Closer

 

According to some newspapers, guys like these ones are supposed to be fashionable at the moment.

Why? Because of their moustache. Apparently, the moustache is this year’s must-have, a little bit like that horrible haircut coming straight from the 80’s was a few years ago: the mullet.

However, this year’s fashionable trend has an “advantage” the mullet didn’t have back then. “When I have sex, I leave with the other’s odor, hung at the edge of my lips” said a famous French draftsman known for his spectacular moustache.

This reminds me of an episode in Sex and the City, where Miranda Hobbes sleeps with one guy she met at a weight watchers meeting (or something like that). The guy just gives her some oral sex, and when he’s finished, he goes back to her to give her a french kiss, and she rejects him because she finds that disgusting.

We talked a lot about this episode with my friends, and they had various reactions to it. Some said they would be disgusted too, some said they don’t mind, but on the other hand, they couldn’t do a blow-job to their man and then kiss him, some don’t mind at all, and some told me it’s a question of intimacy with their man.

“If he’s someone I barely know, I think I won’t do that, but if he’s my long-term partner, why not?” said one of my friends. “It depends on how intimate we are. I really don’t mind at all if he does that as long as he’s not a one-night stand. I don’t say this can strengthen our intimacy, however, but it’s just a proof you trust your partner enough to let him do this” said another one.

So, would you do that?

Hall of mirrors

This man above has been elected the sexiest man alive by People magazine. I bet he would just joke about this and would never use this as a pick up line with the opposite sex. I even bet he doesn’t consider himself as handsome. I’ve met quite a lot of men who are objectively handsome but don’t consider themselves as well. They never use their physic to seduce women, they would rather use their sense of humor or their personality to approach the opposite sex. And generally, this tactic works. But there are also men who consider themselves as handsome, and don’t understand why women don’t fall in love with them immediately.

Before D. was fired, I had once an awkward conversation with him about this topic. He left for his holidays in Sweden, and hoped he would score with Swedish women who are less timid than the women of our country when it comes to men and sex. At least, that’s what he thought. When he came back from his holidays, I asked him about his success with the Swedes, and he told me he didn’t score at all. I replied to him that he didn’t look like Brad Pitt, that’s why the Swedish women didn’t chase him. And his reply was quite surprising. He told me he basically let his beard grow a little bit while he was there, because “women think he’s irresistible with it”. And really seemed puzzled by his lack of success. I didn’t know what to say to that and just went back to my desk, to his stupefaction. He thought probably I would have told him he’s indeed irresistible.

I talked with my friend about this strange conversation, and she told me she had a similar experience once. “There was a guy I met in a bar who started flirting with me. He wasn’t too bad physically, but not an Apollo too. We chatted a little bit, and I didn’t feel anything for him, so I declined politely his invitation to go to his place. Then, he started to complain women couldn’t appreciate his beauty and that if he was a woman, he would fall for him. And he left like a prince. I didn’t regret my choice at all” she said. “This is probably the kind of guys who just think women are either attracted to handsome or wealthy men”she added.

Most of the women I know told me they prefer a man that doesn’t know he’s handsome than the one who’s sure of it. Do you agree with that? And for the men, how handsome do you consider yourself?

Sick of it all

Some of you have probably heard this news about those topless Swedish women protesting against swim wear rules. In my newsroom, all the male (and hetero) journalists want to pay a visit to Sweden now because of that. More seriously, these women wanted to make sure women aren’t subjected to sexual harassment anymore. By going bare breasts, they think this part of our body would lose its erotical power on men. I can understand their point of view, but don’t they think this is a little bit too radical?

By doing this, it’s a little bit like desacralizing the female body. Whether they like it or not, we use our body as a weapon of seduction for the others, and we’re sad when this fades with age. If they really want to do this, maybe they should just let themselves go physically. There’s nothing worse for attracting or keeping a man. Some women I’ve met told me about the error they made by doing so. “I lived with my ex for seven years, and in the end of our relationship, we really had no intimacy for each other. I would let the door open when I had to go to the bathroom, just hang over in my old pajama pants or some worn out clothes during the weekend while he would stay in his old boxer and stained t-shirt. We didn’t mind farting or burping in front of each other. He scratched his balls in front of me, while I was busy bursting my facial spots. One day, we realized we had no desire at all for each other, and we decided to call it quits” L., 31, said.

