celibacy, life, love, relationships, Those little things that kill us, women

Are we becoming too selfish ?

In our modern world, the search for happiness and personal development is becoming more and more important. Look at the multiple books of self-help in libraries. Before, for women, finding the man of her dreams and starting with him a family was the sole and ultimate goal. But now, since women have emancipated themselves, things have changed a lot. Before, many women used to stay at home watching the kids and the house, but now, housewives become more and more of an exception, because many women work like their men.

Because we work, we put on our shoulders a little more pressure we need to evacuate. We use various activities for that. It can be sports, but also knitting, shopping, chatting with our girlfriends, … As a result, we become more and more independent. And also more selfish.

This would explain why divorces are multiplying everywhere. And why we divorce earlier too. Around me, I have many examples of women in their thirties who already got divorced once. St., a 32 year-old nurse, divorced one year ago from her husband. They got married when, at 22, they just finished their studies. “At that time, I thought this marriage would last forever. But I was young and naive, and I’ve changed since then. I’ve realized I had nothing in common with my man anymore, so it was obvious we needed to divorce” she explained. C., a 33 year-old journalist, divorced six months ago from her man. She took the custody of their daughter. “I’ve evolved since we got married, six years ago. And I had the feeling he was interfering with my personal goals” she said.

Interfering with our goals ? T., a 31 year-old analyst, explained that her man was kind of jealous of her career. “I was spending a lot of time at work because I have to. But he wouldn’t understand why I was working so late, and also that I’m passionate about what I’m doing. He said I would be a bad mother if I had kids, because they will never see their mommy. So he asked me to quit my job, but for me, it was no way.  I know it is sad to have to choose between your man and your job, but if he’s no comprehensive, you have no choice” she said.

How sad it is. Does it mean we don’t know the word compromise anymore ?


19 thoughts on “Are we becoming too selfish ?

  1. I have been wondering about this recently. Times have changed but certain things have not changed like the way men expect the wives to look after the kids. Some want the wives to work and still look after the house, these husbands don’t even lift a finger to help.

    Society has been changing to what we had hope, allowing women to work but forgetting that issues such as kids, household chores and family have not been included in the equation.

  2. kuwita says:

    It very sad to see these days this much amount of divorce because of women’s full time job. I feel that men should give women a chance to work as part-timers and look after the kids and the house as full time. While he becaomes full time bread earner and looks after the kids and the house as pert timer. Both should cooperate in running the family.

    It is not possible for the family to have both parents full time workers and no one takes care of the children. I think parents are becoming very selfish by not caring about their kinda and about the future of their relationship.

    The governement also should encourage women to work as part timers and offer them better compensation because they are taking care of future generation which the country needs.

    The bigger family like grand ma and pa should cooperate in this regard


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  4. juls says:

    if you can see it in another way…divorces are rasing
    a- because men expect women to take care of the house and the children more than they expect themselves to. this pisses women off (obviously). how would a man react if his wife asked him to quit his job to look after the kids? is that compromising for you?
    b- i dont think there are more failed marriages that before, just more of them that end up in divorce. back then, when divorce was still a social stigma, there just were more unhappy people stck in loveless marriage.

  5. Hi Juls,

    You raise an important point: we’re now more daring to divorce rather to stay in an unhappy marriage. Besides, nowadays, it’s not a taboo anymore to divorce. It’s publicly accepted, at least in the Western countries.

    Thanks for stopping by.

  6. Anonymous says:

    “You raise an important point: we’re now more daring to divorce rather to stay in an unhappy marriage.”

    Where is the whole word- uhm… compromise, marriage counseling, etc?

    I don’t get why so many people are ‘growing apart’. It seems to be more of a fad and trend- so I think. It has become ‘socially acceptable’. Which is why, these said types of people – should be joining in a ‘civil union’ as oppoed to getting ‘married’ as marriage is to be – for life.

    Women are becoming way too selfish today. I know several men who *DO* their part around the house, they fix the toilet, they mow the lawn, they do the ‘male’ aspect of chores.

    To me- feminism and singledom and ‘divorce’ was for the ones who were abused and other matters I would rather not speak up.

    I’ve heard the comments from one gal recently, it was ok for her to judge a guy, but when the guy stands up for what he believes in… its totally wrong and he is a jerk from her perspective. I don’t understand why women must insist… a man be ‘devoid of mind, though, spirit and feeling’ just because she wants to mouth off without reprimand. This goes to the fact that female independence- is a falsity.

    So you are unhappy? Half of us are struggling to pay our bills in this economy, times are tough. The women tell the men to ‘suck it up and be a man’. Right back at you ladies- put on your big girl panties… we’re all unhappy when we want to be, working together… is what the solution is.

    I think too many women have become posessed by ‘chick flicks’ and the media, and glitzy glamour. Thinking they are entitled to such notions, simply because- they are female. You can have your lipstick jungle so I figure…

    I’ve noted so many women I’ve talked with recently in the dating scene the last couple of years- are more into a ‘growing up gotti’ and/or an ‘independent’ lifestyle. I don’t really quite grasp this whole independence thing, and why women think they are. Keeping with the thought, everyone is as independent as the paycheck they rely on, therfore: NO ONE is independent… its an absurity and a paradox for women to think they are ‘independent’.

    I question where women get these ideals that men have to do ‘everything’ and other notions above. Some in the psych field atttribute it to the female’s father doing a lot for them as a kid, that simply… men won’t and cant live up to in this day and age as well.

