celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, women

There’s always something wrong

One of my single friends collects disastrous dates, as she said. Her problem is that she always finds something wrong in her partner. For example, she spent the evening with an absolutely charming guy. “He was quite handsome, wasn’t too boring, has a little sense of humor, but I wasn’t absolutely seduced by him. I didn’t see it at first, but at the end of the dinner, when he lifted his sleeves, I could notice a huge golden gourmette. It was clear that it was a no-no for me” she explained.

She’s not that shallow though. She once told me she found the perfect man and that everything was perfect with him, until she met his friends. ” They were all idiots. I wondered why they were hanging out with him, who seemed to be the exact opposite of them”  she said.  She couldn’t stand his friends anymore and asked him to choose between them and she. He chose his friends…

She also fell in love with a guy who was sent abroad for his work just three months after they met.  Unfortunately for her, her ex fell in love with his new boss when he moved in his new country. They got married six months later.

Her bad list doesn’t stop here. She also dated a married man but ignored it until his wife came and told her about it.

My friend isn’t the only one hit by bad luck when it comes to dates. But sometimes, I wonder if it’s really bad luck or if she’s just too picky about men. I know she has a precise idea of what she wants in a man, but unfortunately for her, reality has never given her what she wants so far.

L., 35, got married last year, eventually. She has been picky with men too, but she finally found her “prince charming”. ” He’s not exactly what I dreamt about, but he has certain qualities I definitely appreciate. And after all, those are what matters the most to me” she said.

I know relationship is always a question of  (sometimes many) compromises. But are there things in your potential partner that can really make you run away ?


8 thoughts on “There’s always something wrong

  1. finsalscollons says:

    Well, I am a (single) guy and I think this is interesting. The fact is most women have a very high concept of Prince Charming. They phantasize with him since childhood. And when they get to the dating age, they have a list of requirements of four pages with important things (“he has to be a sensible guy”), not-so-important things (“he has to be successful”) and very trivial things (“he has to love french poodles as I do and he can’t wear brown T-shirts because this is not cool”).

    Of course, there is no person in the world who can met this list of requirements, mostly because they are contradictory (“I want a strong, manly boyfriend who is at the same time a sensible guy”). But, fortunately, there is often a happy ending.

    The happy ending happens when the girl realizes that her biological clock is ticking. So she begins to lower her standards. Eventually he mets a nice guy (who is not Prince Charming) but who she accepts to marry with. And then (this is the magic trick love and woman psychology do and that always amazes me), she convinces herself that this guy was the Prince Charming she was dreaming of since childhood. (If the magic trick is not performed, the couple ends in divorce).

    All the girls I know behave like that. For example, my elder sister always wanted to marry a wealthy, successful man with studies and a great career. But when she reached 35, she met a nice guy (in fact, one of the nicest guy I met in my life) and they married each other. He has no studies (my sister is a Graduate and has a Master), has a low-paid job (blue-collar worker) and he earns a lot less than my sister. But she is happy and she says he is the Prince Charming she dreamed. Funny, isn’t it?

    They married one year after knowing each other and two years after they have the most beautiful little girl in the world (well, I admit being her uncle doesn’t allow me to see this baby objectively).

  2. Thanks for the long comment, finsalscollons. You have reason. Some women eventually understand they were waiting for someone that will never come and lower their requirements. But it’s not only because of their biological clock. Maturity and wisdom also interfere into their choices.

  3. finsalscollons says:

    I’m glad you like my comment. Of course, it is also maturity. In fact, what women want is to be happy (men too). They want Prince Charming because they think this mythical creature would bring them happiness.

    Then they realize that Prince Charming doesn’t exist (after all, he is a character from a tale) and, even it he existed, that he wouldn’t make them happy after all.

    But they also realize that they don’t need Prince Charming to be happy. That they can be happy with a true man (that is, a person who has flaws like everyone else). So this realization is a sign of maturity, like you said.

    What I think is sad is that films, novels and songs insist about the myth of Prince Charming. Of course, this is because it is a beautiful phantasy and it is easy to make money by exploiting it. But they produce a lot of pain and sorrow in young women who believe the things they see in movies and they get frustrated when the reality is not like that.

    Excuse me for the long comment. I love to write and I always need some space to express my thoughts. I wish my writing wasn’t so verbose but I can’t help it.

  4. You don’t have to excuse for your long comment, Finsalscollons. This is a free space for opinions.
    Of course, certain films, books and songs insist about the myth of the prince charming. It’s sad that some women actually believe all the sugary stuffs described in them. They can produce a lot of disappointments, but sometimes, they can aslo bring an escape for those who can’t stand reality, for a certain reason.

  5. Fred says:

    Great “tug-a-war” there!

    Why would anybody want to settle for less? I mean , women want Prince Charmings and men want Miss Playboy. Thankfully in the end, for the good of all, everyone lowers their standards! Behind this post lies what I believe is a big issue, and that is education and values. If we teach that beauty is a physical attribute, of course I want the best physique. If we teach that muslim is terrorist, of course I hate muslims…

    We cannot raise children we the same values we have been brought up with. That is what later drives to disappointments.

  6. Yes, Fred, this issue has a lot to do with our education. I still remember a woman I met once, who told me that her mom recommanded her to find a rich guy, and that she went from one disappointment to another because rich guy doesn’t necessarily means great guy. But I believe the media and the cinema industry have a lot of responsabilities in this issue. They always reflected us how perfect we have to be, while in real life, it’s never the case. Nobody’s perfect.

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