life, love, relationships, women

The best place to find love

 

According to a recent study conducted in the USA, 60 % of the employees interrogated recognized they’ve had  one love relationship or more at the office. If we believe these statistics, work is therefore the best place to find love, far beyond the bars, dancings, and other common places where we used to flirt before.

This situation also applies in many more other countries than the USA. But, unlike in America, most companies don’t forbid relationships between their employees. In some big companies in Europe, the directions have applied a certain code where a couple cannot work in the same unit or team. I bless this decision, since in my company, it is allowed for a couple to work in the same team or same unit, and this brings a lot of odd situations. How many times we have felt embarrassed at work because we’ve assisted to a fight between two of our colleagues who were lovers ? The truth is that I don’t like much knowing those details on my colleagues. It’s their private life, nobody in the office has to know.

Why is the office the best place to find love? Well, it’s simple, it’s where you spend most of your time. One of my friend told me that at her office, one of her colleague tried to flirt with her and said to her ” Don’t you realize you spend more time with  me than with your partner ? “.  She got a little depressed after that (if you ever meet her colleague, you would understand why).

How does the relationship starts then between two colleagues ? It often happens during the pauses, or special events organized by the company/ or the unit. For example, one of my friend fell in love with with one of her colleague during her company’s Christmas party. Another woman I know started a relationship with one of her colleague after a Friday drink. In those cases, alcohol helped them a lot.

The office is a quite convenient place to find love, but it also brings a lot of inconvenients.  For example, if you start dating one of your colleague in front of everyone in the office, while you are married or committed in another relationship, chances are your partner will sooner or later know everything about it. Especially if one of your colleague is your worst enemy or if he/she cannot hold his/her tongue.  In one of the previous companies where I used to work, one of the employees had an affair with the receptionist. Her wife discovered everything and came one day at the office with bags full of his clothes.

 Another inconvenient is the break up. When you go separate ways with your partner, you don’t necessarily want to see him or her straight away after the break up. So except taking a long holiday or leaving your company for another one, you have no choice but to face your ex right away in the office. If your relationship with him/her ended on a sour note, it can be difficult to confront him/her in the office. And if he/she started straight away flirting with another colleague, it can be hurtful too.

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life, love, relationships, women

I hate Valentine’s day

 

For some people (often in a love relationship), Valentine’s day is just another special day dictated by marketing. For some others (always single) , V day is just a day of living nightmare. So, some couples choose to do absolutely nothing special on V day. “Why would you prove your love for your partner on that date while you should be proving it on other numerous occasions ? ” one of my friend always asks. “Just because it’s V day, you make an effort with  your partner while the rest of the year, you’ ve been awful to her?” she added.

For the single persons, some develop creative ideas on this day. I remember when I was single that my single friends and I used to dress in black like for a funeral on V day and partied all night long. My female roommates who were single used to send flowers to each other on that day. Other women I know go to parties for single persons (you have plenty of choice if you live in a big city), in hope to find someone. Usually, in those parties, you never go back home alone (unless you’re very picky), but it often concluded on nothing serious with the guy. 

Then, there ‘s a particular kind of couples who use this day usefully.  S., a 34 year-old nurse, told me her husband and her usually make a gift of blood on that day. J., a 39 year-old employee, chooses with her husband to take  a life saving lesson. R., a 32 year-old lawyer,  goes with her husband helping various humanitarian associations( but not only on V day).

There are also couples who choose to spend a real moment together on that day. One of my friend told me her man and her have such hectic schedules in the year where they don’t see each other very much  that they welcome this day like a precious moment. Usually, they put aside everything and spend the whole day together, going to a restaurant, having a walk,…  She said that if there wasn’t V day, nothing would force them to spend some time together.

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life, love, relationships, women

What do you expect from a married man ?

While some single women avoid married men like plague, some others systematically fall for them. There’s something to do with their relationship with their father, according to Freud and other psychologists.

I’m not gonna give my own analysis of those women, but, since I encountered some of them who told me about their story, I just want to depict how they feel.

There are different categories for women attracted by married men. First of all, there’s the woman who didn’t know about his civil state. In that case, I’ve noticed that they become particularly vigilant with men after this catastrophic relationship. T. is a 39 year-old journalist who met her lover during a press trip. She thought he was single too, because he didn’t wear any ring  and pretended he was single. They started a relationship that lasted two years, until she discovered he was married with 2 kids. She felt so betrayed at that moment that she took a long time to get over him.  “I couldn’t believe he lied to me” she said. It’s been two years since this relationship is over, but she still hasn’t fully recovered from it and doesn’t want to date other men.

Secondly, there’s the mistress. Unlike the first category, she knows the situation of her lover, and that’s what excites her.  I do admit that I don’t want to have a friend like that, I would be afraid that she could steal my man. A., a 41 year-old PR, collects married men like others would collect stamps. She told me that she doesn’t believe in men’s faithfulness , and by seducing married men, she get the proof that they’re not faithful.

