celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, women

A prince not so charming


  The myth of the prince charming is still going strong when you ask women about what they expect from a man. But “prince charming” isn’t the exact term for describing the man of a woman’s dream anymore. The term has nothing to do  anymore with the one described in those fairy tales. Of course, it depends a lot on the women’s age you’re asking the question. If she’s under 18, you’ll get a different answer than from a woman over 25.

Under 18, the criterias for the man of a woman’s dream sum up to this: rich, nice and handsome. “I want a man who can transform my life into a living fairy tale” says J., 17.”I want a man who will make all  my girlfriends jealous” tells Y., 16.

Over 18, these criterias improve a little bit. In fact, it depends a lot on how romantic the woman is. If she’s not, she will look for a wealthy, powerful man, for example. H., 32, is convinced that she will find the man of her dream among the CEOs and other managers, but she hasn’t found her Mr. Right  yet though.  If she’s romantic, she will look for ” a friend with benefits”. “I want a good lover but also someone I can get along very well with. I want  a real chemistry between us” tells K. ,25. 

Of course, it’s impossible to generalize what every woman wants in a man, because we’re all different. Some women I know have a very long list of requirements when it comes to the man of their dreams.  It goes from the physical criterias (not to hairy/ hairy, tall/ short, blue/ green, brown eyes, athletic/ muscular/ androgyn, …) to the many aspects of his personality (gentle, intelligent, rebel, unsubordinate, creative, polite, …) And these women won’t necessarily compromise if they don’t find him. “I’ve always had high expectations for the man of my dreams. I’ve been picky, I didn’t want to lower my requirements, and I eventually find my man”  a lucky S., 34, said. “ But my list was realistic: I just wanted him to be a real gentleman, good looking,  nice with my friends and my family, intelligent and with a little sense of humor” she added. “But even with this list,  men like that are a rare breed”.

Some women also told me they weren’t looking for their prince charming. R., 29, says she doesn’t believe in “all those bullshits”. “If I feel the right chemistry between us, then I know he’s the one” she said. “I have no criteria when it comes to men, except maybe hygiene and intelligence” she recognizes.

I wasn’t looking for a precise type of men when I met the light of my life the first time. I just appreciate the fact we could get along so well and that he shares most of my tastes.  I just let things happen.

So, do you really select a man because he fits in your criterias or just follow your instinct ? And for the men reading this post, have you ever been rejected because you didn’t fit in a woman’s criterias ? Do you have an ideal of the woman of your dream ?

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17 thoughts on “A prince not so charming

  1. wolfcub says:

    I remember once I danced with both a woman and her friend, and later remarked to the woman that her friend seemed a little distant during our dance. “Oh, that’s just because she prefers tall guys,” came the reply.

    Huh! Well, at least I got a straight answer. And you know, it didn’t annoy me at all. A woman too shallow to look past my height (average, but short compared to her) is not the right woman for me.

    Oh, and I’ve been going out with the first woman for 1.5 years next month. 🙂

  2. Yep. Been rejected. Not quite sure why yet. God knows what women are thinking at times -la donna e mobile-. But I am happy now, been with my girl since may 4th, 2002 ;).

  3. Again an excellent post. Well u know when the chemistry give the right flash automatically u will find the person your prince charming. But in todays world girls or boys everyone want a peace life. So they always very cautious about their Mr/Miss Right….And I think its all good 🙂

  4. Definitely instinct. I think you’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you have a list of stringent criteria… but I think that’s been clearly illustrated both in the blog and the comments.. 🙂

  5. finsalscollons says:

    Well I think the post confuses two different concepts. Of course, women (like men) dream of his future partner and have a list of requirements. After all, nobody pair himself with the first guy/girl that appears. 😉 But there is a big difference between realistic and even logical expectations ( “I want a good lover but also someone I can get along very well with. I want a real chemistry between us”) and irrealistic ones (“rich, nice and handsome. “I want a man who can transform my life into a living fairy tale”)

    These are two different concepts and deserve different nouns. So I would say the first woman I quote is waiting for “the One” and the last one is waiting for “Prince Charming”.

