“We loved each other. But we needed more than love to make it work“
This is what one of my friends recently admitted when she talked about her ex. She said that because she couldn’t understand why, among her friends, some would run back to their man even if they had a huge fight that led to a break up. We all replied to her that it was because of love. She disagreed. She says there’s a line we shouldn’t cross, even if we love each other. And that line is sometimes blurry.
Her ex and she stayed for five years together, and they were about to get married when she decided she didn’t want it anymore. She discovered he was seeing someone else too, and her rival thought she would end up married to him. One day, she left him, after months and months of fights, even if the wedding ceremony was still on. She told me she needed time to get her act back together, and that she was afraid of leaving him. That’s why she hesitated so much.
But I wonder: did they really love each other? She swore to God it was true love. But when they were together, she was often away because of her job, and he was flirting a lot with other women. Both were very young then. And I guess they just projected an image of an ideal couple they were both scared of.
I asked her if they had a mutual understanding of each other. And she replied that yes. “He knew I wanted my independence. I knew he wanted me to take care of him” she said.
To my ear, this isn’t exactly what we call a mutual understanding. When you really understand the one you love, you try to comply with his/her needs/ feelings. You would know by doing this or that, you can surprise him/her, comfort him/her, disappoint him/her, makes him/her angry,… And this got to be mutual. That sounds more like a mutual understanding than just recognizing the other’s needs, and take no action after that.
But it takes some maturity to learn about all of this.