life, love, reflexion, relationships, women

Who should make the first move ?


My grandmother used to told me when she was alive that women should never make the first move with men. “If he really wants you, he will come to you. Let him come to you, don’t try to provoke things” she said back then. However,  this kind of situation could apply  in her time, but not in our modern time.

So here’s the debate now: who should make the first move ? Around me, I’ ve seen many women making the first move with men, because these guys would have never made the first step with her. Too shy, obviously.  One of my friend told me that when she started dating her man, she had to take the lead because he wouldn’t try anything with her. She proposed him to go and have a dinner. The first night when they went for dinner, she was hoping he would kiss her at the end of the evening, but nothing happened. She had to wait for two other dinners to get a kiss, and that’s because she took things in control.  Her man explained to her  she made such an impression on him  that he completely lost control with her. My friend found his attitude so sweet, so she didn’t mind.  What if she had waited for him?  She said to me she could have waited for a long time.

On the other hand,  my grandmother could have reason for some specific situations. Helena, a old friend of mine, had a crush on one of her colleague at work. She kept bringing  him his coffee and sandwiches,  and helping him with his work. She hoped her efforts would pay off with him and that he would take her for dinner. But he didn’t do anything with her because he wasn’t interested at all.  And also, he got hooked six months later with another of his colleague, who was less enterprising than  her. Maybe if she had played more distant with him, he would have come to her. But now, she would never know.

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6 thoughts on “Who should make the first move ?

  1. I got a bit fed up of being messed up by trying too hard
    so I said to myself
    “I’ll let her, whoever she may be, make the first move. That way I KNOW that she likes me”

    You’d think that would’ve worked.
    Apparently some girls enjoy doing things they don’t mean…….a lot.

  2. lacey says:

    this exerpt is sad but all the more unfortunately true. i have experienced a severe case of unrequited “love” by two men in very close time periods and in both cases I was the one making the first “moves” and initiating contact. this eventually drove the men I liked very much at the time to lose interest in my very quickly and now I highly regret not being distant and withdrawn, since it seems that men will chase women when they do not pursue them first.

  3. Hi Lacey,

    Never pursue a man. He will be quickly bored. If he’s interested in you, he will come to you.The key in this is to focus on you. Show him that you’re interested. But then, remember to focus on your social life.

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