For me, trust constitutes an important part of a relationship. If you don’t trust your man, chances are your relationship wouldn’t last. But it is hard to trust a man, and it is easy to reverse that situation. If he cheats on you, then you’ll feel betrayed and it will be hard for you to trust him again. Some women can forgive their man and start things over with him . But some other simply just can’t do that. It depends on the situation.
- What if you discover he’s been cheating on you for several years, with many women (or the same woman) ? Will you forgive him ? I’m not sure…
- What if he told you he was drunk, it was just a one-night fling ? In this case, if he ‘s sincere, chances are you will forgive him. If he’s a pathetic liar, that’s another story.
- What if he told you nothing about it, and you discover everything thanks to “a friend” ?
Personally, if he cheats, I don’t want to know. I couldn’t trust him anymore if I knew anything about it.
In the country where I live, it is generally forbidden for couples to work for the same unit or under the orders of each other. But this applies mostly for big companies, where it is easy to replace people in an another unit. For small companies, it is a problem.
Amanda, 34, works in the same company as her man. Her company only counts 50 employees, so they see each other all of the time. There has been a reorganization recently in her unit, and her man has become her boss. A very unpleasant situation for her. And I can understand that.
Personally, I could never work in the same company as my man. How horrible it would be to have to stand him as my boss ? Of course, it depends on your character. But I think this situation could threaten your couple.
It is already difficult to maintain a stable relationship with your man, because you have to deal with your work, your friends, your family, …. If you add to that this particular situation, it can create a stress.
We all know how we treat our colleague and our boss. It is sometimes a love-hate relationship (mostly hate, especially in the case of your boss), sometimes a who cares relationship. Generally, we can’t help criticize them all the time (some says gossips strengthen the team). Imagine now your man in the place of your boss, or your colleague. Could you avoid criticize him as your boss or your colleague ?
I met the man of my life through the intermediary of my friends. Nine years ago, one of my friend organized a party, and he invited many people among which I found my man. That’s a pretty common place to find love.
But there are also less common place to find love. Here’s some examples:
- The cemetery. Yep, that sounds creepy. Hanna, 32, found the man of her life in the most unusual place to fall in love, because it is associated with death. She was accompanying one of her friend who went changing the flowers on her father’s grave, when she noticed one of the maintenance guys who was extremely good looking. She immediately fell in love with him, and so on…
- The elevator. Sally works in a big company and barely know one tenth of the employees. Once, she got stuck in the elevator with a male employee during two long hours (the firemen were extremely busy on that day, so that problem came down the list of priorities). They haven’t noticed each other until that moment. But, to spend the time, they started to talk, and discovered they had many common points. Both of them were single, so they decided to date.
- The psychologist. If there’s one place to avoid falling in love, this would be the place. Remember the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie Bradshaw fell for the character played by Jon bon Jovi, when she went to see a therapist. But it depends on the cases. Phyllis went to see a therapist because she was undergoing a nasty divorce and it affected her deeply. She met there another patient, who was trying to cope with the death of his wife. They didn’t immediately click, but started dating when their therapy was over. They are still together now…
- The mortuary. It ranges in the same category as the cemetery. Love surges sometimes in curious place. Celine got lost in the hospital where her aunt was staying, and ended up in the mortuary. There, she found a male nurse who was also lost (he was debuting in this hospital) and they instantly clicked.
- The car. One of my female friends was once driving in her car and was way over the speed limit. She got arrested by a police officer, but instead of leaving with a report, she got a date with him.
The list doesn’t arrest here, of course. I’m sure I forget some situations.
We all look for our soul mate. But how can we tell we have found the one ? That’s a tricky question. Many people say that you just simply know when you meet the right person, that there’s a click. Amanda met her soul mate twelve years ago and she explained she knew instantly he was the one the first time she saw him.
There’s also a trick: your feelings has to be mutual. What if you realize you’ve met your soul mate, but he doesn’t feel the same way about you ? Nicky, 29, met two months ago, in a convention for her job, a man she thought her soul mate. She barely spoke to him, but she has the feeling he’s the one. The problem is he’s not interested in her at all. And also, chances are thin they will meet again. Since the convention, she’s been thinking about him all the time and feeling blue.
Maybe her supposed soul mate isn’t the right one ?
Katie Melua – Nine Million Bicycles
To my Mr. Wow: thank you for making me laugh everyday, for making me feel alive and for being there for me. I love you.
To the readers of this blog: Merry Christmas & Best wishes
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Gosh, I love this video. It reminds me the case of one of my friend, who dated a computer geek during two years. She got bored with him because he was totally scotched to his computer, and he never took care of her. He was also a player of World of Warcraft, the game one of my friend called the destructor of couples because all the couples where the man played that game end by a divorce or a breakup.
