life, love, relationships, women

How do we survive after an infidelity ?


According to a study, 25 % of men and 15 % of women have had an affair. Some couples survive after the infidelity of one of the partners, while others go belly up after that. It’s a question of reasons: some couples find significant  reasons  to believe their relationship can last, despite the anger and the heartbreak.  It’s also a question of frequency: the more you cheat  and your partner knows everything, the more he/ she would be fed up with your cheating and leave you. But, especially, it depends on your capacity to forgive and forget about it.

Significant reasons ? Here are some examples. C., a 36 year-old teacher, cheated on her husband because she felt neglected. Unfortunately for her, she got pregnant with her lover, but refused to tell everything to her husband. When the baby was born, her husband thought naturally he was the father, and was devastated to learn, three months later, he wasn’t actually the biological one.  But after a long reflexion, he chose to stay with his wife and the kid because he got so attached to “his daughter” and couldn’t live without M.

A., a 41 year-old actress, had an affair with another actor playing in the same theater than her. She was spending more time in the theater than at home, but her husband wasn’t often either there, too busy going at the gym. He eventually learned about her affair, and asked for a divorce. One year later, while the process of the divorce  wasn’t even finished, he decided to rekindle his romance with his wife. They both realized they got a little out of sight from each other, but also that they truly love each other. So, she has reduced her presence in the theater while he has reduced drastically the gym.

But sometimes, couples stay together for the wrong reasons. The most obvious one is the children, but we can’t really blame them for that.  In this case, usually, they permit each other to pursue their relationship with their respective lover, because love is dead between them.

Forgive and forget ? If you’re particularly vindictive, chances are you will forgive your unfaithful partner, but you will never forget about it.  S., a 39 year-old accountant, cheated once on her husband. He decided to forgive her for that, but couldn’t take the idea of seeing her with another man out of his head. He became suspicious and extremely jealous after her infidelity. After years of fights because of his jealousy, they decided to divorce.

Could you forgive your partner if he/she cheats on you ? That’s a tough question. 

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5 thoughts on “How do we survive after an infidelity ?

  1. I know trust plays an important part in a relationship, but apparently, some people are able to keep trusting their cheating partner. Maybe it’s denial.

  2. d200shooter says:

    If you loose all trust in your partner, there is no longer a reason to stay together. If you can understand the reasons behind infidelity, and truely love your partner, there is a good chance of repairing the relationship.

  3. d200shooter: it’s always a question of significant reasons to forgive your unfaithful partner.

    Suresh Gandappa: trust is such a delicate feeling.

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