life, love, men, reflexion, relationships, women

A strange attraction

I bumped very recently into an old friend of mine. When we were younger, we used to hang out a lot, going to bars and many of the local rock festival in my country. When I say local, I mean very very local. Not the type of festival where you could find famous rocks bands like Green Day, The smashing pumpkins, Nine Inch Nails, Queens of the Stone Age,…  My friend used to be such a groupie for those local bands, though. She has dated all the lead singers of each of those bands.

Those guys weren’t superstars, but they acted a bit like if they were one. One of them used to collect girls and gave each of them a note in his agenda depending on her skills (not the musical one, BTW). One other wore more make-up than me on stage and in his everyday life ( but didn’t know the word make-up remover). Another wore weird stuffs he considered like his amulets. (I later learned that the teddybear head he was carrying around his neck all the time hid his secret weed stock) . In other words,  they were the exact opposite of the guy you would present to your parents, except if yours are a bit like the Osbourne family.  

But these guys attracted girls like sugar would attract ants. A friend of mine told me  that she cannot understand those women who fall for the ultimate bad guy, like Kate Moss fell for Pete Doherty.

“They ‘re the weirdest persons you can find on this planet”  she said.

They have a weird fashion sense “  she told me.

They’re surrounded by women all the time. I would die of jealousy if I dated one of these guys. Plus, they have a love story with drugs and alcohol”she said.

But my old friend who used to date rock dudes told me she fell for them because they carry a certain ideology. And besides, I don’t know why, but women seem to prefer bad guys over the good ones.  So, isn’t the rocker considered as the ultimate bad guy?

Personally, I can understand Kate Moss and my friend. I’d been for a long time fascinated by the lead singer of Tool.  

celibacy, life, love, reflexion, relationships, sex, women

A good lover

Recently, I was discussing with a group of women about the importance of having a man who’s not a complete zero in bed.  In other words, a good lover.

We had a different opinion on what makes a man a good lover. One of my friend thinks it’s a question of experience. “There’s less chances you find a good lover among the teenagers and college students because they only start to discover the female body”  she said.  “Do you remember you first sexual experiences ? Technically, it’s never that great , so it’s the same for the boys at that age” she added.

Another woman I know has a different argument. “ It’s just based on how sensual the guy is, no matter his age”  she said. “Of course, this improves with experience, but not only”  she added.

But when it comes to experience, the women I know all agree on one thing. “ If the guy slept with half of the town, I’m not sure I would like to sleep with him. I would feel judged by him, like one of his many conquests”  a friend of mine said. 

And besides, it’s not much a question of quantity, but more a question of quality.  Ladykillers may collection women, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you would get a champion of the bedroom.  That’s what happened to T., 34. She accepted to spend the night with a man with the reputation of a casanova.  She told me she was expecting to spend an incredible night with him (sexually speaking), but she got disappointed. He was all talk, but when we switched to the bedroom, that was another story. He just let me do everything he wanted me to do, but gave me nothing in return” she explained.

So what then makes a good lover?  According to a friend of mine, he’s the guy who knows how to really satisfy you. I share her view.

life, reflexion, relationships, women

Just u + ur hands tonight

Vanessa wrote a post a few days ago about the equality between the sexes and how we’re not quite there yet.  I invite you to read it. It has inspired me this post.

As I work in the financial world, where there’s still many more men than women, I’ve encountered some disastrous situations because I’m a woman.  I have the “misfortune” to be young and not too repelling, so each time I go to a conference/ interview/ meeting, you can be sure I won’t pass unperceived because I’m the only one of my kind in the assistance. Example in  a meeting with institutional investors in Brussels: only three women, including me. The two others were much older than me, in their fifty years old. As a result, I was offered drinks all the time. 

I was flabbergasted the first time I started this job about how immature men can be, even in the financial world. In a other meeting, I was – again- the only lady in the room, and I saw men litteraly fighting just to sit next to me. And the lucky winner had those little words towards me” I’m lucky today, I should play the lottery“. Nice.

