broken heart, life, love, relationships

Taste in men

The things you can’t have are those who matter the most. Before I met the man of my life, I used to be attracted to men who couldn’t care less about me.  I still don’t know why I had such a bad taste in men at that time.  But I’m not the only one. I met a year ago a woman named Jane who could have all the men she wanted, but she always chose the one who weren’t attracted to her. They weren’t the smartest nor the nicest nor the most good-looking guy, but she wanted them instead of the numerous pretenders she could have had. She told me that she likes the challenge of convincing a man to love you. But she also told me that she failed a lot at it. And she even ended up with a broken heart. Jane admitted that she was a very rational personal, but whenever she fell in love, she became completely irrational.

Could you really force a man to love you ? Maybe, but in my view, you can’t control the others’ feelings, unless you’re a fine manipulator. However, I know a woman who is like the character played by Julia Roberts in the film Runaway Bride. But unlike Maggie Carpenter, she didn’t escaped her wedding …

This woman has become an expert in make believes for men. She can convince them she liked the same stuff than them. But it also means that she calculates every single word she says, and that’s not really love for me.

life, love, relationships

When events are against you

Relationships aren’t easy and there are many things that add complications to them. For instance, you can fall in love with a married man, or a man with children as friendly as Pol Pot with you. You can fall in love with a man whose profession will keep him away most of the time, or a man who lives abroad.

How do we manage our relationships with that ? Cathy, a friend of mine, recently fell in love with a journalist living in London. The problem is that she lives in Brussels. She has to travel a lot for her profession, and so does he. So it is really hard for them to see each other. But she likes the thrill of it.

I asked her if she thinks about moving to London to get close to him, but she replied that she doesn’t want to rush things with him, and that moving to London could scare him.  I wonder how long this relationship will last.

I know a few examples of women who decided to live abroad to be with their lover. Maybe I’m too cautious, but I wouldn’t jeopardize a relationship like that. What if it doesn’t work ? And what if it does work ?

love, relationships

Is the first cut the deepest ?

I remember, once, when we were talking, my friends and I,  about our ex-boyfriend, we agreed that we all have an ex who still occupies a special place amongst the rest of them. For some of my friends, this one is their first kiss, or their first love. For some others, it would be the one who broke their heart for the first time, if not the first and the last time.

We all have learned from our past experiences with men, especially our first love. Those experiences have shaped our future relationships. For example, Beverly couldn’t trust men anymore after she discovered that her first love was cheating on her.  I’m no exception to that.  I have too an ex-boyfriend who left me without warning. He was my first love, and I was madly in love with him. I would have done anything for him. When he left without any explanation, I had a hard time putting myself together. And since then, I promised myself not to play again such a fool for a man.  But I have changed my mind a little since I met the man of my life.

love, relationships, women

The new games of love (part 2)

Speed dating is another way to break the monotony of your celibacy. But, for some reasons, most single people I know prefer chatting on the Internet rather than speed dating.

This new way of finding a date is indeed particular. Unlike dating site where you can remain anonymous if you want or pretend to be someone else, you’ll have to convince the man in front of you to go on a date in 7 minutes. And so does he have to convince you too.  In that lapse of time, physical criteria as well as your personality do matter a lot.  In other words, unless you’re a professional liar, it is really hard to pretend to be someone else.   

Can we judge someone in just 7 minutes?  How can we know we’re not passing by the man of our life?  Many of my married friends told me that when they first met their husband, they didn’t find them attractive, or funny. It took them a while to realize that these men were made for her.  So when I asked one of my friend if she would have chosen her husband if she had just 7 minutes of time, she replied to me that she would have probably made the wrong choice.

On the other side, I know a woman who can make a judgement on a man in less than 7 minutes. H. has done a lot of speed dating so far, and she told me she has established a list of criteria she secretly applies to every man she meets.  It goes from clothes, accessorize ( no bracelet, rings, piercings,…),  to personality ( not a nervous, or a too sensitive one, not an idiot, …). Her list is so long I wonder if she ‘s still able to find a man avoiding any of these criteria.

dating site, life, relationships, women

The new games of love (part 1)

Before,  a woman had to go to a party, a bar, or the disco to find a man. But now, with internet, things have changed a lot. Many women I know prefer to chat on the web with a perfect unknown person than being approach on the dance floor or in a bar. Funny, isn’t it?

But on the internet, you can find men who just pretend to be someone else. Sally, a faithful user of the dating site Meetic, has established a list of the liars she met through chating on this site. There’s Billy, 35, a tall blonde man with blue eyes, very athletic. He runs his own company, owns a porsche and love paintings & litterature, especially Monay and Dostowyesqi. 

Sally has also listed the guy who lied just a little about their appearance. For example, she met Jerome once in a bar. Just before their rendez-vous, he sent her his picture. But the picture must have been taken 10 years ago because he looked way much older in real life, with also less hair and more weight.

There are also the men who lied about their situation. Sally chatted with a guy who proposed to meet her between 5 and 7 pm or during lunch time. But not in the week-end.  She accepted once to meet him, and she clearly saw the lighter band of  skin on his finger, you know, the finger which is supposed to wear an certain ring where it is written the day of your wedding.

But all guys are not liars. Sally met some nice men too through Meetic. But she hasn’t found the right one yet.  

celibacy, relationships, women

A strong character

I have to work sometimes with Emma, a 41 year old publicist very pretty, but still single. Contrary to N., she isn’t desperate about her condition because she ‘s always busy and often goes out. In addition to her job, she manages different associations defending women, children, …

Because of her job and her activities, she has developped a strong character. In other words, you don’t mess with her. And that particular aspect of her frightens a lot of men. Most of them can’t handle her personality.

Some of her entourage often compare her to Samantha Jones, but except the fact that, like Samantha, Emma radiates confidence in everything she does, the comparison stops there. With men, Emma is more like Miranda Priestly than Samantha Jones.

So far, Emma hasn’t much complained about her celibacy, because she ‘s the type of person who doesn’t want pity. But last year, during Christmas, we had to work late together for a project. And by the time we had to get back to our house, I realized that she  would spend the evening on her own.  I offered her to join my family for the supper, but she declined the invitation. I felt so terrible for her at that time.

broken heart, relationships, women

How to deal with a broken heart?

Beverly, an old friend of mine (we know each other from the kindergarden) , can’t stay in a true relationship for long.  She says she can’t trust her partner and she always fears he would cheat on her or leave her for another woman. About a year ago, she has started dating a guy she met at a bar, and has taken things really slowly with him since then. She is seeing other guys as well, and doesn’t want to know if his official  also sees  other women.

When she was 20, she had a serious relationship with one guy during four years. They moved in an apartment together after two years of romance. I always tought she would end up getting married and having children with him.  But instead of that, they called it quits because she discovered he was cheating on her.

She  admits that this story has completely changed the way she looks at men. And because she doesn’t want to have her heart broken again by an unfaithful guy, she started having  relationships with no strings attached. 

I wonder how these kind of relationships would end up for her. At 30, she feels no pressure getting married or having kids. But it will certainly change.