life, love, relationships, women

A box full of surprises

At the office, one of my male colleague often complains about women in general , saying that they’re like a box full of surprises. You never know what to expect from them. I often reply to him that he just doesn’t have a clue about women in general…

And besides, women aren’t all unexpectable. OK, sometimes, we do something that surprises  everyone. One of my friend, who was a model of classicism in the way she acted and she dressed, suddenly change everything and started wearing edgy, colorful clothes when she changed her man. She was married to an analyst, and left him for her hairdresser. We were all surprised by her sudden change. Since then, she’s been faithful to her new look and attitude though. She said she has found the real her.

But among all my female friends, none of them can really surprise me on a regular basis. We change because we grow old, it’s normal that we’re a little different from what we used to be ten or even five years ago.

I bet my colleague says this because of his wife. I often hear him screaming at her on the phone  at the office ( we work in a open space), for a reason I don’t know. But I often hear this sentence: “Oh no, you didn’t do that?“.

life, love, relationships, women

Don’t get me wrong

Women complain in general about one thing in men: their bad faith. I’ve heard multiple testimonies about this and my man is no exception from the lot.  You blame him for one thing he did and he simply denies everything, or worse, accuses you back of the same thing. 

Example n° 1: The household Chores

If you don’t have a cleaning lady, you probably take charge of the household chores by yourself and alone.  I’ve read somewhere that 30 % of men declare helping their ladies when it comes to these. But only 10% of the women recognize that their man really give them a hand for those tasks.  One of my friend told me that she does every household chore by herself, but sometimes, her man gives her a hand for that. “ Generally, he just  screens the house like a governor would do , focusing on little details, like for example a corner that I didn’t clean , while I’m doing everything else. He doesn’t really realize what I’m doing for this, and blame me for forgetting something while he just lift his finger from time to time”  she explained.

example n°2:  the arrangement

He’s really messy and leaves his stuffs everywhere in the house. But if you once don’t have time to arrange yours, he would blame you for that.

Example n° 3: The bed.

He snores all the time while he’s sleeping (the woman whose man doesn’t snore is one lucky lady) but if you can’t stand it anymore and tell him about it, he would deny it. Worse, he will point out that you  snore too (even if it’s not true). One of my friend said that her man pretends that he doesn’t sleep, so it’ s impossible  for him to snore.

This also applies for the car (you cannot drive a car because you’re a woman, but he’s a terrible driver),  a map ( you cannot read a map, but neither does he),…

life, love, relationships, women

Those words you can’t pronounce

Among men who are afraid to commit, there’s a type who ‘s allergic to the words “I love you”. Generally, they refuse also to show any demonstration of that precious feeling. They will refuse to hold your hand when you walk together. They treat you like a good fuck buddy.

Sometimes, the guy is just honest with you and tell you straight away he doesn’t want to get involved in a serious relationship. That’s what happened to A., 31. She met two years ago a very charming man in a bar and started dating him. He told her he doesn’t believe that love can last forever and just wanted to spend some good time with her. A. accepted the deal, but inside of her, she secretly hoped he will change his mind with her.  Once, she told him how much he meant to her and that she loved him. But she saw his face changing, getting dark at the moment she said those words. “Sweetie, you know what’s between us, so don’t spoil everything” he replied to her.  She tried again weeks later, but this time, he told her that it was over.  At least, A. was warned from the beginning.

 Sometimes, the guy changes his mind, but in the wrong way. V., 27, started dating a man she met during a meeting, and told me  that she was living a fairy tale with him the first months of their relationship. He would bring her flowers, send her sweet SMS, and treated her like a princess. But she noticed he would never said to her that he loved her. Like A., she told him once that she loved him. And all of a sudden, he started to change his attitude towards her.  He began to treat her just like a fuck friend, and V. accepted this situation because she has fallen madly in love with him. Of course, it was no way she could tell him again those three forbidden words.  One day, she received an SMS from him saying that he cheated on her, and that he would never have done this if he really loves her. He wanted also to leave her.  V. was devastated when her relationship with him ended.

