When I was in College, one of my roommates dated a count who basically gave her everything she wanted, and even things she didn’t wish at first. She met him by accident. He left his wallet at the bar next to where she was sitting. And she ran after him in the street to give it back to him. He invited her to dinner to thank her, and they started dating shortly after. From the beginning, he was very generous with her. The day he was picking her for the restaurant, he bought her red roses. On the third date they spent together, he offered her a bracelet. On the fifth, a necklace. Coordinated with her bracelet. And he wanted to introduce her to his parents very quickly. But my roommate called it quits. She became scared a little bit of all of those attentions. “It was way too much for me. I felt I didn’t fit in his world, because I don’t come from the same caste than him. And I didn’t feel anything for him. I didn’t love him as he wanted” she said.
Back then, my other roommates were appalled with her decision. They told her they would have swapped her place anytime and that she was an idiot to let such a charming guy go like she did. But her answer was a bit surprising. “I saw my mother dying of boredom in her marriage to my father who gave her everything she wanted. His fortune didn’t stop her to ask for a divorce. She said that wealth is a great thing, but if you feel imprisonated in your relationship by it, it’s not worth it. And I don’t want to repeat the mistake my mother made” she said. She also added that she didn’t need a man to make her fortune, she could make it on her own.
I remember asking her what she wanted from a man, and she replied that she only wants him to “give her butterflies in her stomach“. “It doesn’t take a lot of money to do so“ she added. When we finished College, she moved in with her man, a photographer, who didn’t earn a lot of money, but gave her plenty of butterflies in her stomach. I haven’t heard about her ever since.
Years later, when I was a banker, I could see that there’s no universal rule for love. Some of my clients were ruined by a husband who left them nothing but debts, because they were too in love to think about a prenup when they married. Some of my clients left their husband because they had enough. Some of them cheated on him.
So, I believe that butterflies in your stomach is a good thing, but some cautions are also worth once in a while.