    I do believe many (not all) women have become more uncaring, unkind, we’ve heard the comments about the soccer moms who fight their way through the lines at the stores, etc. And that feminism- is a ‘relationship killer’ today- definitely.

    I hope women figure out what is MORE important to them, a healthy relationship or a world of nothing but selfishness and lonlieness- over what, an extra buck?

    Fact- female workers make less than 20%.

    Feminism opened the door to bring more folks in on work visas, as both – minorities and women will always make less than an american male.

    Its not going to change ladies, sorry to say. 😦

    I sincerely hope some of you women become less selfish and return to the kind, caring, humble, compassionate creatures, you were intended to be by your creator.

  7. Eesha says:

    I truly agree with the author. I think now a days there is scarcity of housewives and mothers that would pay their maximum time to the family. Also as stated, after some time people dont find anything common between them and they fail to sustain the realtionship. Successful Love marriages when particularly seen, can be an example for us to know that when you love someone, its not only the person but two souls, two persons completely understanding each other, two persons knowing each other completely and somewhere two persons thinking on exactly same ground. As far as career is concerned, it depends from individual to individual. Still, the proportion of failed love marriages is much lesser than those which are successful. Its the thing to be seen, observed, and inculcated through earlier generations and all those successful ones!

  8. Hi Eesha,

    Thank you. You pointed that successful love marriages can be seen as an example. You’re absolutely right. The key is to find the one who will follow the same path than you.

  9. pacific says:

    I committed my vows to her for life.When she was sick I was there when we struggled I was there,did I make mistakes yes(communicating,and other small things),I learned many of my faults after she left on my own thru personal inventory,and a long letter she wrote on how I failed her in detail.When I was sick she was there when times got tough in business she decided to cast off,sad part is I was doing everything for my family,to provide better,sometimes maybe thats not whats important,to wife’s,but when you do it from your heart you do it with a unconditional love for your wife and family’s future.Tomorrows a new day,Do I still love her more than she will ever realize,there was a light house we visited,maybe one day the light will shine again for us.

  10. Joe says:

    Many men too scared to go near most Western women of today. They’re too pushy, too selfish, don’t want to give back. I’ve seen man of my friends humbled, stepped on, divorced, then thrown into the trash cans like garbage by their ex’s, and then they don’t even get custody of the kids and extremely limited visitation rights. What kind of deal is that? Most of these guys were decent, weren’t abusive, they just didn’t get along with their wives. The smart guy’s better off with rent-a-mistress than a wife these days.

  11. Dan says:

    It is great to see modern women are more independent and hard working than the women of the past, who once lived in a traditional lifestyle as a housewife and mother who cared for her working husband. But, I must say, through experience, that most (not all, of course) modern women I have met are completely selfish and show characteristics of Narcissism and / or Ego Mania.

    Most modern men are hell of a lot more caring and understanding of women than men of the barbaric past, and it seems that this evolved characteristic of males in society today is being ‘rewarded’ with emotional abuse and mental torture by their partners, simply for not matching the fantasy or ideals of what a woman expects her lover or partner to be.

    And now it seems that more men are becoming fearful of proposing to their partners, out of the fear of becoming that common statistic, of the man who loses the love of his life, his house and the relationship with his children, because of the selfish females who believe it is their right to have control of what was once being shared between them in the marriage.

    There is an epidemic, worldwide, of Narcissistic females in society today, be careful of who you trust, they will set you up for failure because they cannot control themselves or correct their personal problems, so they push it all onto you.

  12. Ann Regina says:

    I believe past generations were more committed to making a marriage work. They were more self sacrificing especially the women and were so busy struggling to provide for their children that they didn’t think about their own needs. They also didn’t have resources available now for single parents and abused women. Very few men helped care for the children as this was womens work. I do find that men are more hands on with their children now. This is the “me” generation where both people have to work if they want to own their own home, have children and buy them the things society dictates are necessary for happiness plus the yearly vacations, two cars, personal luxuries. I am glad I raised my children in a simpler time when you didn’t have to “keep up with the Joneses” and other kids at school weren’t checking out your labels to see is you were cool enough to talk to. I grew up with the basics as did my children who turned out just fine. I feel sorry for the pressure that this generation has to bear. Simpler is better and hard times bring people together as strength and commitment bonds.

  13. to think that men and women will make the same choices and behave the same after so many years of evolution is a fallacy!! Why are we willing to accept that boys are different from girls and not accept that husbands are different from wives? Why do we think men will behave like women when all records are to the contrary. Modern marriage has been romanticized too much. Marriage takes hard work and these issues should not be a surprise. Throwing away thousands of years of human experience for the expedience of recent “modernization” to me sounds silly. its like throwing away farming for alien rocks. Parents need to tell their kids that marriages are hard and for the patient and dedicated, else they should just steer clear.

  14. McCluskey says says:

    Nice article. Not sure what’s worse – the person who felt “he was interfering in my goals” or the one who quit her marriage for her job (it will be sad, yet funny WHEN, not if), she is let go of her job.

    Those with a modicum of wisdom know that people are expendable to organisations – they need us until they need us no more. And that can change overnight, no matter how good she thinks she may be. Will her boss visit her in hospital everyday when she’s diagnosed with breast cancer?
    Didn’t think so. He’ll be focusing on getting a replacement in for her

    So the hype that told us that women are more into building relationships, just isn’t true?

    Women can be as fickle and as stupid as men when given the opportunity.
    Feminists must be shocked at that.

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