“When I was living with my ex, I didn’t watch at all my weight and just ate whatever I wanted. I overindulged myself with Ben & Jerry’s ice cream, cookies, muffins, and chips, and did no exercise to eliminate all this. At the end of our relationship, I weighted twenty pounds more than when we started dating. But I wasn’t like those fat women who are really beautiful because their thickness is mostly located in their ass and their boobs. My fat was more on my thighs and my waist, I was really ugly and I had lost a little bit of self-esteem. Now, I’ve lost those excess pounds and I try to never let myself go like that again” P., 34, said.

“I would hang over with my old clothes, without being shaved or combed during the week-end, while he just let his beard grow and stood also in his old clothes, sometimes for three or four days in a row. We had no privacy for each other. And we got caught in a routine that eventually frightened both of us” N., 29.

When you date someone for the first time, you usually try to present him/her the best part of you. So, why would that change once you’re in a relationship? Of course, letting you self degradating isn’t the only explanation for a break up, but it certainly plays a role in it?

So, what flaws/ bad attitudes do you accept (tolerate) in your partner?

Beat your heart out

Most of the men I know told me they prefer women with a little character than those who are sweet, but with zero personality, in other words, they prefer mean women. Yet, there are different categories of mean women. There are those like my chief editor, which most of my colleagues described as a total bitch who would never let a man approach her. This kind of women repel men like garlic repels vampires. There are also the women who play a little game with them, by making them longing for them. In this case, either they just play their man like a fool, or they just put intrigue and mystery into the relationship. Then, there are the women who just like to tease their partner a little bit, by being a little mean with him.

How does that materialize? Well, it’s really simple. It can be little jokes about his curious habits, about the way he dresses, about something he just did. But we ‘ve got to be careful with these little jokes, because it can be castrating. How come?

Some women can’t help criticizing their man in public, in front of their family, their friends or their colleagues. Even if they see nothing wrong with this, when you observe their man’s face, you could see they are less than pleased. Two of my colleagues are together, and we often go to lunch with them. My female colleague is often mocking him by comparing him to Mr. Bean. Usually, he just looks at her like he was pissed off by her remark, then just forgets about it. I must say it’s a little bit embarrassing to be confronted to this situation. But this dynamic seems to work for them, because they are still together, for now 6 years.

When you push the button too far, unless you have a real doormat for partner or a true masochist, there are chances he would sooner or later leave you. There’s a thin line between mocking him and humiliating him in public. Last week-end, I went shopping with my sister, and in front of us in the queue, there was a couple who were arguing. In fact, she was constantly yelling at him while he just nodded. She shouted he had no taste at all for decoration. The cashier looked at him with pity in her eyes, and so did we. My sister and I bet this couple wouldn’t last. One of my male friends had a similar experience with one of his ex. “Everything I did for her was wrong, she kept on criticizing me. And I really tried to please her, but she couldn’t appreciate it the right way. In the end, I got really tired of her character”he said.

There’s a rule saying never criticize him in front of everyone else (this also applies for you, gentlemen), and maybe it should be followed.

So, do you mock your partner in public? And men, what kind of mean women do you like?

Where the streets have no name

To the request of drunk american, here’s a little glance at my years spent in College, and in particular, at a special day during the year. 

On my college campus, there’s a special event organized each year where gather all the students of the town: the St Verhaegen. This event, always held on the 20th of november, celebrates the folklore of the student life of our university, and marks the end of the hazing for those who wanted to do their “baptism” and receive afterwards a hat we call a penne. When I arrived in my college the first year, we had a visit during one of our classes of two women coming from the family planning, a help center for women who need advice or help on their problem related to sex and pregnancy.  These two women had a short message especially for the female students. It went something like that: “Ladies,  we know many of you will participate to the St V. We’re just here to remind you to be careful during this event. Each year, we see arriving students like you in our center because of what they did on this night. Most of them had drank too much and forgotten about condoms, and come to ask us for the abortive pill”. Most of my fellow students couldn’t stop giggling after their intervention, and some of them wondered in what kind of mess we would end up by partying at the St-V. 