When I first started, I didn’t know anyone in the little financial world of my country, not even my rival journalists.  I have been  in my company for only three weeks when they sent me to a conference with fund managers and pension fund managers. As I was heading to the dresser for a tea before the beginning of the conference, I felt a hand grabbing my arm. As I turned back and faced the person who did that, I heard this little sentence: “What’s a pretty girl like you doing in that boring conference? Are you lost?” . The guy, a pension fund manager, was standing at just a few inches from my face. And he kept on talking.  It was a very uncomfortable  situation.  I was searching a way to get myself out of it, when another guy came to my rescue. ” You must be the new journalist from our rival newspaper” he said. And he just invited me to sit next to him, while taking me away from the other guy. That day, I met one of the nicest journalists in my profession, and also a pathetic man I didn’t see again afterwards.

Another funny episode in my career: Barcelona. I was invited by a famous investment bank to a seminar in that beautiful city. There was a gala dinner organized for the occasion, and as I was preparing to sit at my place , a man came behind me and started to tell me how he liked my articles and that he only read my newspaper just for them.  He was quite handsome, though, but I replied to him very coldly. He didn’t insisted. Later in the evening, one of the PR of the company told me that the guy thought I was a tall blonde (which I’m not) . Visibly, he was fantasizing about me, but was disappointed when he saw me in real life. 

I’m pretty sure that if I was a guy, these situations would have never happened. I wouldn’t get winks all the time when I enter a room full of men.

life, love, relationships, women

Trophy men

I often hear about trophy wife or trophy girlfriend, you know, the kind of women who are physically perfect and that male like to show around like a trophy. But I start to hear about trophy men too. Isn’t it a good sign that we’ve arrived to equality between sexes ?

Lately, I went to a meeting with several of my female colleagues but also various women evolving in the financial world. One of them, who was sitting at my table, showed us her latest conquest. She’s 42, very successful in her career as a publicist, and she has landed a 25 year-old boyfriend. A model, BTW. She’s reknown to be a slut, so there’s little doubt she has chosen her boyfriend for anything else than sex and the thrill of dating a younger male.

Younger male for a mature lady can be qualified as a trophy men. But it can appear in other forms too. N. , 43, has always looked for powerful men. She was  previously married to the CEO for the Benelux of a famous  international company. She was the mistress of a famous banker in Europe. She dated recently a CEO from a industrial company. N. told me that she likes showing around her man. That’s why she chooses only the “top of the top”.

It’s not  only the mature women ( 42 year-old isn’t mature for me, though) who look for that kind of men.  I remember when I was in high school those girls who wanted to date a specific guy because he was THE guy you have to date to increase your popularity.  He wasn’t the most handsome boy in high school, but he has the car, the money, the popularity,… that made him a priced trophy. When I was in College, one of the other students only dated extremely good-looking guy.  She told me it was her only criteria to date a guy. Of course, she was disappointed with each guy she dated because she found out she had  nothing in common with them. But she also told me she liked showing around with that kind of guys because it made her look desirable.

But is this kind of relationship, purely based on physical criterias,  sustainable? I have big doubts about it.  When I think about the “it-boy” in high school, I think also about his many, many feminine conquests. The guy in question used to have a heavy turnover of girlfriends, and for what I heard about him recently, this hasn’t changed a lot.

reflexion, sex, women

Not tonight, I’ve got a headache

We’re quite different from the men. They think about sex all the time, while women aren’t that interested in it. Between gays, it must be pretty hot for that reason” a friend of mine told me.

Personally, I just think that we consider sex differently . Men generally (I say GENERALLY) see sex as a need, while women ( at least some of them) regard it as act of intimacy, tenderness, pleasure,… but not necessarily as a need. OK, I admit I don’t know what it’s like to spend a bunch of months without sex, but I can understand some of my single girlfriends who told me they want to have sex because they haven’t done it for a while.

So, why then women refuse to have sex with their man ? It could be because they’re tired, they don’t feel in the mood for it, they’re sick,… If it happens only from time to time, I think it’s normal. But if it becomes general, then there’s a problem.

There’s a study pointing out that more or less 30% of women prefer shoe shopping than sex. This statistic always leaves me speechless, because I’m not a big shoe addict.  

