life, love, relationships, women

The sweet taste of revenge

 

When women get betrayed by a man who pretends to be someone else, or get dumped like a piece of trash,  some of them take their revenge on the guy. I’m no exception to that.  When I was 18, I got dumped for another girl by an arrogant guy who thought he was better than anyone .  I spotted my ex’s  new object of affection and told her what a jerk he was. She dumped him right away, and he got a little depressed after that . This episode still puts a smile upon my face when I think of it. Ah, sweet revenge…

One of my friend broke up with her lover because she was tired of his double life ( he was seeing two women at the same time)  and his numerous promises of dumping the other woman for her. Of course, he never did.  The problem was that my friend knew about the other woman, but the other didn’t have a clue about her. So, my friend just told her everything, and got lucky her rival was furious about it and didn’t forgive the guy. Because sometimes, things don’t turn that way.   Some people would do anything for love, including forgiving a cheating partner.

Why do we act like that? I remember when I was 18 all my difficulties to forget what my ex did to me. So, my revenge help me to turn the page.  My friend points out that her act  of vengeance towards her ex was a payback. “He turned me down , so I didn’t see why I couldn’t do the same to him”  she said.

Of course, there’ s no reason to deploy efforts like that for a guy who treated you right. But if the man is a real bastard, it’s such a pleasure to have a revenge on him.

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life, love, reflexion, relationships, women

When love holds promises

The best moment of love, it’s when you climb the stairs” said Georges Clémenceau .  Do you agree with that?

What really makes a  love relationship? Hopes and fears, happiness and pain, expectations and disappointments.  In the beginning of a relationship, we all spend time discovering each other. What we discover about the other determine the sequel of the relationship. Sometimes, we’re disappointed about what we found.  But there’s something exciting about this moment,  when we decide to yield to the other.

Some people only live for this moment. We call them ” in love with love”.  Generally, it’s more a male phenomenon. I’ve heard a lot of bad experiences from my female entourage regarding this kind of toxic men.

J., 34, met a man in a professional meeting and they instantly clicked.  But curiously, she found out that, unlike most of the men she met before, he was constantly delaying the moment when he would kiss her.  Eventually, after they slept together,  he just told her it was over.  She discovered he was doing the same approach with many other women.

Fortunately, this kind of guys are more of an exception than the norm.

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life, love, relationships, women

Why men don’t understand when they have to let it slide ?

Because I’m not married ( yet) , I realize that men think I’m still available. I get approach in meetings, bars, … all the time. But I’ve always turn them down by mentioning right away that I have a man  or telling them to get lost (if they really don’t understand they have zero chance with me) .

Sometimes, it’s more delicate. When I was  in college, I turned down a guy who wasfollowing the same courses than I. He was really nice with me, until I told him I was already dating someone else.  He became then very mean with me, constantly making fun of me in front of everyone, and wanted to make  my student life a living nightmare.  People I didn’t know in my college thought I was just crazy, because he told everyone so.  He also bet I would never be a journalist.  Too bad I’m a journalist for the most intellectual and specialized newspaper in my country right now ( and he’s struggling as an independen journalist relating problems like neighbour conflicts ,…) . Who ‘s laughing now ?

One of my friend didn’t resist the pressure  when she was in the same situation than me. At her office, one of her colleague kept on harassing her, and, instead of taking the case into court ( it’s a case of moral  and sexual harassment), she just resigned and quit her job.

It’s always difficult when you have to deal with this kind of situation. I know that in big enterprises, they have strict rules on these matters. Unfortunately, when you work in a smaller company, trade unions and employees rights are less present, so , for the woman who endures the harassment, it can turn into an endless  nightmare.  

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life, love, relationships, women

The difficulties of doing a man’s job

More and more women have now access to strategic posts in their enterprise, or are doing a job that was reserved to the men until now. This change hasn’t happened without any consequences. My profession, journalism, isn’t particularly friendly for women. Before, female journalists were an exception. For instance, my newspaper only counted three of them back in the 1980’s, while now, we’re much more. We’re still a minority compared to our male colleagues, but we feel as equal as them.

Journalism is quite a demanding job. We have the chance to work only during the week,  not in the week-end. But most of the other newspapers and medias work 7 days a week. And for the hours, generally, we don’t count them, but they approach 50, even 60 hours per week while for most of the other professions, 35 hours a week is the norm.  Difficult, in these conditions, to have a normal family life, if you add to them the fact that we travel a lot.

Some of my female colleagues find it hard to have a stable relationship too. With our job, we play the ” far from the heart, far from the eye” game with our partner. As a result, divorces are multiplying in our profession.