So, we went there, and curiously, I didn’t drunk that much on the first St. V. I made. I guess curiosity took on my ethyl envy that night. The party is usually held at the same place every year on the campus, under a big tent and in the middle of the wood. To arrive there, we had to pass through a deserted path, which wasn’t deserted at all. We heard some moaning and grinning coming from behind the trees surrounding the path.  Then, one of my friends saw a girl with her pants down and a man shaking his groove on her. And they didn’t seem bother at all by our presence. In fact, they both looked as if they had a few glasses in their nose. We just decided to leave them to their business (one of my friends, who was drunk, wanted to join them, but we impeached him). We finally reached the tent, and started partying. At one moment, one of my male friends had to satisfy an urgent need, and went outside the tent. He came back, mesmerized by what he saw. He told us he saw one couple busy banging in a hidden corner, while another one just did it against a tree – again- without caring if anyone could see them. At the end of the evening, or let’s say early in the morning, we decided to leave, but some of us wanted to eat something. So we headed to the nearest fritkot we could find. There was one close to the campus. And when we arrived there, we saw, again, a couple busy doing nasty things in a dark corner, but not dark enough for them to be ignored.   And this is where we ended our first St-V.

The next year, it was so freezing cold everyone was pressing against each other  inside the tent. We saw no fornicating couples (or at least, I was too drunk too remember anything). After that, I can’t tell you because I stopped assisting to the St-V. party. My friends and I  preferred going to bars and clubs than events like that, too filthy (there is always vomit everywhere and you cannot walk without putting you foot in it). But according to the other students, sex scenes like the one we saw are still very much there.

 

Brick

There were a lot of debates around this song and its true meaning. Some say it’s about abortion, some about living with someone who’s terminally ill.

Maybe there’ s another meaning lying under this song: addiction to love and loving the thought of someone, which can really turn you down.

And if you can’t see the video, go there

Any idea?

If only tonight we could sleep

When you sleep with someone for the first time, things can turn not the way you expected. Nervousness, fear of disappointing, tension, … invite themselves in the party, and that’s where you can lose control of the situation. We all have at least one catastrophic experience we can tell about, and this generally happens in the beginning of our sex life. But sometimes, even with sexual experience, you can be surprise of what you get. I asked around me the most awkward sex experience people had, and everyone told me one thing: you cannot try too much experiment on the first night, especially if you’re not an expert.

” I wanted to impress him on the first night, and choose to strip in front of him. I had exercised a little before doing this to be sure I wouldn’t do anything wrong, but the D-Day, things didn’t turn exactly as I planned. I had the idea to put a suspender belt with stocking, but for a reason, I didn’t manage to detach the suspender belt, and he started to laugh at me. It wasn’t the effect I wanted” K., 30, said.

“I was really nervous the first time we decided to sleep together. So, we thought a little bit of alcohol would help us. The problem was we abused a little bit of alcohol, and at the end of the evening, I could barely stand on my feet and started to feel sick. He had to carry me to his apartment, where I just vomited on his doormat. Then, what happened after, I couldn’t remember, but he told me I just fell asleep in his bed” L., 35, said.

“We had no other option back then that to make it in his car. We thought we had found a desert place in the wood, and when I tried to change place and sit on top of him, I accidentally pressed on the horn. Ten minutes after, the forest warden appeared at the window of the car, and told us to dress and to leave”J., 31, explained.

“I lost the key of the handcuffs. We had to find a metal saw to release him, but I didn’t have one in my apartment, so I had to ask that to my neighbour, who seemed a little bit amused by my request” P., 32, said.

Sometimes, we put ourselves in a ludicrous/awkward situation when it comes to the sexual approach. But there are also independent events that can come ruin the moment.

