women

Picking the wrong guy

The wrong guyN. is a woman I met recently. She’s only 29, but she already feels desperate about being single. “At my age, all my friends are either married, in couple, or have children” , she once explained to me.  I do understand that it is hard for her living in a society where celibacy, especially for a woman, is seen like a disease. I remember going to a dinner with some friends, where we were all in couple, except one woman. All the couples asked her if she has met someone or even find the right guy. And there was that particular couple who look at her like she was a poor thing. I felt so embarrassed for her…

N. told me that she recently bumped into an old friend of her. She hasn’t seen him for a long time, and now he’s married and has an adorable little daughter.  Again, she felt bad because of that.  But they exchanged their  telephone numbers, and now they are constantly hanging on the phone and sending  SMS to each other. The last time I saw her, she told me that she was going to have a dinner with him. His wife doesn’t know anything.

I asked her if she has an affair with him, and she avoided the question by switching to another subject.  I don’t want to judge her, but I’m afraid that if this story goes belly up, she would be the one who will suffer the most of it.

Why women pick the wrong guy ? I know two women, in their forties now, who felt for the most horrible men on this earth. When they were 35, both of them were single, desperate (one of them was still living with her parents)  and they finally find love in their office. One chose an arrogant guy with a high self esteem. When she became pregnant with him, he didn’t want to recognize the child at first, and was heavily cheating on her.  Their relationship lasted 8 years, during which he had kids with other women and he also beated her. Even if they are separated now, he’s constantly harrassing her. 

The other woman chose a guy with a low, low self esteem which drived him into the arms of alcohol and drugs at the end.  He constantly lied to her, and even steal her to buy his drugs. She had two kids with him, before kicked him out of her house, devastated.

Is it because we are desperate that we pick the wrong guy ?

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women

Dinner with your male friend(s)

Dina is a good friend of mine, and extremely beautiful. she’s 35, and she’s still single too. The problem with her is her many male friends. The men she has dated so far got fed up with them, and with her. They usually can’t stand the idea of her having a dinner with one of her friend. Ah, jealousy !

For Dina, I know  it is quite a problem because she only gets along with guys. As  a woman, I’m one of the lucky few to be her friend. She doesn’t like that much hanging with girls. It’s not her stuff. 

She often asks me if it’s wrong to have just a dinner with your male friend. For me, as long as she has the kind of brother-sister relationship with them, it’s OK. But how can you know you’re not trapped in a plan of unconscient seduction?

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women

Maturity

One of my friend, who is 30 now, told me that she only attracts older men, in their fifties or something like that. She personally wouldn’t give it a try, but I know other women who would date older men. I’ve met a women named Valerie who recently fell in love with a guy who could be his dad. She’s 32, he’s 53. And he has two kids. She explained that she loved the fact that he was more mature than all the other men of her age she has ever dated. And also the way he treated her, like a  princess.

I’m not judging her, because I’ve never dated older guys. But she underlined a true problem with men of our age.  I know one couple of the same age (32), where the woman constantly treats his husband like a child, and she’s not the only the example that I know.

On the contrary, when a woman dates a older man, chances are he could behave like a father to her.

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wacky

Weddings

Weddings

 Nowadays, I observe more and more couples choosing not to get married, even if they already have children, like brangelina or Tomkat (OK, these two are finally gonna get married, but they had Suri before the wedding). The people that I ‘ve met told me that they don’t need that ceremony to prouve their love for each other. Some of them  told me that they hate the ceremony, with the church, the maids of honour, the dress, and your relatives crying all the time. Others would fear  it will change everything in their relationship. I remember  a woman who had a 10 years-long relationship with his man. They ended up getting married, and one year later, they divorced. They had no children together. She said that she felt different when she was married and she didn’t like it.

Another couple recognize that without the ceremony, a wedding is very sad. But with a ceremony, it is a nightmare. Too much pressure, too much things to cope with. That’s why they decided not to get married.

The truth is that the preparation of a wedding is a real source of stress for the future bride and groom. You have to deal with various things like the church, the dress(es), the place where you’ll be celebrating your wedding, the food, the wine,… and the organization of the guests’ tables. If you are lucky, all your relatives and friends do get along very nicely, so you don’t have to worry about which person will be sitting next to one other. But it is rarely the case. For whatsoever reason, your uncle Jim and your cousins can’t stand each other, or your parents are divorced and your mother can’t see your father with his new bitch  girlfriend in a reasonable distance of -let’s say 500 hundred feet. I’ve been to a wedding where, with the help of alcohol, the end of the evening turned into world war III because of the relatives and friends ended up fighting.

That’s one of the trickiest part of the wedding,  but it’s not the only one. What if you choose an outdoor ceremony  in the middle of summer and it suddenly starts to rain ? What if the food you choose is not good, of even worse, if the food will never come because the delicatessen had a problem, for example a car accident ?  I will always remember that wedding where all the family, including the bride, had to go to the supermarket all dressed up buying food because the delicatessen crashed his van on his way to the ceremony. Actually, I find this situation really funny. But the bride didn’t take it that way at the time, because she was constantly crying during the ceremony.  Luckily for this couple, they are still married now.

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women

Helen

Helen is a 35 years old friend of mine, and she’s still single. Also a little bit desperate to find a man. But she tries hard. She did speed dating, Meetic, and all the stuffs a single person would do to find someone, but no Mr right on the horizon. What’s wrong with her ? She’s a smart, talented, and pretty woman who occupies a managing post for an international company.  She doesn’t have kids, doesn’t smoke or drink. She’s also a really nice person.

She told me once that she intimidates men. That’s why she always stays single. I’ve read a study in the New York Times  that men usually prefer idiot women rather than intelligent ones, and also women who occupies a less important job than them. That would explain why a CEO would fall in love with his secretary , or the kind of romance described in Pretty Woman, where Richard Gere fell for a prostitute.

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women

Women

I’m not an expert in love. I had terrible relationships with men until I met the man of my life, eight years ago.  And I feel lucky to have him. It’s not the case of all the women I have met so far. There’s always something wrong with men, as they told me. Is it that difficult to find your match ? 

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