life, love, relationships, sex, women

To cheat or not to cheat ?

Who’s never been tempted to cheat on his/her partner while involved in a committed relationship ? If there were absolutely no consequence, would you consider having an affair with someone else ? That’s a tricky question. Some people yield to the temptation, others refuse because it’s against all their principles, and then some others don’t know what they’ll do.

It’s often said that men need an occasion to cheat on their wife, while women need a reason for being unfaithful. I mentioned in a previous post how a woman can choose to have a lover because she feels left out by her husband.  But there can be other reasons.

If you live secluded in your house and don’t meet many people, chances are you’ll be more faithful than a person who goes out often and has a rich social life. 

Also, certain situations favour the unfaithfulness. I remember one of my friend crying because she cheated on her partner while she was travelling away for her job. She told me that she had to do a presentation that turned into a living nightmare. When it was finished, she felt so miserable, but one of her colleague came to her and started to cheer her up. They ended up chatting at the bar of the hotel, and after many drinks, she went back into his room and spend the rest of the night with him.

I do  admit that I’ve been once tempted by another man. But it stopped there.  I’m way too attached to my man and the perspective of hurting his feelings is breaking my heart.

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life, love, relationships, women

The tide that left and never came back

Did you ever feel blue after you met someone special, the one you would like to know better but you know you will never see again ? And how do you deal with that feeling ?

In my life, I’ve met two men I wished I could have known better but who were out of my reach. Both live abroad, even though one of them  lives in a very near country. I just gave it up. I’m not a risk taker.

But  some women I know are maybe less shy than me and pursued the men they want to know better. One of them has married the object of her affection, but for the others, that’s a different story.

The problem is that, if we want to know better a guy, it’s because he’s a total stranger to us. So you’ ll exposed yourself to a lot of surprises ( good or bad)  if you want to discover his life. 

A friend of mine found out that the man she was chasing was married. Another one discovered that “her” man was gay.

I believe that if our roads never crossed again, it’s because it’s destiny. You don’t fight against that.  

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life, love, relationships, sex, women

Would you do anything for love ?

How far could you go in the name of love ?  For some people, it seems there’s no limit. I’ve met a lot of women who told me about what they do to make a man love them, and in most of the cases, it didn’t work because the guy eventually dumped them.

Some women explained that they have changed completely their personality in hope their partner would love them back. For example, N., a very sporty and shallow (by shallow, I mean she prefers to ignore all the problems of the world) person, fell in love with a hunt saboteur who didn’t care much about her. He was just with her to have some fun, but she was so desperately in love with him that she decided to embrace his cause and put aside her personality.  In the end, she didn’t win his love, and he just got rid of her.

There are also women who are convinced that sex is the key to make  a man love them. Remember that men can sleep with a woman and then feel nothing about it ( in “Sex and the City”). So they think that, by accepting any sexual practice he asks, they can win his heart.

A recent study showed that most women who accept to go to echangism clubs aren’t necessarily keen about it. They just do it because their husband or lover ask them to go with them in such a place.

And for the other special sexual practice, I’ve heard some disturbing testimonies too. St. explained to me that she once accepted sodomy because she thought her partner would love her more after that. He dumped her shortly after the act.

Of course, if you’re into those practices, the situation is very different. But the point is, whenever you make a sacrifice in hope to win a man’s heart, think about it twice: is it really worth it ?

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celibacy, life, relationships, sex, women

Love with no strings attached

 

What do you do when you don’t want to commit in  a relationship ? Some try the joy of celibacy, some other can’t stand being alone, and choose  a strange kind of relationship: love with no strings attached. The New York Times has written quite a lot about this phenomenon in NYC, but now we start to see this coming in European towns.

In Brussels, I ‘ve met  quite a lot of single women who told me about their special fuck friends. Basically, these women have one (or more) friend they call whenever they need to have sex, but they don’t want to get involved in a true relationship. In other words, this guy is just a “friend with benefits”.

I’m quite impressed by those women, because I do have many male friends and I don’t see myself sleeping with one of them if I was single ( which I’m not) . If it was the case, I couldn’t be so detached. I’m  not the kind of woman who can sleep with a man and then feel nothing about it. Candace Bushnell explained in her book Sex and the City that’s more typical of men. Maybe I’m too old fashioned…

Besides, maybe this kind of relationship works for women who are afraid to commit, but for the others, it can be just hurtful. One of the woman I met told me she has a crush on her friend, and accepted to be his fuck friend because it was the only way to get into a relationship with him. She also explained she wasn’t his only fuck friend, just one among the others, and that she was a bit jealous about the other women.  I asked her why she didn’t tell him about her feelings, and she replied that if she did that, she would probably lose him, as a sexual partner, but also as a friend.

It’s clear that for some women, it’s just a game. But we’re not all Samantha Jones.

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life, love, reflexion, relationships, Those little things that kill us, women

Those men who can’t make a proper compliment


When you’re in a relationship, you generally like when your man compliments you and says he loves you. But for some male, complimenting a lady doesn’t necessarily have the same meaning than you think. And some are even allergic to the word “I love you”, even though they do have feelings for their lady.
Some women I’ve met told me that they ‘ve accepted the lack of compliments from their man, or just turn what he said into a compliment. Here’s an example with one of my friend.