“Things started to heat up between us when we hear someone banging on the door and shouting to get out quickly. In fact, he was a fireman, and his other colleagues were also evacuating the building where a fire had started. We could barely catch some clothes and ended up on the parking lot almost naked, just covered with a blanket. Some of my neighbours saw me and laughed, and so did the firemen. It was the most embarrassing moment of my life” M., 29, said.

“In the middle of the action, the bed we were on just broke in two, and I fell badly on the floor. I had to be taken to the emergency because I had broken my wrist while falling”B., 27, said.

“The condom just bursted in the middle of the act, and I was so scared to get pregnant we ran immediately to the pharmacy to get a contraceptive pill”I., 31, said.

Then, there’s the choice of the partner that can ruin the moment. If you fall on a premature ejaculator, for example. Or a guy who doesn’t know where is exactly located your clitoris. “I had to tell him, after ten minutes, that it was located five centimeters above where he was busy licking”L., 30, said.

So, have you ever experienced unfortunate situation like these?

 

The perfect drug

Are we all masochistic? In a sense, maybe. We all do things we know we shouldn’t do because it does us no good at all, and sometimes, we keep on repeating those silly acts. An example? I can’t help eating candy bars even if I know it’s not good for my health. Nutella will do damage to your silhouette, but it is so addictive (tons of my female friends and I have an addiction to that chocolate spread and some even eat it with a spoon).

When it comes to love and relationship, we can find ourselves trapped into such a dynamic. We know the guy/chick isn’t good for us, but for a reason, we fall desperately in love with him/her and hang on to that ill-fated relationship like a junkie. Sometimes, it’s even worse, because we go head over heels for a man/woman that didn’t ask for anything. “I fell in love with one of my male colleagues, that showed me some interests at the beginning. But for a reason I ignore, he started to put more and more distance between us, as if he knew the obvious about my feelings for him. I should have moved on and forget about him, but I couldn’t. I was convinced that he had it wrong with me, and that he had to know me better, so he could love me. So, instead of leaving him alone, I became a bit invading in his life. One day, he had enough, and just told me to leave him alone for good, and that he would moved to another unit, far away from me, really soon. This was like a shock to me, but it helped me realize what a fool I had been for him, and to focus on myself” T., 32, said.

Most of the women I know have told me they lost their head once (and ever more) for a total loser that didn’t treat them the way they should. “I knew from the beginning he was a total jerk, but I couldn’t stay away from him. He was like a drug to me, I just needed him. All my friends had pity on me back then. I barely smiled, was constantly crying because he didn’t treat me the right way. I was unable to dump him, and finally he helped me by disappearing into nature” L, 32. “He was constantly talking in derogatory terms about the others, and in particular about women, but I fell for him anyway. And as promised , he treated me like a piece of dirt and told me my problems were ludicrous compared to those who really suffer on this planet. All my friends urged me to dump him, but I wouldn’t listen to them. Then, one day, I realized I deserved better than him, and I dumped him”K., 34, explained. And some women told me they need to suffer in a relationship just to feel alive. “I know dating bad guys isn’t good for me, because it keeps tearing me down. But at the same time, I never felt so alive during those relationships”I., 30, said.

Why do we fool ourselves like that? According to psychologists, it is linked to the conduct of failure: we are attracted to the ones that are bad to us and we have difficulty to separate from them. We choose what puts us in a failure, even if a better choice appears to us at the same time. This happens because we have a low self-esteem.

So, before falling into the arms of a total jerk, remember all those good advices from dontdatethatdude. And if you really want to fall for men that will do you no good, fall for Ben & Jerry. A guilty pleasure I would personally recommend.

Here’s the question of the day: what are your guilty pleasures?

Too little, too late

Recently, one of the couples I know called it quits. They were married for almost 14 years now, but hit a rough patch three years ago when she got pregnant. The problem was that the child she gave birth to wasn’t his, and he learned the news only one year after their daughter was born. They were a strange couple, not living together during the week, only on week-ends. She was working in another town than their own during the week, and to avoid doing the travel back and forth, her sister had offered her the possibility to stay in her apartment located in the city where she worked. It was easy for her to have an affair going on during the week, far from her husband who had a hectic schedule at work, staying from 8 am to past 9 pm every day. And that’s what she did. The child she had with her lover wasn’t an accident of a one night stand, she was the result of a love story that started already several years ago.

