broken heart, life, love, reflexion, relationships, women

The time was wrong

For those who think about their old flame on this Valentine’s Day and eventually about winning back their heart, here are some little stories.

J. fell in love with R. when they were both 29, but at that time, they were both engaged with someone else. Because they didn’t want to hurt their partners and disappoint their parents and family who were planning their wedding, they decided to stop their affair with each other.  They didn’t see each other after their wedding. Ten years after, they accidentally met in a restaurant, and realized they were both divorced, but again, they were involved in a relationship with another person. J. immediately dumped his partner after this brief encounter, in hope to win back R.’s heart. But R. remained faithful to her partner during the next two years. J. didn’t want to give up and pursued her with tons of love letters, flowers, … until she eventually yielded to him.

M. met H. while they were travelling in America. But after the end of the trip, H. completely vanished from M.’s life. M. thought at that time that H. was the one, but was very disappointed when she saw he didn’t try to get closer to her, and eventually disappeared. But three years later, H. tried to get in touch with her through a friend of her. He explained to her why he disappeared after the trip. He was married at that time, but fell immediately in love with M. when he first saw her. It took him so long to get back to her because he wanted to make sure he wasn’t passing by the chance of his life with his wife.

T. and R., were both single when they first met, and started to date straight away. But T. just got out of a nasty divorce and got a little depressed after that.  Her bad mood weighted a lot on their relationship, so they parted their way. But they never forgot each other. Years later, they decided to rekindle their romance.

In all those examples,  the couples realized they bonded when the time was wrong, but they were also made for each other. Some couples however never reformed years after their breakup, because one of the ex-lovers decided to turn the page.

By the way, for those who want to get away from their lover on this day, this link maybe important.

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love, Music

What’s your favorite love song?

I know this post sounds a lit cheesy just before Valentine’s Day and its procession of crimson roses, cuddly stuffed teddybears, heartshape chocolates, and other sugary stuffs , but let’s pretend  this day doesn’t exist.

Everyone has a favorite love song (OK, if you’re a fan of heavy metal, this doesn’t apply to you, although I’m sure  heavy metal love songs exist). If you could name five of the best love songs, which one would you choose ?

Personally, I particularly appreciate this one, by Dire Straits.

And this one by Katie Melua

And these two from the two biggest bands in the world

At last, a less-known British artist named Corinne Bailey Rae

If you want informations on how other cultures do in that special day, go to this link.

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life, love, relationships, women

The best place to find love

 

According to a recent study conducted in the USA, 60 % of the employees interrogated recognized they’ve had  one love relationship or more at the office. If we believe these statistics, work is therefore the best place to find love, far beyond the bars, dancings, and other common places where we used to flirt before.

This situation also applies in many more other countries than the USA. But, unlike in America, most companies don’t forbid relationships between their employees. In some big companies in Europe, the directions have applied a certain code where a couple cannot work in the same unit or team. I bless this decision, since in my company, it is allowed for a couple to work in the same team or same unit, and this brings a lot of odd situations. How many times we have felt embarrassed at work because we’ve assisted to a fight between two of our colleagues who were lovers ? The truth is that I don’t like much knowing those details on my colleagues. It’s their private life, nobody in the office has to know.

Why is the office the best place to find love? Well, it’s simple, it’s where you spend most of your time. One of my friend told me that at her office, one of her colleague tried to flirt with her and said to her ” Don’t you realize you spend more time with  me than with your partner ? “.  She got a little depressed after that (if you ever meet her colleague, you would understand why).

How does the relationship starts then between two colleagues ? It often happens during the pauses, or special events organized by the company/ or the unit. For example, one of my friend fell in love with with one of her colleague during her company’s Christmas party. Another woman I know started a relationship with one of her colleague after a Friday drink. In those cases, alcohol helped them a lot.

The office is a quite convenient place to find love, but it also brings a lot of inconvenients.  For example, if you start dating one of your colleague in front of everyone in the office, while you are married or committed in another relationship, chances are your partner will sooner or later know everything about it. Especially if one of your colleague is your worst enemy or if he/she cannot hold his/her tongue.  In one of the previous companies where I used to work, one of the employees had an affair with the receptionist. Her wife discovered everything and came one day at the office with bags full of his clothes.

 Another inconvenient is the break up. When you go separate ways with your partner, you don’t necessarily want to see him or her straight away after the break up. So except taking a long holiday or leaving your company for another one, you have no choice but to face your ex right away in the office. If your relationship with him/her ended on a sour note, it can be difficult to confront him/her in the office. And if he/she started straight away flirting with another colleague, it can be hurtful too.

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life, love, relationships, women

I hate Valentine’s day

 

For some people (often in a love relationship), Valentine’s day is just another special day dictated by marketing. For some others (always single) , V day is just a day of living nightmare. So, some couples choose to do absolutely nothing special on V day. “Why would you prove your love for your partner on that date while you should be proving it on other numerous occasions ? ” one of my friend always asks. “Just because it’s V day, you make an effort with  your partner while the rest of the year, you’ ve been awful to her?” she added.