This isn’t typical of journalism. M., a 39 year-old PR, works also 60 hours a week, at least. She’s also responsible for multiple charity associations, and have as a result a very busy schedule.  She’s still single, because she doesn’t have much time for a man. She did have some serious relationships, though. But they always ended in the same way: her men got fed up with her multiple engagements elsewhere.  She’s seriously thinking of a baby right now, But she knows she has to slow down her activities for that.

Dealing with a family when you’re an active mom working late often turns into  a problem. Some women choose to stop working to take care of their children, while other choose to hire a nanny. Children can also slow your career when you’re a woman. That’s why some of them start to push their career when their kids are older (take for example the female candidate for the French presidential bid, Segolène Royal) . Some other prefer not to have children (that’s the case of Michèle Alliot-Marie, another French politician,  but also many women members of the Spanish government).

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celibacy, life, love, relationships, women

Bad habits


When you are single , you take some habits that are hard to break if you stay single for long. Who never enjoy the privilege of living alone for a short period of time, maybe even more?  You can do whatever you want without having someone to care about.  For example, women can shave or wax themselves in every piece of their home while if they were in a couple, they would lock themselves in the bathroom to avoid their husband’s look (it ‘s the kind of things that can kill love) . Some would wash their bras and let them hang in the bathroom or everywhere in the house, while if they were living with a man, they wouldn’t dare to try.

For men, celibacy is quite a golden period.  They’re still dependent to their mommy: a friend of mine, who’s single at 32, still let her mom wash his clothes, …. Usually, when you go into their apartment, it’s messy. There are piles of dirty clothes and garbage everywhere. They ‘re too busy going out or watching football with their mates  or playing with their playstation.

So, when single persons decide to break their celibacy to live with someone,  it doesn’t go smooth on the first weeks/ months/ years of cohabitation. It depends on how long you stayed single and living alone. If you stayed single quite a while, chances are the cohabitation with the object of your affection will be a bumpy road.  T. finally found love at the age of 37, but she stayed single for a long period. She got fond of her own company and of her cat’s company.  She has established a certain organization in her house, so everything has to be in its place otherwise she’s angry. So, when she moved in with her partner, she fought a lot with him in the beginning because he hasn’t put for example the box of cookies in the right place. It took times for her to put water in her wine. But luckily, her man has been a model of patience with her, and now, they  fight less and enjoy their life together.

Sometimes, it doesn’t work that well. If you won’t renounce to your bad habits and your partner isn’t patient, you can become single again.

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life, love, reflexion, relationships, women

What irritates you the most in your partner ?

There’s always something wrong with your partner, let’s face it. But if he/she was perfect, life would be boring  with him/her.  Besides, everyone has defects. The one who pretends to be perfect is a liar. But when it comes to men and women’s defects, you always hear the same complains.

For the men, their lady usually complain about these things:

  • untidy: they  like to leave their  socks everywhere in the bedroom, and don’t know the meaning of the word cleaning.
  • selfish: when it comes to give a hand to their lady, they’re too preoccupied with their computer or their playstation, or everything else. Some forget everything when there’s a football match on the TV.
  • Queen of the drama: when they’re sick, they’re acting like if they were going to die, even if they just catch a cold. When they cut themselves, for example with a sheet of paper or a little knife, they act like if they have an hemorragia.
  • immature: Even if they ‘re 40, they act as a 4 year old. They still behave to their mommy, and let their wife make all the important decisions. They replaced their old toys by cars and all sort of gadgets like cameras, mobile phones, …

And for the women, their partners always complain about these things.

  • undecisive: if they have to make a choice, usually, it takes years for them to settle for one choice.
  • Too picky: no comments
  • obsessed with their appearance:  They always complain about being too fat or having nothing to wear.
  • Too demanding: They always ask their men how they feel about them. If they forget their birthday, it’s a drama.

Too spendthrift or too skinfling, too shy or too exhuberant,… are also defects that irritate some people.

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women

It’s a man’s world

Today is International Women’s Day, don’t forget.

As a financial journalist, I work in a men’s environment. And it’s not always pleasant, but I don’t have to complain much.

Since I’m still young, people give me a hard time because they don’t necessarily take me seriously when they don’t know me. But, with time, I received a sort of respect in my profession because I proved them wrong. That’s my little pride.

But I recognize being a woman in such a man’s world is causing me some problems. A journalist from a rival newspaper once asked me how it feels to be a woman in the world of finance. In fact, I don’t bond easily , unlike my male colleague, with all the analyst/ fund managers/ investment bankers… I interview because let’s say it, I don’t like football and sports in general (except tennis) , I couldn’t care less about cars and about other male stuffs.  It’s quite helpful to know these subjects of conversation when you’re invited for a professional lunch or dinner. But so far, this hasn’t blocked me in any way.

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