It’s funny to see how just three words can make a guy run away. At least, if you’re involved in a relationship like that but you couldn’t care less about the guy, you know what you can say to him to make him leave you alone.

broken heart, life, love, relationships, women

A promise is a promise

Some men are professional liars (some women too, I agree). They lie about everything, their marital status, their job, their earnings,…  Sometimes, it’s just to impress women.  Some have even elevated lies to an art.  But sometimes, it hides a real problem. We call these people mythomaniac.

For the first category, many women I met told me that these men use and abuse of the same sentences: I promise/ I swear. And they never keep them. T. ,35, pursued a three years relationship with a married man.  He promised her that he would divorce his wife to start a family with T.  But after two years of such promises which never materialized,  T. threatened him with an ultimatum: either he leaves his wife, either she leaves him. ” The problem was that he gave me numerous reasons why he couldn’t leave his wife: she was sicked, she just lost her parents, she would be devastated, he feared her reaction, she ‘ s mentally fragile and this could kill her,….” she explained. “The more I warned him about leaving him, the more he would come with a dramatic excuse” she added. So, after another excuse of this kind, she decided to dump him.

R., 27, told me her man always swore he was faithful to her. “He was spending a lot of time with one of his female colleague at work , but he always swore it was strictly professional between them”  she said. ” He also spent a lot of time with a girl he met at the gym, but swore she was just a friend” she added.  R. eventually found out he was having an affair with both of these ladies.  

Of course, some men made promises they can keep. But some of my friends, who met such professional liars, told me that they promise too much and they swear too much everything. ” An honest man would never do that” one of my friend explained.

life, love, reflexion, relationships, women

A factor of split

In some couples, the desire of having children isn’t shared by both partners.  Remember the episode of Desperate Housewives where Carlos Solis tampered his wife’s contraceptive pills without her knowledge because he wants her to get pregnant while she refuses. That is the only recourse for the man to get his wife pregnant.

On the other side, for women, it is extremely easy to get pregnant from their men without their knowledge. You simply forget to take your pill or refuse any contraceptive like condoms and suddenly, (if you’re lucky) you’re sperminated.

But what happens when one of the partners doesn’t want children and the woman gets pregnant ? When it’s the woman who doesn’t want the child, there’s the solution of abortion. When it’s the case for the man, either he pushes to abortion, either he makes a deal with her wife,  explicit or not.

L, 33, got accidentally pregnant with her partner. For her, her pregnancy was a moment she waited all her life, so she was so happy with this news. But for her partner, this news wasn’t particularly a good one.  He finally accepted to be a father but he asked for one condition: she has to take care of the child. Since the baby is born, she told me that he didn’t lift his finger to help her with the kid. During  the week, her man is working from dusk till dawn, so he doesn’t see his son. During the week-end, he’s hanging out with his mates and is barely there at home.

L ‘s man has been honest with her. Sometimes, men aren’t so honest.  We all know some responsible fathers who start extending their hours at the office when they become father. Just to avoid their sour wife, their noisy kids and the daily routine at home.

But in L. ‘s case, and for all the other women involved in this kind of relationship, this could be a factor of split. R. , 34, realized she was doing all by herself raising her little daughter, because her husband didn’t try to give her a hand.  So, after many reflections, she decided to ask for a divorce. “I was fighting all the time with him about our daughter because he didn’t want to take care of her. I also realized that I would be better off without him” she explained.

Of course, such decision has a terrible effect on the child, more than on the parents themselves. But having parents who fight all the time isn’t good either for the child’s development.

life, love, reflexion, relationships, Those little things that kill us, women

Jealous, me ?

Among the little things that can poison a relationship, there’s jealousy. When you or your partner are too jealous, it becomes difficult to handle. We all have or know people in our entourage who are stuck in a relationship like that.

