life, love, men, reflexion, relationships, women

A strange attraction

I bumped very recently into an old friend of mine. When we were younger, we used to hang out a lot, going to bars and many of the local rock festival in my country. When I say local, I mean very very local. Not the type of festival where you could find famous rocks bands like Green Day, The smashing pumpkins, Nine Inch Nails, Queens of the Stone Age,…  My friend used to be such a groupie for those local bands, though. She has dated all the lead singers of each of those bands.

Those guys weren’t superstars, but they acted a bit like if they were one. One of them used to collect girls and gave each of them a note in his agenda depending on her skills (not the musical one, BTW). One other wore more make-up than me on stage and in his everyday life ( but didn’t know the word make-up remover). Another wore weird stuffs he considered like his amulets. (I later learned that the teddybear head he was carrying around his neck all the time hid his secret weed stock) . In other words,  they were the exact opposite of the guy you would present to your parents, except if yours are a bit like the Osbourne family.  

But these guys attracted girls like sugar would attract ants. A friend of mine told me  that she cannot understand those women who fall for the ultimate bad guy, like Kate Moss fell for Pete Doherty.

“They ‘re the weirdest persons you can find on this planet”  she said.

They have a weird fashion sense “  she told me.

They’re surrounded by women all the time. I would die of jealousy if I dated one of these guys. Plus, they have a love story with drugs and alcohol”she said.

But my old friend who used to date rock dudes told me she fell for them because they carry a certain ideology. And besides, I don’t know why, but women seem to prefer bad guys over the good ones.  So, isn’t the rocker considered as the ultimate bad guy?

Personally, I can understand Kate Moss and my friend. I’d been for a long time fascinated by the lead singer of Tool.  

celibacy, life, love, reflexion, relationships, sex, women

A good lover

Recently, I was discussing with a group of women about the importance of having a man who’s not a complete zero in bed.  In other words, a good lover.

We had a different opinion on what makes a man a good lover. One of my friend thinks it’s a question of experience. “There’s less chances you find a good lover among the teenagers and college students because they only start to discover the female body”  she said.  “Do you remember you first sexual experiences ? Technically, it’s never that great , so it’s the same for the boys at that age” she added.

Another woman I know has a different argument. “ It’s just based on how sensual the guy is, no matter his age”  she said. “Of course, this improves with experience, but not only”  she added.

But when it comes to experience, the women I know all agree on one thing. “ If the guy slept with half of the town, I’m not sure I would like to sleep with him. I would feel judged by him, like one of his many conquests”  a friend of mine said. 

And besides, it’s not much a question of quantity, but more a question of quality.  Ladykillers may collection women, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you would get a champion of the bedroom.  That’s what happened to T., 34. She accepted to spend the night with a man with the reputation of a casanova.  She told me she was expecting to spend an incredible night with him (sexually speaking), but she got disappointed. He was all talk, but when we switched to the bedroom, that was another story. He just let me do everything he wanted me to do, but gave me nothing in return” she explained.

So what then makes a good lover?  According to a friend of mine, he’s the guy who knows how to really satisfy you. I share her view.

life, reflexion, relationships, women

Just u + ur hands tonight

Vanessa wrote a post a few days ago about the equality between the sexes and how we’re not quite there yet.  I invite you to read it. It has inspired me this post.

As I work in the financial world, where there’s still many more men than women, I’ve encountered some disastrous situations because I’m a woman.  I have the “misfortune” to be young and not too repelling, so each time I go to a conference/ interview/ meeting, you can be sure I won’t pass unperceived because I’m the only one of my kind in the assistance. Example in  a meeting with institutional investors in Brussels: only three women, including me. The two others were much older than me, in their fifty years old. As a result, I was offered drinks all the time. 

I was flabbergasted the first time I started this job about how immature men can be, even in the financial world. In a other meeting, I was – again- the only lady in the room, and I saw men litteraly fighting just to sit next to me. And the lucky winner had those little words towards me” I’m lucky today, I should play the lottery“. Nice.

When I first started, I didn’t know anyone in the little financial world of my country, not even my rival journalists.  I have been  in my company for only three weeks when they sent me to a conference with fund managers and pension fund managers. As I was heading to the dresser for a tea before the beginning of the conference, I felt a hand grabbing my arm. As I turned back and faced the person who did that, I heard this little sentence: “What’s a pretty girl like you doing in that boring conference? Are you lost?” . The guy, a pension fund manager, was standing at just a few inches from my face. And he kept on talking.  It was a very uncomfortable  situation.  I was searching a way to get myself out of it, when another guy came to my rescue. ” You must be the new journalist from our rival newspaper” he said. And he just invited me to sit next to him, while taking me away from the other guy. That day, I met one of the nicest journalists in my profession, and also a pathetic man I didn’t see again afterwards.

Another funny episode in my career: Barcelona. I was invited by a famous investment bank to a seminar in that beautiful city. There was a gala dinner organized for the occasion, and as I was preparing to sit at my place , a man came behind me and started to tell me how he liked my articles and that he only read my newspaper just for them.  He was quite handsome, though, but I replied to him very coldly. He didn’t insisted. Later in the evening, one of the PR of the company told me that the guy thought I was a tall blonde (which I’m not) . Visibly, he was fantasizing about me, but was disappointed when he saw me in real life. 

I’m pretty sure that if I was a guy, these situations would have never happened. I wouldn’t get winks all the time when I enter a room full of men.

life, love, relationships, women

Trophy men

I often hear about trophy wife or trophy girlfriend, you know, the kind of women who are physically perfect and that male like to show around like a trophy. But I start to hear about trophy men too. Isn’t it a good sign that we’ve arrived to equality between sexes ?

