life, love, reflexion, relationships, women

A factor of split

In some couples, the desire of having children isn’t shared by both partners.  Remember the episode of Desperate Housewives where Carlos Solis tampered his wife’s contraceptive pills without her knowledge because he wants her to get pregnant while she refuses. That is the only recourse for the man to get his wife pregnant.

On the other side, for women, it is extremely easy to get pregnant from their men without their knowledge. You simply forget to take your pill or refuse any contraceptive like condoms and suddenly, (if you’re lucky) you’re sperminated.

But what happens when one of the partners doesn’t want children and the woman gets pregnant ? When it’s the woman who doesn’t want the child, there’s the solution of abortion. When it’s the case for the man, either he pushes to abortion, either he makes a deal with her wife,  explicit or not.

L, 33, got accidentally pregnant with her partner. For her, her pregnancy was a moment she waited all her life, so she was so happy with this news. But for her partner, this news wasn’t particularly a good one.  He finally accepted to be a father but he asked for one condition: she has to take care of the child. Since the baby is born, she told me that he didn’t lift his finger to help her with the kid. During  the week, her man is working from dusk till dawn, so he doesn’t see his son. During the week-end, he’s hanging out with his mates and is barely there at home.

L ‘s man has been honest with her. Sometimes, men aren’t so honest.  We all know some responsible fathers who start extending their hours at the office when they become father. Just to avoid their sour wife, their noisy kids and the daily routine at home.

But in L. ‘s case, and for all the other women involved in this kind of relationship, this could be a factor of split. R. , 34, realized she was doing all by herself raising her little daughter, because her husband didn’t try to give her a hand.  So, after many reflections, she decided to ask for a divorce. “I was fighting all the time with him about our daughter because he didn’t want to take care of her. I also realized that I would be better off without him” she explained.

Of course, such decision has a terrible effect on the child, more than on the parents themselves. But having parents who fight all the time isn’t good either for the child’s development.


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