First, let’s look at how jealousy shows. A friend of mine explained he had to dump her lady because she was constantly spying him, reading his e-mails, listening to his conversation on the phone,…. She would make a scene everytime he just looked at other women in a non concuspicious way. A, 32, can’t go anywhere without her man because he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t want A. to speak to other men. He doesn’t want A. to wear mini-skirts, big cleavage and other “provoking ” clothes.

Why do we act like that? Because we’re afraid to lose our partner. But I’ve noticed that some people who are afraid to lose their partner don’t necessarily  accept to receive the same treatment for her partner. T, 29, told me that her man doesn’t appreciate when she sees her male friends, but when she complained about him watching other ladies all the time ( and not just the white in their eyes…) , he gets mad.

One of my friend explained that when she falls in love, she’s jealous of the other girls. But when she ‘s into a serious relationship with the guy, her jealousy just fades away. Because she have learned to trust her partner.  She’s right: if we trust our partner, and if he/ she trusts us, we don’t have to be jealous. Of course, if a woman starts to turn around your man, you can intervene and tell her to go away.  Personally, I appreciate when my man intervenes to tell the guy who’s turning around me to find another prey, or when he’s a little worried  if I speak to a very handsome man. It prouves that he cares for me.

We won’t appreciate if  our partner couldn’ t care less about us and show not an ounce of jealousy, don’t we?

Second, let’s see if it’s possible to heal from jealousy. E., 31, explained that she had a problem trusting her man. He realized it and let her read all his mail, listen to all his messages, search in his agenda,… until she discovered he had nothing to hide from her.   Since then, she trusts her man eyes wide shut. F., 28, explained she started imitating her man. If he spends hours at the gym surrounded by women, she would do the same, in a gym full of men.  If he sees his best friend, a beautiful young lady, she would do the same with one of her male friends ( and not the uglyiest one). By doing this, she said she learned to understand him a little more, and it has healed her jealousy.

Jealousy can be a good thing too. If we do nothing to seduce him, hanging around in pyjamas at home, wearing old clothes all the time, we don’t have to wonder why he likes to look at other women who care much about themselves. If  you care for him, you have to care for yourself too.

broken heart, life, love, relationships, women

Betrayed by your best friend

What do you fear the most in your love relationship ? There are many scenarios we wish not to happen , and in among them, there’s your best friend’s betrayal.

Losing the love of your life because he left you for your best friend is probably the worst case scenario. First, because you lose the object of your affection. Second, because you lose a shoulder to cry on, aka your best friend.

In one of my previous job, I got along well with one of my female colleague who told me everything about her sentimental life. She was sleeping with her best friend ‘s man , and developed treasures of imagination to find excuses for her friend when her lover and she weren’t available for her. Her friend didn’t notice anything because she had a very demanding job. But, one day, she got fed up working from dusk till dawn and changed for a quieter job. And of course, she started realizing what was going on between the two closest members of her entourage.  So, she confronted them, and my ex -colleague had to tell her the truth.  Her  best friend didn’t want to see them again. End of the story.

Sometimes, for a reason, the betrayed friend forgives one of the cheaters.  T., 32, discovered that her man was cheating on her with her best friend. But she wasn’t surprised at all by that because her man was such a Casanova with women in general. He already cheated on her several times before, and she always forgave him. This time, she had enough. So she told him to get out of her life, and chose to forgive her friend instead.  They are still friends now, and her best friend wouldn’t dare to betray her again (that’s what she told me).

R. ,29, chose to keep her man and dump her friend in the same situation. But, unlike T., her man wasn’t a Casanova. She had more of a problem with her best friend. “Each time that I was dating a man, she was trying to seduce him. I realize I couldn’t trust her anymore. A real friend would never do a thing like that to you”  she  explained.

Which option would you choose in that situation ?