Besides, I consider sex as a cement for the couple. Of course, sex isn’t the only thing that can hold a couple together. If it’s the case, that’s not a relationship that can go far.  From a female point of view, it’s hard for a woman to get involved in that kind of relationship without any feelings for the guy. Whether you admit it or not, you always attach to the guy you’re sleeping with.

life, love, reflexion, relationships, women

Keeping the mystery

Do you remember that episode in Sex and The City when Carrie Bradshaw is embarrassed after farting in bed next to Mr. Big ?  Personally,  I understand completely this situation, because I would be embarrassed too if I had to find myself in an  “uncomfortable situation” in front of my man.  This really goes far: If I have to shave, make a beauty mask with yogurt, cucumber and all other ingredients not really appealing, and all the little things we do when we’re a woman, I would lock myself in the bathroom.

My female friends generally agree with me on that. My best friend even says that’ s a part of a woman’s mystery.  Another friend of mine says she  could let her man buy her tampons, wax, etc… in the supermarket, but never let him watch while she’s using those. “Even worse, I wouldn’t want him to fell accidentally on my used tampons or pads, and a towel covered with my blood . That’s just disgusting”  she told me.

That would mean she has to clean the garbage and often change her towels when her periods come (in French, we have a special expression for that, which translates into “the English are disembarking”) . 

The same thing applies for underwears.  But this applies too for the men. How sexy is a man with a totally worn out boxer ? How sexy is a woman with a tired pants ?

The truth is, for some people, that we do all these silly stuffs because we fear our partner would love us less if we let ourselves go too much.  But  he doesn’t have to know how we get to that perfect “natural” look.

The question is now what’s really ridiculous and what’s “normal” about those girl stuffs  a woman could hide from her man.

life, love, reflexion, relationships, women

On beauty

Beauty is so subjective. You can’t be beautiful to everyone. It’s a question of personal taste”  my mother said to me when I was a kid and crying because all the other children in the school told me I was ugly.

I was recently confronted with this subject again after a long discussion with one of my best friends. I’m a size 6 (or 8 in the UK) , but yet I’m not satisfied with my weight and body. Typical of a woman… By respect for my friend, I would not mention her size. She’s just a little bit over mine, that’s it.  But she’s tall, so her so-called excess weight isn’t obvious.

I really find her beautiful, but she’s obsessed by her weight. She says that she’s not attractive in a man ‘s eyes. That’s why she’s always single. Maybe it’s because she has too many negative thoughts about herself. But it’s certainly not because she’s “fat” (like she says) .

Many men I know prefer voluptuous women instead of a breadstick.  Recently, with a group of friends, we were watching a TV show about Hollywood and their stars. My male friends were appalled when they saw how thin the  majority of the female stars were. “They all look like skeletons” one of my friend said.  But they were all speechless when Scarlett Johansson appeared on TV.

Of course, there will always be idiots to treat you like a fat lady and to tell you you look disgusting. But usually, these guys aren’t exactly what we call an adonis.

blogging, wacky

Damned, I’ve been tagged!

Aprilfool challenged me to post “five freaky things you never really want to know about me”. So, here it goes:

  1. I was a heavy smoker  and drinker until the tender age of 20. I gave everything up because I met the man of my life (who ironically is a heavy smoker) and I was sick all the time. Curiously, I don’t miss that much cigarettes and alcohol.
  2. I’m a brainiac who try desperately to hide her real personality by acting silly all the time.
  3. I mentally  harassed my ex-boss who’s the biggest asshole I’ve ever met.  He had a thrombosis because of me.  If my chief editor didn’t transfer him in another unit, I seriously think  I would have murdered him. In fact, I have a big problem with authority.
  4. I’m a terrible driver. I cannot park my car properly. If it’s possible to take public transportation instead, I will choose this option.  I’ve never admitted it in front of my friends or my man.
  5. I realize I know a lot on my friends and family, but they don’t have a clue about me.  My best friend always tells me I’m her biggest mystery.  In fact, I don’t like to talk that much about me.