The third category is quite particular. It applies to women who just fell for the guy, knowing he’s married, because he’s just “the one”. “I knew he was married, but I had the feeling if I didn’t have him, I would have regretted it all my life” St. explained. “I spent with him the most beautiful moments in my life, even though I knew that sooner or later, it will be over” she added.  Her relationship with her married man lasted four years, until he got a promotion for a post in another country. St. told me she never expected anything from him, except his love, and that’s what she got.

Then, there’s the believer. She also know the situation of her man, she also felt he was “the one”, but, instead of St., truly believes he would divorce his wife for her, or at least, makes plans of living a life with him. N., a 29 year-old nurse, started an affair with a old friend of her, who just got a little girl with his wife. Although she doesn’t admit it, she secretly hopes he would leave his wife for her. She once explained she wish she had his baby. If this isn’t a clear sign she wants to commit with him, then I don’t know what it is.   The problem is that I know a lot of men who choose to stay with their wife instead of leaving with their mistress.  This kind of relationship is based on a bet. But remember that, with every bet, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.

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life, love, relationships, women

Maybe he’s the best after all…

After two divorces with Kim Mathers, Eminem got back again with her. One of his friend told that he can’t live with her, but he can’t live without her either.

This is quite the most dramatic example of couples who can’t really make their way without each other. But around me, I have many other examples of this.

One of my friend, who’s been with the same man for now 15 years, told me they once took a break from each other. She was supposed, 7 years ago, to spend 4 months in another country for her study. So she took the occasion to break up with him. At the time, she thought it was definite. Shorty  after she arrived in her new country, she started dating another man. Meanwhile, her man was devastated, and he begged her to take him back. When she came back in her home country, she decided to rekindle her relationship with her ex and dump the other guy. “After all, M. was way nicer than the other guy. He treated me better” she said. They plan to marry soon.

Sometimes, passion dies between two persons, but I’ve noticed that some couples just need a new trigger to light up their flame. And the trigger, for some women, can come in the form of another man.

Have you noticed how we started to appreciate certain things when they’re gone ? Somerset Maugham used to depict this kind of situation in his books. Who never regretted one of his/ her ex ? Of course, if you’re been with the wrong guy everytime AND realized about it afterwards, this doesn’t count.

This applies if you really love your partner, and for some reasons, you had to separate. If he’s really the one, you will run back to him ( or at least try).

Another friend of mine explained she never cheated on her man, but had sometimes unfaithful thoughts about other men. She didn’t try anything with them because she always ends up comparing her potential partner  with the light of her life. And the other men never stand the comparison. She explained that sometimes, she doubted about her love for him, but these comparisons make her realize how lucky she is with her man.

Tina Turner will explain it better.

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life, love, relationships, women

Mean girls

Ha, the mystery of seduction. Did you ever notice that men generally prefer a certain type of women ? I won’t talk  here about the most obvious dilemma between blonde and brunette, but about women’s character. Because curiously, men prefer mean women.

What do I mean by “mean” ? Well, it’s quite simple. Mean women, or ball-busting bitches,  are go-getters, the one who have a strong character, who stand for what they believe and who don’t like the word “compromise” very much. The exact opposite of a girl who says yes to everything.

Around me, a lot of men explained they liked these kind of women better because with them, life isn’t boring. For them, there’s nothing like a good fight  (without punch in the face…) followed by a reconciliation on the pillow. And also, they said that their women bring a touch of drama in an ordinary life full of constraints like work, “because you have to make this life livable”.

So,  is the nice girl out of flavour ? It depends on the man. Some men prefer nice girls, don’t forget. And besides, there’s a thin line between being a bitch and being totally exasperating.  If you’re really picky, complain about everything, say no to everything and demand crazy requests all the time to your man, there’s a chance you will really annoy him.

And also, if you’re mean with him just by pleasure, if he isn’t masochist, he will probably leave you too. It’s a question of balance.

In a reverted situation, women also prefer bad guys, don’t they ?

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life, love, relationships, women

Even the most beautiful people of the planet struggle with love

We  all don’t start with the same chances  in life, nor in love. If you are gifted, particularly for your physical appearance, you get a better chance in life and love.  To find love, it’s always a question of seduction first. No matter what some people says, physical attraction plays a big part in the beginning of a relationship.  Have you ever noticed how beautiful people find easily a partner compared to those who aren’t gifted by nature?

For some couples, seduction even constitutes the cement of their relationship.  And, let’s be honest, when you want to keep the flame of love burning, you try to watch yourself just to please your companion. But how far will that go ?