For the single persons, some develop creative ideas on this day. I remember when I was single that my single friends and I used to dress in black like for a funeral on V day and partied all night long. My female roommates who were single used to send flowers to each other on that day. Other women I know go to parties for single persons (you have plenty of choice if you live in a big city), in hope to find someone. Usually, in those parties, you never go back home alone (unless you’re very picky), but it often concluded on nothing serious with the guy. 

Then, there ‘s a particular kind of couples who use this day usefully.  S., a 34 year-old nurse, told me her husband and her usually make a gift of blood on that day. J., a 39 year-old employee, chooses with her husband to take  a life saving lesson. R., a 32 year-old lawyer,  goes with her husband helping various humanitarian associations( but not only on V day).

There are also couples who choose to spend a real moment together on that day. One of my friend told me her man and her have such hectic schedules in the year where they don’t see each other very much  that they welcome this day like a precious moment. Usually, they put aside everything and spend the whole day together, going to a restaurant, having a walk,…  She said that if there wasn’t V day, nothing would force them to spend some time together.

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life, love, relationships, women

What do you expect from a married man ?

While some single women avoid married men like plague, some others systematically fall for them. There’s something to do with their relationship with their father, according to Freud and other psychologists.

I’m not gonna give my own analysis of those women, but, since I encountered some of them who told me about their story, I just want to depict how they feel.

There are different categories for women attracted by married men. First of all, there’s the woman who didn’t know about his civil state. In that case, I’ve noticed that they become particularly vigilant with men after this catastrophic relationship. T. is a 39 year-old journalist who met her lover during a press trip. She thought he was single too, because he didn’t wear any ring  and pretended he was single. They started a relationship that lasted two years, until she discovered he was married with 2 kids. She felt so betrayed at that moment that she took a long time to get over him.  “I couldn’t believe he lied to me” she said. It’s been two years since this relationship is over, but she still hasn’t fully recovered from it and doesn’t want to date other men.

Secondly, there’s the mistress. Unlike the first category, she knows the situation of her lover, and that’s what excites her.  I do admit that I don’t want to have a friend like that, I would be afraid that she could steal my man. A., a 41 year-old PR, collects married men like others would collect stamps. She told me that she doesn’t believe in men’s faithfulness , and by seducing married men, she get the proof that they’re not faithful.

The third category is quite particular. It applies to women who just fell for the guy, knowing he’s married, because he’s just “the one”. “I knew he was married, but I had the feeling if I didn’t have him, I would have regretted it all my life” St. explained. “I spent with him the most beautiful moments in my life, even though I knew that sooner or later, it will be over” she added.  Her relationship with her married man lasted four years, until he got a promotion for a post in another country. St. told me she never expected anything from him, except his love, and that’s what she got.

Then, there’s the believer. She also know the situation of her man, she also felt he was “the one”, but, instead of St., truly believes he would divorce his wife for her, or at least, makes plans of living a life with him. N., a 29 year-old nurse, started an affair with a old friend of her, who just got a little girl with his wife. Although she doesn’t admit it, she secretly hopes he would leave his wife for her. She once explained she wish she had his baby. If this isn’t a clear sign she wants to commit with him, then I don’t know what it is.   The problem is that I know a lot of men who choose to stay with their wife instead of leaving with their mistress.  This kind of relationship is based on a bet. But remember that, with every bet, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.

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life, love, relationships, women

Maybe he’s the best after all…

After two divorces with Kim Mathers, Eminem got back again with her. One of his friend told that he can’t live with her, but he can’t live without her either.

This is quite the most dramatic example of couples who can’t really make their way without each other. But around me, I have many other examples of this.

One of my friend, who’s been with the same man for now 15 years, told me they once took a break from each other. She was supposed, 7 years ago, to spend 4 months in another country for her study. So she took the occasion to break up with him. At the time, she thought it was definite. Shorty  after she arrived in her new country, she started dating another man. Meanwhile, her man was devastated, and he begged her to take him back. When she came back in her home country, she decided to rekindle her relationship with her ex and dump the other guy. “After all, M. was way nicer than the other guy. He treated me better” she said. They plan to marry soon.

Sometimes, passion dies between two persons, but I’ve noticed that some couples just need a new trigger to light up their flame. And the trigger, for some women, can come in the form of another man.

Have you noticed how we started to appreciate certain things when they’re gone ? Somerset Maugham used to depict this kind of situation in his books. Who never regretted one of his/ her ex ? Of course, if you’re been with the wrong guy everytime AND realized about it afterwards, this doesn’t count.

This applies if you really love your partner, and for some reasons, you had to separate. If he’s really the one, you will run back to him ( or at least try).

Another friend of mine explained she never cheated on her man, but had sometimes unfaithful thoughts about other men. She didn’t try anything with them because she always ends up comparing her potential partner  with the light of her life. And the other men never stand the comparison. She explained that sometimes, she doubted about her love for him, but these comparisons make her realize how lucky she is with her man.

Tina Turner will explain it better.

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