N. is a woman I met recently. She’s only 29, but she already feels desperate about being single. “At my age, all my friends are either married, in couple, or have children” , she once explained to me. I do understand that it is hard for her living in a society where celibacy, especially for a woman, is seen like a disease. I remember going to a dinner with some friends, where we were all in couple, except one woman. All the couples asked her if she has met someone or even find the right guy. And there was that particular couple who look at her like she was a poor thing. I felt so embarrassed for her…
N. told me that she recently bumped into an old friend of her. She hasn’t seen him for a long time, and now he’s married and has an adorable little daughter. Again, she felt bad because of that. But they exchanged their telephone numbers, and now they are constantly hanging on the phone and sending SMS to each other. The last time I saw her, she told me that she was going to have a dinner with him. His wife doesn’t know anything.
I asked her if she has an affair with him, and she avoided the question by switching to another subject. I don’t want to judge her, but I’m afraid that if this story goes belly up, she would be the one who will suffer the most of it.
Why women pick the wrong guy ? I know two women, in their forties now, who felt for the most horrible men on this earth. When they were 35, both of them were single, desperate (one of them was still living with her parents) and they finally find love in their office. One chose an arrogant guy with a high self esteem. When she became pregnant with him, he didn’t want to recognize the child at first, and was heavily cheating on her. Their relationship lasted 8 years, during which he had kids with other women and he also beated her. Even if they are separated now, he’s constantly harrassing her.
The other woman chose a guy with a low, low self esteem which drived him into the arms of alcohol and drugs at the end. He constantly lied to her, and even steal her to buy his drugs. She had two kids with him, before kicked him out of her house, devastated.
Is it because we are desperate that we pick the wrong guy ?