Around me, I have lots of female friends who worry too much about what their partner thinks  about them. “Will he still loves me if I do this, say that, wear this, get fatter, older…?”  is the kind of sentences I always hear from them.  But I noticed that even the celebrities deal with that problem. Recently, I read an interview given by Laetitia Caesta , a famous french model, who basically explained her fears about not pleasing her partner anymore.

Some of my friends are just persuaded they’re not smart enough for their man, so they try to improve their cultural knowledge. Some others want to improve their appareance. This is where it becomes to be dangerous.  Some people spend enormous amounts of money on beauty creams, makeup, and even surgery for that.

Of course, some people use surgery and other articifial means because they aren’t satisfied by the way they look.  But there are examples where the woman got a breast augmentation just because her man loves big boobs, or dies her hair blonde if she’s a brunette just because her man loves blonde.  So the point is this: why doesn’t their man  like them as they are?

I do understand that, if you met the man of your dream when you were then blonde and thin, and years later, you have put on a lot of weight and change your hair color, he misses those early days. But if you haven’t change since the first time you met, then there ‘s a problem.

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life, love, relationships, wacky, women

When love makes you blind

When we fall in love, we only see the good side of the object of our affection. Sooner or later, we discovered more unpleasant things about the light of our life. And, depending of those imperfections, we choose to pursue (or not) the relationship with the other.

I’ve always wondered what pushes us to stay with our partner and what pushes us to leave. Can you really explain why you love your companion ? Of course, we can all say that we love him/her because she/he’s extraordinary, gentle, caring, honest, loyal, … But I ‘ve met a lot of people who told me they were in love but can’t really explain why. They also told me they were just blinded by their partner.

That’s where, sometimes, it becomes dangerous. I’m not gonna depict the sinister stories I sometimes read in newspaper where a woman explains how she became a hooker just to please her man, etc. Closer than me, I have the most dramatic example of the blinding love.

We all have friends we wished he/she would dump their partner for various reasons. It can be the bad influence, the bad treatment, or the dependency on their money. But, for a reason we don’t understand, our friend can’t leave their partner.

F., is an old friend of mine since kindergarten, and he’s only been with one girl in his whole life. But the girl he chooses, we all wished he would never have met her. They were living just two houses apart from each other when they were kids, and as they grow old, they started dating. The problem is that, when they were teenagers, she had such a bad reputation in the neighbourhood because she was sleeping around with many, many boys.  He didn’t care about this at all.

Her slut  fiancee ( because they plan to marry soon) has also a lot more heavy luggage with her. She quit school early because, let’s say it, she’s a dummy. She has many psychological problems too. For example, she can’t stand hair. Therefore, she has a problem with  sex because it’s messy for her (too much hair).  But, curiously,  she’s not faithful to him, not at all. Maybe she like the hair of the other men, but not those from her fiancee…

On top of that, my friend is well educated, he ‘s a lawyer, so he earns his life very well. And she benefits a lot from him. For us, it’s quite difficult to understand his choice, because he’s never been with other women and doesn’t know much about women in general because of his slut fiancee. But he decided she was the woman of his life, and doesn’t like when we criticize her.  Let’s hope that, someday, he will open his eyes about her. After all, we all say that love makes you blind, marriage opens your eyes.

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life, love, relationships, Those little things that kill us, women

Geisha style

 

In a relationship, the question of money always surfaces. We all have to deal with it. For some couples, it’s established that Mr. pays all the bills. For others, they just share the bills. Mr. manages his own money and Madam manages her own.

I see many couples now opening a common account which serves only to pay invoices for electricity, water, garbage, … and the food. For the rest of their personal spendings, they keep a separate account, so Madam can enjoy her shopping spree without getting criticized ( well, that depends) by her man. Usually, they choose to determine an amount they deposit monthly on their common account.

But there are also lots of couples where Mr. and Mrs. have a common account which serves for all their spendings.  This is generally a source of problem when one member of the couple is more extravagant than the other.  I don’t blame women in particular for being more extravagant than men, because I know men who are particularly spendthrift. But I would like to make a point on a certain type of women who have absolutely no problem living like a geisha, maintained by their man.

When I was studying in university, I remember that some female students  went from bar to bar and party to party to find a student in those two disciplines: medicine and engineery.  One of them told me at that time she was just such a waste for her parents that her mother asked her to find an MD to marry her. She ‘s now married with a dentist, and a housewife with three kids. She’s  kind of enjoying her life, and spends without any remorse her husband’s earnings. A bit like Gabrielle Solis in Desperate housewives, but without the gardener/lover and with three kids.

When these kinds of couples divorce, it’s always a drama because suddenly, Madam ended up with no financial resources ( she never worked in her life) . But, luckily for her, there’s spousal support (if her ex-husband decides to pay and doesn’t disappear into nature) .

Since I’m quite independant, I ‘ve always wondered how these women  can depend on their man like that. 

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