While some single women avoid married men like plague, some others systematically fall for them. There’s something to do with their relationship with their father, according to Freud and other psychologists.
I’m not gonna give my own analysis of those women, but, since I encountered some of them who told me about their story, I just want to depict how they feel.
There are different categories for women attracted by married men. First of all, there’s the woman who didn’t know about his civil state. In that case, I’ve noticed that they become particularly vigilant with men after this catastrophic relationship. T. is a 39 year-old journalist who met her lover during a press trip. She thought he was single too, because he didn’t wear any ring and pretended he was single. They started a relationship that lasted two years, until she discovered he was married with 2 kids. She felt so betrayed at that moment that she took a long time to get over him. “I couldn’t believe he lied to me” she said. It’s been two years since this relationship is over, but she still hasn’t fully recovered from it and doesn’t want to date other men.
Secondly, there’s the mistress. Unlike the first category, she knows the situation of her lover, and that’s what excites her. I do admit that I don’t want to have a friend like that, I would be afraid that she could steal my man. A., a 41 year-old PR, collects married men like others would collect stamps. She told me that she doesn’t believe in men’s faithfulness , and by seducing married men, she get the proof that they’re not faithful.
The third category is quite particular. It applies to women who just fell for the guy, knowing he’s married, because he’s just “the one”. “I knew he was married, but I had the feeling if I didn’t have him, I would have regretted it all my life” St. explained. “I spent with him the most beautiful moments in my life, even though I knew that sooner or later, it will be over” she added. Her relationship with her married man lasted four years, until he got a promotion for a post in another country. St. told me she never expected anything from him, except his love, and that’s what she got.
Then, there’s the believer. She also know the situation of her man, she also felt he was “the one”, but, instead of St., truly believes he would divorce his wife for her, or at least, makes plans of living a life with him. N., a 29 year-old nurse, started an affair with a old friend of her, who just got a little girl with his wife. Although she doesn’t admit it, she secretly hopes he would leave his wife for her. She once explained she wish she had his baby. If this isn’t a clear sign she wants to commit with him, then I don’t know what it is. The problem is that I know a lot of men who choose to stay with their wife instead of leaving with their mistress. This kind of relationship is based on a bet. But remember that, with every bet, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.