I asked my friend why she bothered to stay so long with a guy who seemed to ignore her all the time. She replied that at first, he was nice to her, but got hitched by the game. And also, she got a lot of time for herself because he was playing with his computer. That is a curious way to keep the flame of love burning, isn’t it ?
Why are we building walls like that between us ? Is it because we get bored of each other ? Should’nt we try to get more close to our partner ?
Everyone has been to a date we want to forget quickly because it was so bad. When I was younger, I accepted a blind date with a guy I’ve never heard of, but who was friend with someone I know. So, the D Day, we were supposed to meet in a pub. But since we didn’t have any clue of what would the other look like, we gave each other some informations about our exterior appearance. He told me he had a purple car, wore tight jeans and curious shoes called Buffalos. At that time, it was the kind of shoes very popular with girls (but with boys …WTF ?). But at that time, I was still young and innocent, and I thought you could never judge a book by its cover, so I decided to go to the date. Wrong choice…. Of course, I was not disappointed at all when I saw him arriving at the pub. Physically, he wasn’t that bad. But when he started to talk, I just wished I would be somewhere else. He was talking all the time about partying, booze, pills, and the girls he scored. Luckily for me, one of my friend arrived in the pub, and I urged him to join us. So I completely ruined his date.
Among the many toxic guys that women can date, there’s this kind of category: men who change their mind. They’re not the one who can’t really decide what to choose, no. I’m talking here about men who fall in love with a woman, and suddenly realize she’s not the right person for them. For example, S., 35, dated a short time ago a man who’s been pursuing her for the last three years. Their relationship lasted four months, before he decided to break up with her because she wasn’t what he was looking for. S. has now found a new man, but her ex came back into her life two weeks ago and asked her to take him back. She just told him to get lost.
This isn’t the only example of Flip Flop men. But for me, this example underlines another problem: can men have a wrong opinion of the women they’re dating? In the case of S., her ex was a member of her entourage and was supposed to know her well since they hang out often with each other. But still, S. told me he was disappointed with her when they were dating, like he forgot the person she was when she was just her friend. Maybe he had idealised her when she was just a friend, not his, and got disappointed or just tired of her when she became his. Just like children who want a toy so bad and then ignored it the second after they obtain it.
She was so pissed off with him after the breakup that when he came back to her, she just turned him down. If men can be indecisive, women can hate indecision.
My grandmother used to told me when she was alive that women should never make the first move with men. “If he really wants you, he will come to you. Let him come to you, don’t try to provoke things” she said back then. However, this kind of situation could apply in her time, but not in our modern time.
So here’s the debate now: who should make the first move ? Around me, I’ ve seen many women making the first move with men, because these guys would have never made the first step with her. Too shy, obviously. One of my friend told me that when she started dating her man, she had to take the lead because he wouldn’t try anything with her. She proposed him to go and have a dinner. The first night when they went for dinner, she was hoping he would kiss her at the end of the evening, but nothing happened. She had to wait for two other dinners to get a kiss, and that’s because she took things in control. Her man explained to her she made such an impression on him that he completely lost control with her. My friend found his attitude so sweet, so she didn’t mind. What if she had waited for him? She said to me she could have waited for a long time.
On the other hand, my grandmother could have reason for some specific situations. Helena, a old friend of mine, had a crush on one of her colleague at work. She kept bringing him his coffee and sandwiches, and helping him with his work. She hoped her efforts would pay off with him and that he would take her for dinner. But he didn’t do anything with her because he wasn’t interested at all. And also, he got hooked six months later with another of his colleague, who was less enterprising than her. Maybe if she had played more distant with him, he would have come to her. But now, she would never know.
Some women go completely irrational when they fall in love with a man. One of my friend is a fierce independant in life, but when she falls in love, she becomes a totally different person. She’s tacky with the man she loves. She can’t stand being far from him, she ‘s jealous of all the women around him and she often checks his mails and messages behind his back in search of compromising stuffs.
Why does she do that ? Well, she told me she is a control freak and wants to have everything under control. She also said that her lovers don’t mind this kind of treatment. Some even love it. But the underlying question remains how could she possibly build a strong relationship if she doesn’t trust her lover.
As a result, at the age of 40, she has had numerous lovers, but she hasn’t found the right person yet.
However, there’s tacky and tacky. My friend is a little bit obsessive, but I know other women who are a bit tacky with their man in the sense that they couldn’t be separated from them and still trust them when they’re away. It is a question of balance, but I recognise it’s not easy to draw the line when you fall madly in love.