When she learned she got pregnant, she should have known, or at least have a little doubt about who was the father. But for a reason, she didn’t have the guts to tell her husband she cheated on him and she carried the child of another man. As a result, he thought naturally he was the father of their daughter, recognized her at the city hall, and raised her as his kid. One year after, the biological father claimed his paternity over the child, and this is where things turned sour.

He was mad at her for not telling him the truth, and decided to split immediately. The problem was the child. At one year, she had already developed a strong bond with him, and as she grew old, the bond evolved into a natural father-daughter relationship. This situation was difficult, so mother and father of the child tried to rekindle their marriage, for the sake of their child. But the heart wasn’t there anymore. It’s difficult when you’ve been cheated on to forgive your partner, even if you pursue the same goal: make your child happy. I was invited once in their house for a dinner a few months after their reconciliation, and you could clearly see there was the Great Wall of China between the two. They used to laugh with each other and look at each other in a particular way before all of this happened, and now, this has completely faded away. It was no surprise when they announced to their friends and family they would divorce for good this time, because they haven’t resolve all their problems.

Yet, in the equation, there’s still the kid. I really feel sorry for her, she’s so little, and yet, she will have to face the divorce of her parents. At three years old, she doesn’t understand well all of this, and her mother will have to explain to her that they won’t see her daddy anymore, because he’s not really her daddy. This is tough.

This leaves an important question, if you cheat on your partner, would you tell him/her? And is it important to tell about it as soon as possible?

The battle of who could care less

Dealing with your ex when you have just broken up can be difficult for some people, depending how the relationship ended. When you try to move on with your life, you don’t want necessarily your ex to be around you, especially if that little bastard/bitch ex has played you like a fool. We all have different reactions towards regular encounters with our ex. Some of my friends have told me that they try to avoid them as much as they can, as long as they are not over him/her. “This distance is compulsory for me. It allows me to figure out what went wrong, and put my feelings aside. After all, far from the eyes, far from the heart is a principle that works well with me. I know that if I see him when my heart is still broken, this would have the effect of tormenting me even more” one of my friends said.

This is only possible if you can avoid him/her after the break up. “I know where he has his habits, so I don’t go to that particular bar or restaurant where I’m sure I could find him hanging out with his mates, or worse, his new conquest” B., 29, said. “We used to go to the same gym together, and I know he didn’t cancel his subscription after the break up, so I simply changed my gym to get sure I won’t bump into him” K., 32, said.

But sometimes, life doesn’t offer you that chance. This is where the rule of not dating someone from your company makes sense. “We met because we were working in the same unit, but after three months of dating, he decided that I wasn’t the one he was looking for. But the way the relationship ended wasn’t as nice and smooth as it could have been. He broke up after an argument with me, telling me that I was just crazy, annoying, difficult, and that I would never find a man. I was really pissed off, and I had to bear his view every morning when I arrived at work. I had no other solution to change for another company” M., 34, explained.

“We used to sing in the same choir, and I didn’t want to quit that activity just because that bastard didn’t want to quit either, but in the end, we got into a battle of the nerves with each other, and he decided to leave the choir, to my great satisfaction”P., 32, said.

Why is it so difficult to bear our ex after the breakup? When you try to forget about him/her, it’s better when he/she’s not around you. If you had feelings for your ex, seeing him/her again immediately after the break up isn’t a good idea. “This is how I ended up dating him again” said O., 34.

The pain and the angst (and also the physical attraction still present)  you can have for your ex can be difficult to bear, and it makes you not really welcoming to the other. Besides, distance gives you a certain dignity in those difficult moments.

However, some exes manage to stay friends afterwards, but this is only possible if both parties respected each other during and after the relationship.

So, how do you react when you see your ex(es)?