Her man never tells her she’s beautiful (she’s really beautiful though), but instead, he gives her strange compliments like “Oh, you’re all dressed up today”, or “you have washed your hair”, or ” you’ve put make up”,… And she just thanks him for that, a bit like Eeyore in Winnie the Pooh , you know, when he says” Thank you for noticing me”.  Many women would dump this kind of guy, but she stays with him because she told me it’s just his way to say that he loves her. Hum….

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life, love, Those little things that kill us

Lack of initiative

As a woman, I’m sometimes appalled by the lack of initiative (in certain domains, let’s make it clear) of our companion(s). I get a lot of complaints from my female friends about how their man ruined their birthday by simply planning nothing (one of my friend even told me that her man constantly forgot her birthday, but her man is the most distracted man I ‘ve ever met) .  Some others complained about how their man just let everything into their hands, like for example the education of the kids, the preparation of the holidays, the organisation of a dinner, and so on.

Experiment n°1: Put your man in a supermarket , with a shopping list ( don’t be cruel) , and let him buy all the stuff written on the list.  If you’re really cruel, don’t specify anything, and hang up your mobile phone.   As a woman, you probably know which brand and which product to choose from, but for a man, it’s not quite obvious, isn’t it ?

Some of my friends tried this experiment (I’ve never tried with my man, I know he would also fail at it) and noticed something: if they don’t established a shopping list, their man would take absolutely no initiative to know what’s USEFUL to buy. Instead, they will bring either nothing, or plenty of stuffs like frozen pizzas, beer, chips,… All the good stuffs of a single male.

Experiment n°2:Domestic tasks (the very tricky one). Unless you’re with a butler, this experiment illustrated clearly a man’s lack of initiative.  Leave all the dishes in the sink and the garbage bin full, and go away for a day or two (he can’t stand your mother, so here ‘s an occasion to pay a visit to her without him).  If you find the dishes cleaned and the garbage bin empty when you get back, then, keep your man, you have found a precious one. Because we all experimented this, and all had to do the dishwashing and to empty the garbage bin after all. I know no exception to that, except one of my friend, but she cheated and told her man to do so.

Experiment n°3: The anniversary. Ok, if he forgets your birthday, he’s unforgiven. But try this: make a list of all your mutual friends and his family (including uncles, aunts, cousins,…) and then tell him to plan a gift (just a gift, a party is even more complicated)  for each of them.  Again, don’t specify anything ( I know, it’s tempting) . If he doesn’t forget anyone, then you have a pearl. But that doesn’t count if he just brings to everyone a bunch of stuff he stole from work (example: a pen).

You can also try with : leaving him alone with the kids, making the dinner for 4 persons (don’t try if you’re married to a chef) ,…

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broken heart, life, love, reflexion, relationships, women

The classiest ways to dump someone (or to get dumped)

Who never got dumped in his/her life ? Around me, I know only one woman who didn’t, because she’s still with her first love ( they’ve been together now for 30 years, and they’re only 42 year old).

It’s always easier to leave than to be left behind, isn’t it ? Sometimes, it hurts just your pride, but sometimes, it can break your heart  too. If you add to that  a terrible ending, it’s even more difficult to bear.  By terrible endings, I mean the sentences your ex pronounced, or not,  when he/ she wanted to leave you.

The best ways of dumping someone remain always the same: a bit of honesty and some compassion for the other. It is always more pleasant to hear this:” we’re not meant to be, but I wish you to meet the right person and hope you would take care of yourself“. But some persons are just too cold hearted or too weak to dump properly their companion. Here are some examples of their crimes.

  • Crime n°1: Disappearing into nature

I was dating a long time ago a guy I was madly in love with.  Once, I was invited to spend the week-end in one of my friend’s house, but without him.At that time, it was the beginning of the mobile, so I was out of his reach during the whole week-end.  When I came back, he never showed up again in my life, he just simply disappeared, without a word of explanation. I tried to call him, but he didn’t want to answer my call, I  even tried to get to his home to get an explanation, but my friends just told me to give it up. So  I gave it up. I never saw him again since then.

  • Crime n°2: Lack of consideration

N., a friend of mine, dated a guy who had such a bad temper. One day, they’re were driving to a party, and got an argument in the car.  So, he stopped the car, and simply told her to get out of the car and never come back into his life. The problem was that he dropped her in a desert parking lot late in the evening. Luckily for my friend, a police car was patrolling in the neighbourhood, so she got back home safely.

  • Crime n°3: The letter/ e-mail/ SMS

Of course, if you receive a long letter/ e-mail to tell you it’s over, that doesn’t count. But a short message, like: I quit/ I have enough of you/ I hate you and I don’t want to see you again/ Get out of my life,…. That is always a  class act.

  • Crime n°4:  Cheating openly

One of my friend started a relationship with a guy from her office ( never a good idea). After some months, she once went to a bar with her girlfriends when she discovered him kissing another woman. Instead of apologizing, he just told her: “By the way, we’re over, I’m dating her now”. Ouch!

  • Crime n°5: The big cleaning

N, a woman I know, was living with her companion for one year in his apartment. Once, she got back from work , and to her surprise, she found all of her stuffs packed in front of the apartment, with a little word saying ” get out of my life and don’t forget to leave the key“. Let’s make clear that she didn’t do anything wrong to him, like cheating or making fun of him in public.

These ways of dumping people are the classiest, I think. Of course, they’re sometimes justified if your partner cheats on you or just treats you like dirt.

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