Can we get jealous of our partner’s past? Yes, it’s possible. But it’s a poison. It is said Facebook makes us miserable, because we can’t help comparing ourselves to our friends, especially those who post a lot of pictures of themselves in awesome places, or with great people. With our partner’s past, it’s the same feeling. we can take his ex’s as a benchmark against which to measure our relationship.
Behind this behavior, there’s the reminiscence of our childhood, where we could compete with our siblings to have the love of our parents. I can see that with my little nephew, who is a bit jealous of his newborn sister. All of a sudden, he’s not the center of attention anymore, because his parents, and especially my sister, are so happy with their little daughter. And he reacts to this by being difficult or making some little accidents. Generally, he stops when we take care of him.
In our actual relationship, if the ex’s is still a important part of his life, we can also compete to have the love of our significant other. But it can torment us. Why is she still in his life? Sometimes, there is a good reason: the kids they have. But sometimes, there are no kids involved.
If there are kids involved, we can even get jealous of his kids. “My ex’s was very mean with my daughter. My daughter feared her, and was sad every time she went to see me at our house. My ex’s also insulted the mother of my daughter, even if I don’t have a good relationship with her” said one of my friends, who recently called it quits with her.
If there are not kids involved, well, why are they still friends?
But sometimes, even if the ex’s is not present in his life, we can get jealous of her. Because we want to compare to her. “Once, after a drunken night together, I began to ask him a lot of questions about his ex’s. But I reminded everything in the morning after, and it began to torment me. I realized he was very happy with her. I wondered if he was happier with me. We were constantly fighting because of that. I didn’t feel I was his love anymore. It was horrible” one of my friends said. She broke up with him.
Everyone of us, after a certain age, has a love past. The only way to avoid getting jealous of his love past is to focus on our actual relationship. But it’s only possible if we live the present moment. We need some self-esteem to enjoy these moments.