celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

He likes wealthy women

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I dream about wealthy women. I would like to date one of them who will want to sustain me” said one of my friends. He said that while laughing, adding he will probably last three weeks in this kind of relationship. He’s not a boy toy.

I told him he will be crushed in this kind of relationship because even if he’s not poor, his wealthy girlfriend would probably think he’s lazy or doesn’t do anything good. One of my friends, who used to date a wealthy woman, told me she was very mean with him, always gunning down him in front of other people. Wealthy people are much more meticulous about matters of law and propriety than people who are not that rich. So they are very careful about their wealth. In general.  My friend who used to date one of them told me his ex used him to parade at gala, but he felt she didn’t love him for who he is.

Women marry ‘up’ in income according to Elizabeth McClintock, but they tend to marry high status men when they are themselves high status. I don’t think a high status woman would be kind to sustain a man unless that man used to be high status. And even that case is not obvious.  I can’t see Amal Clooney leaving George to start a relationship with a man who just wants to be sustained by her. Nor Hillary Clinton, nor Melissa Gates,…

I don’t think I would accept to sustain a man either, to be fair. I expect the men I date to be financially independent at least. The only men I would sustain if there was a problem would be my godsons.

But I can understand my friend about some comfort to be in a relationship where your date invite you at his/her second/third/fourth residence located in the Bahamas, Courchevel, … Although I would be proud to pay for my vacations there…

 

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broken heart, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Why do we cheat?

Why do we cheat? The number one reason is related to sex. When we don’t feel satisfied sexually either by a lack of sex or of emotions, we tend to search other gardens. The next reason is simply because we fall in love with someone else. Some people also cheat out of revenge (because they’ve been cheated). Some people also cheat because they search for different experiences every day, week,…

Recently, one of my friends told me that every woman who is over 40 is a cheater. I was shocked when he said that, because most of my female friends who are over 40 are not that kind. Most of them are happily married. They would admit to me if they were cheating on their husband. Women who are 40 are at top of their sexually, so yes, they can be very demanding sexually. But it’s not a reason to be a cheater because of that.

To be cheated is a betrayal. Some couples do survive infidelity though. And polyamorous couples do accept their significant other’s lovers. But we’re not all forgiving infidelity. Because we’re jealous animals.

Most of my friends told me if their significant other cheat on them, they will have difficulty to forgive. One of them even ask me to tell her the truth about her significant other if I see him with another woman. My friend was cheated when she was younger. She found, three days before of her wedding, her future husband with another girl on his lap kissing and laughing in a bar. Since then, she has had difficulty to trust her other lovers.

My other friend didn’t told me if he was cheated on before. But he changes quickly the conversation when we talk about that. I guess it’s sensitive for him.

Infidelity isn’t only sexual. We can bond emotionally with someone else because our emotional needs are not met in our couple.

But I understand how hard it is to be cheated on. It feels like you’re not the number one in your significant other’s heart anymore. It hurts.

 

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celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Lost in emoticons (miscommunication)

Recently, I had a chat with a friend of mine on WhatsApp, and it turned a bit awkward. It went like this.

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He sent me an emoticon with the head upside down. I didn’t understand this emoticon because I’m not used to this. I only use just the ones very obvious and very usual. I thought he was drunk because it was late. I asked him if he was drunk. He said he wasn’t. Then I asked him why he sent me this, and he replied by another emoticon I didn’t understand  either. I felt powerless and left the conversation after sending him a last emoticon.

GroupLens, a research Lab from the University of Minnesota, found that different people had vastly different interpretations of some popular emojis. Using emojis can be at high risk of miscommunication.

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So, yes, it’s tricky to use emoticons in a conversation.

My friend is very complexed by his writings, and he usually sends me a lot of pictures and emojis to fill the conversation. Fortunately, he’s a much  better conversation face to face and in groups.

But I wouldn’t recommend anyone to use emoticons to make a move with someone you fancy.

It’s the best way to fall into endless back and forth, and feel frustrated because it leads to nowhere.

A clear and firm invitation to meet for a drink, a coffee, a restaurant, … is always a better option.

Texting has its limit.

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celibacy, life, love, relationships, thoughts, women

Asking your friends to set you up

Some people, tired of bad dates, ask their friends to set them up with their single friends. It’s not a bad idea, because people with similar values and interests tend to stick together, so the friend your friends want to set you up  may share a few values with you.

Taylor Swift’s latest boyfriend was introduced to her by their common friends, who thought they would match easily, for an example. For famous  people, the friends circle is  the safest way to meet a potential date. They can’t go on Tinder or any other apps because they will probably be harassed.

But non famous people can also feel safer with dating if their friends pre-approve your date because they know him/her.

There are no guarantee though your setup will turn into a relationship. A friend of mine told me she was set up with a man who wasn’t her type. She ended up furious over her friend who chose to set up the date. “I felt she didn’t know me very well” she said. In that case, it’s as unpleasant as if you were not warned you were set up. Last year, I ended up sitting next to a single man at a wedding. When he learned I was a journalist,  he started to rant against my profession. I tried to avoid him during the rest of the evening because he was just a jerk, and I was pissed off at my acquaintances for trying to set me up with that guy.

Your friends can also take the offense if you don’t like the  guy they picked for you. They might think you’re too picky.

Besides, being in the middle can be difficult for your friends if your setup for a reason don’t call you back, goes M.I.A.,… or if you don’t get along very well and complain to your friends about the setup.