Lately, I went to a meeting with several of my female colleagues but also various women evolving in the financial world. One of them, who was sitting at my table, showed us her latest conquest. She’s 42, very successful in her career as a publicist, and she has landed a 25 year-old boyfriend. A model, BTW. She’s reknown to be a slut, so there’s little doubt she has chosen her boyfriend for anything else than sex and the thrill of dating a younger male.

Younger male for a mature lady can be qualified as a trophy men. But it can appear in other forms too. N. , 43, has always looked for powerful men. She was  previously married to the CEO for the Benelux of a famous  international company. She was the mistress of a famous banker in Europe. She dated recently a CEO from a industrial company. N. told me that she likes showing around her man. That’s why she chooses only the “top of the top”.

It’s not  only the mature women ( 42 year-old isn’t mature for me, though) who look for that kind of men.  I remember when I was in high school those girls who wanted to date a specific guy because he was THE guy you have to date to increase your popularity.  He wasn’t the most handsome boy in high school, but he has the car, the money, the popularity,… that made him a priced trophy. When I was in College, one of the other students only dated extremely good-looking guy.  She told me it was her only criteria to date a guy. Of course, she was disappointed with each guy she dated because she found out she had  nothing in common with them. But she also told me she liked showing around with that kind of guys because it made her look desirable.

But is this kind of relationship, purely based on physical criterias,  sustainable? I have big doubts about it.  When I think about the “it-boy” in high school, I think also about his many, many feminine conquests. The guy in question used to have a heavy turnover of girlfriends, and for what I heard about him recently, this hasn’t changed a lot.

reflexion, sex, women

Not tonight, I’ve got a headache

We’re quite different from the men. They think about sex all the time, while women aren’t that interested in it. Between gays, it must be pretty hot for that reason” a friend of mine told me.

Personally, I just think that we consider sex differently . Men generally (I say GENERALLY) see sex as a need, while women ( at least some of them) regard it as act of intimacy, tenderness, pleasure,… but not necessarily as a need. OK, I admit I don’t know what it’s like to spend a bunch of months without sex, but I can understand some of my single girlfriends who told me they want to have sex because they haven’t done it for a while.

So, why then women refuse to have sex with their man ? It could be because they’re tired, they don’t feel in the mood for it, they’re sick,… If it happens only from time to time, I think it’s normal. But if it becomes general, then there’s a problem.

There’s a study pointing out that more or less 30% of women prefer shoe shopping than sex. This statistic always leaves me speechless, because I’m not a big shoe addict.  

Besides, I consider sex as a cement for the couple. Of course, sex isn’t the only thing that can hold a couple together. If it’s the case, that’s not a relationship that can go far.  From a female point of view, it’s hard for a woman to get involved in that kind of relationship without any feelings for the guy. Whether you admit it or not, you always attach to the guy you’re sleeping with.

life, love, reflexion, relationships, women

Keeping the mystery

Do you remember that episode in Sex and The City when Carrie Bradshaw is embarrassed after farting in bed next to Mr. Big ?  Personally,  I understand completely this situation, because I would be embarrassed too if I had to find myself in an  “uncomfortable situation” in front of my man.  This really goes far: If I have to shave, make a beauty mask with yogurt, cucumber and all other ingredients not really appealing, and all the little things we do when we’re a woman, I would lock myself in the bathroom.

My female friends generally agree with me on that. My best friend even says that’ s a part of a woman’s mystery.  Another friend of mine says she  could let her man buy her tampons, wax, etc… in the supermarket, but never let him watch while she’s using those. “Even worse, I wouldn’t want him to fell accidentally on my used tampons or pads, and a towel covered with my blood . That’s just disgusting”  she told me.

That would mean she has to clean the garbage and often change her towels when her periods come (in French, we have a special expression for that, which translates into “the English are disembarking”) . 

The same thing applies for underwears.  But this applies too for the men. How sexy is a man with a totally worn out boxer ? How sexy is a woman with a tired pants ?

The truth is, for some people, that we do all these silly stuffs because we fear our partner would love us less if we let ourselves go too much.  But  he doesn’t have to know how we get to that perfect “natural” look.

The question is now what’s really ridiculous and what’s “normal” about those girl stuffs  a woman could hide from her man.

life, love, reflexion, relationships, women

On beauty

Beauty is so subjective. You can’t be beautiful to everyone. It’s a question of personal taste”  my mother said to me when I was a kid and crying because all the other children in the school told me I was ugly.

I was recently confronted with this subject again after a long discussion with one of my best friends. I’m a size 6 (or 8 in the UK) , but yet I’m not satisfied with my weight and body. Typical of a woman… By respect for my friend, I would not mention her size. She’s just a little bit over mine, that’s it.  But she’s tall, so her so-called excess weight isn’t obvious.

I really find her beautiful, but she’s obsessed by her weight. She says that she’s not attractive in a man ‘s eyes. That’s why she’s always single. Maybe it’s because she has too many negative thoughts about herself. But it’s certainly not because she’s “fat” (like she says) .

Many men I know prefer voluptuous women instead of a breadstick.  Recently, with a group of friends, we were watching a TV show about Hollywood and their stars. My male friends were appalled when they saw how thin the  majority of the female stars were. “They all look like skeletons” one of my friend said.  But they were all speechless when Scarlett Johansson appeared on TV.

Of course, there will always be idiots to treat you like a fat lady and to tell you you look disgusting. But usually, these guys aren’t exactly what we call an adonis.