Who should I tag then ? My little Frauke, 100 words, Shae, Liguified, WishBoNe,  it’s your turn.

celibacy, life, love, reflexion, relationships, women

The turtle and the rabbit

I wasn’t expected to write about this topic at first, but  after reading my comments about the previous post I wrote, I thought it would be a good idea to say a few words about our ability to rush or on the contrary to slow things down in a relationship.

Recently, a friend of mine announced she was getting married and would welcome in six months a child with her future husband. I was quite astonished by the news, since she started a relationship with her man only three months ago. Before that, she stayed in a ten years relationship with another man, but didn’t marry him nor got pregnant with him.  She told me she had the impression she has met “the one” this time.

My friend met her future husband through a birthday party organized in one of her colleagues ‘ house, three months ago. Shortly after, they began dating and she got immediately pregnant. They decided to keep the child and to give their relationship a chance.

My friend is quite impulsive, but this news still surprises me. She’s not the only one who rush her relationship, though. C., 32, moved in her man’s apartment only one month after they started dating. T. , 34, accepted to marry her man only two months after meeting him for the first time. B. ,29, chose to expatriate herself to live with a man she met in a meeting  only one month ago.

In fact, these women are risk taker. But some, on the other hand, prefer to slow things down.  Another friend of mine waited for four years before starting a relationship with her man. They waited another nine years to get engaged. She met her future husband while they were at school. They were friends before they started dating. G.,  34, told me she need to know the guy before they start a relationship. “I could never get involved in a relationship with a total stranger . It kind of freaking me out” she admitted. ” So, I usually get friend with a guy before things get more serious between us” she added.” And, besides, the guy who accepts to wait   for me proves me he doesn’t want just to have sex with me” she said.

The speed of our relationship depends a lot on our character. But, yet, I wonder which kind of couple have a better chance to last.

celibacy, life, love, reflexion, relationships, women

The road to hell is paved with good intentions

Among the blogs, you can find some rules for dating there and there, so I’m not gonna elaborate on this. What I would like to emphasize is those dates settled by our friends to break our celibacy.

I know how hard it is to be single nowadays while everything  seems to work by two, and for those who are single, the constant pressure of their entourage to find someone. Some  persons like to be single, though. They can sleep with whoever they want, they  can live their lives like they want. It may sound selfish, but hey, it’s their choice. So why  their friends/ family feel guilty for them to be single? That ‘s a tough question.

 F.,42, is still a bachelor and doesn’t want to change a thing in his life. “I’ve tried living with a woman during three years, but I realized this wasn’t for me”  he explained. “But my sisters and my mother are desperate for me, and they’ve tried to hook me with numerous women they know. But so far, it has never worked”  he explained.

Besides, sometimes, our friends and family think they know what’s best for us, and they try to hook us with someone we would have never picked ourselves.  R., 34, told me her friends arranged for her a rendez-vous with a guy, they insisted,” absolutely charming, with tons of common points with you”.  R. is a scientist and her blind date was one too. But all she feared was to meet an alive encyclopedia. And that was what her blind date was. “He kept on talking about what he read there and there and asked me about things in my job that were absolutely boring. It was the most boring date I ‘ve ever done” she said. ” And also, it made me wonder about a thing: am I so nerdy in my friends’ eyes? Is this the way they see me? “she added.

I suspect some friends to pick just the single guy in their entourage for their single friend , without analyzing  if they really make a good match. T., 31, went once to a blind date organized by her friends. “The guy was really nice, charming, all you wish in a man, but unfortunately, he admitted at the end of the date he was in love with one of my friend, and he hoped to get closer to her by going on a date with me, WTF?” she said.

On the other hand, sometimes, these kind of dates really work. T. ,29, told me she met the man of her life “in one of those silly dates your entourage arranges for you”. The point was I didn’t go on a date just with him, but with all my friends too. They just put me at the end of the table with him and they kept on throwing topics that we could discuss. At the end of the evening, I wanted to see him again, because  I realized we had so much in common” she said.”I didn’t expect to meet him. My friends didn’t tell me they invited him. They secretly arranged the date” she added.

If you had a good experience with this kind of date, feel free to leave a comment.  And if you had a bad experience, express yourself too.