That’s why some people avoid setting their friends up.

One of my friends told me she can’t set me up with her single male friends, because she knows they won’t be my type. “I know all of you very well, and I know you wouldn’t be a good match” she said. It’s wise, because we’re still friends, and I avoided some disastrous dates.

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broken heart, life, love, relationships, thoughts, women

Acceptance or isolation of your couple

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The new French president, Emmanuel Macron, raised some eyebrows because of the age difference between him and his spouse, Brigitte.  In our society, unfortunately, it’s not considered normal for a man to marry someone who is his senior, especially if the age gap is very large. My mother is two years older than my father. They haven’t met any reticence when they started their relationship. People don’t notice that difference. They just look as old together.

Those couples who have a large age gap do meet some reticence.  But it’s the same for couples who don’t share the same religion, the same background and pedigree, … Those couples are more fragile because of the pressure of their relatives and friends, over the society.  If their relatives and friends don’t accept the significant other, either the relationship survive by staying away from their circle or the relationship die. Love is not enough. Our circles have to validate our couple. Nobody likes to be cut from their friends and family, even if it’s for love.

Shakespeare grabs that difficulty for those couples in “Romeo and Juliet”. In the end of this tragedy, both lovers die, because their love would never have been accepted by their family.

Without strong links and reliable social circle, that certainly to have a destiny together can unbundle. At the risk of loneliness and the feeling of invincibility” said Serge Hefez, a psychologist in a french magazine.

Acceptance of your significant other from your family and friends is important.

A friend of mine told me his brother-in-law turned suddenly agressive toward him and his mother, after years of mocking from them because he wasn’t an intellectual like all the members of my friend’s family. “He was just a nurse, but recently he became CEO of a prosperous company he founded thanks to his IT skills. And since then, he has been agressive with us” he says. His sister has been torn for years between her family and her husband, and the feud isn’t over.

It’s not easy for family and friends to accept our significant other if he/she doesn’t fit into their ideal.

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life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Cougars (the age gap between lovers)

During the presidential elections in France, many comments were directed at Emmanuel Macron’s wife, Brigitte, who is 24 years his senior. Many attacks and critics  are targeted at the presidential candidates, and their relatives/friends/ assistant.  In the United States, Donald Trump’s wife, Melania, was not saved from those critics. But those critics were never raised against their age difference, even if they share with the new French presidential couple, the same age gap (24 years).

Melania Trump was never suspected to be gay for loving a much older man than her.  In France, there were doubts the presidential couple’s love was not genuine. As if a man couldn’t love someone older than him.  The only difference between these two couples is the moment when they fell in love. Emmanuel Macron was only 15 when he fell in love with his future wife. While Melania was 27 when she met Donald Trump for the first time.

In theory, should we all fall in love with someone who shares the same age than us? Would we be better off with someone who’s born in the same year than us?

With someone who is from the same generation than us, we can share many common points, the same experiences, the same references because of our education, the same values,… And we will age at the same rhythm. “With someone older, you will face all of his illness linked to his age. It’s a risk” says one of my friends. “As you age, the burden of age will be more difficult for your older partner. There will be some activities you can’t do with him” she added.

I don’t agree with her. With someone who shares the same age than us, there can be some major differences. If you’re introverted,  don’t like many social interactions  and prefer the comfort of your couch with a good book, you can clash with a partner who is the exact opposite than you. Whether she/he’s older or younger, or not than you. We can share zero common point apart the age with someone who’s as old as you. Besides, yes, there is a chance the older one in your couple can die before you. But life can decide otherwise. You can be hit by a bus tomorrow or die in an accident. There are no age to die.

We fall in love with the one who holds the promise to change our life. It’s not a conscientious act. It’s not like we can choose someone out of a catalog who will have all the qualities we look in a partner. Of course, if the one we love is violent or verbally abusive, we should leave him/her alone.

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celibacy, dating site, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Future sex

In her book “Future Sex“, the journalist Emily Witt explores the limit of what we would call free love. She writes about her experience with online dating, porn, polyamory, internet babes and the childless option. If I do follow her conclusions, this list may predict the future of relationship, where internet have a strong place, except for polyamory (although I have met on dating app some men who were into this type of open relationship).

 The journalist wrote she had a problem feeling attracted by the men she met online. I do understand her, because I’m  bit lost on dating app like Tinder. I don’t really feel attracted right away by a man just by looking at his picture. Emily Witt said she wasn’t  into her online date when she met them face to face. Maybe it’s because women don’t have a smell cue when they meet someone online. That smell cue can be useful when you meet someone face to face in a bar or a cafe or a concert,… The journalist compared the attraction she had for men she met in parties, bars, … and men she met online.

Emily Witt also wrote about a couple working for Google who are into polyamory. It’s not a surprise, since in the Silicon Valley, there is a new sexual revolution where love takes the form of many lovers at the same time. Elsewhere, it’s just infidelity or open relationships, which are not so sustainable on the long run , because we are jealous by nature.

This book rises a question: can we be ourselves if we multiply lovers, and if we allow the distance internet creates between people? The future looks bleak then.

On the other hand, internet remains a mean to meet people. But it’s just a way. Internet remains useless when it comes to create a bond with someone.  And it’s easy to think, thanks to dating apps, online dating,… we can always find someone better. It’s the best way to end up alone.

Yet, we can’t force people to stay into our life.

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