    “Prince Charming” is one of the most harmful phantasies our time has produced. Women has been hurt in masses by it but, amazingly, it is one of their most treasured phantasies. 😦

    Prince Charming is the phantasy that there is someone perfect who will rescue of a normal existence and bring you a fairy-tale happiness.

    He will be rich (so you don’t have to work to earn your living and you can enjoy a wealthy existence without working hard to get to the top – see for example the gold-digging website http://www.wealthymen.com). He will be strong and sensitive (this means, that he will be strong when you want it, sensitive when you want it and he will have telepathic powers to know when you want him to be sensitive or strong – even when you don’t know it). Of course, he will be handsome and rich (even if you are ugly and poor). He will be an alpha male and, yet, he will be faithful to you (this is a complete contradiction but logic is not important here). He will be adore your friends and family (more than his). And so on and so on.

    Well, if there is such a man (I really doubt it), it is not for you. A man like this (one between ten million, if he exists) will look for a wealthy, astoundingly beautiful and extraordinary woman or, more probably, will be a complete womanizer because he can get all the women he wants.

    So some women spend their twenties thinking about this mythological creature and despising the real guys that approach them because “they are not good enough”. When they are in their mid-thirties, they begin worrying about not having a family and therefore lower their standards. But men don’t have a biological clock and, furthermore, they love young and pretty women. So this mid-thirties women cannot compete with the girls who have ten years less (this is not fair but nature is not fair). At the end, they end marrying one guy but usually he is far “worse” (that is, uglier, poorer and less exciting) than the one they could have had if they didn’t despise the men that approached them in their mid-twenties (while they were dreaming of Prince Charming). So this phantasy has made worse their choice of partner. It is the problem when someone confuses dream with reality.

  6. Vanessa, after reading all the comments, it seems that instinct wins 🙂

    Sameha Esha: Thanks, it’s clear that most of us want a steady life, but again, there are exceptions to that model.

    Finsalscollons: yes, some women aren’t realistic when it comes to the man of their dreams. But hey, what’s worse in this: settle down for a man that doesn’t make you really vibrate because your biological clock is running out of time, or waiting for the prince who will eventually never come ? Besides, I’ve met several women in their late 30’s who told me they stopped waiting for their prince charming, and opted to articifial insemination to have a baby. It’s an evolution that scares me a bit in this society, but it’s a trend that’s not going backwards, I’m afraid.

  7. finsalscollons says:

    Well, modobs, I think you ask an important question “settle down for a man that doesn’t make you really vibrate because your biological clock is running out of time, or waiting for the prince who will eventually never come ?”.

    Of course, this depends of the woman (in fact of the person). But I think the real question is:

    “settle down for a man that doesn’t make you really vibrate because your biological clock is running out of time or being single?”

    This the real question. If you are a woman, you are in the mid-thirties and your prince hasn’t come, believe me, he won’t come. It is probable that this prince doesn’t exist: it is only a figment of your imagination. And, even if he does exist, you are running out of time if you want a family and your “mate value” to the opposite sex is decreasing. It’s highly unlikely your prince will come and choose you. He may be chasing some younger women (sad, but true).

    Of course, there is a tiny possibility that your prince will eventually marry you. Something like a 0.5% of possibility. It is also possible that you win the lottery. But if you decided not to have a job because you hope to win the lottery some day, you would have made a very unwise decision. If you are in the mid-thirties and decide not to marry because you think your prince will come, this will be very unwise.

    So you have three realistic options (if you are a mid-thirty woman):

    1. Being a lifelong bachelorette (like me, who I am I lifelong bachelor, see below). You can even have children but it would be harder.
    2. Marry without “the vibrating thing” (but most women that do that are happy because they end fooling themselves by thinking that his husband is the prince they were waiting)
    3. Wait even more to the prince to appear. Ten years from now, your “mate value” will have decreased hugely. Of course, you still will be able to marry then, but the men you will be able to get to marry you will be fewer and worse than those who you can marry now (think about divorced fifty-somethings with children). And forget about children.

    (There’s nothing wrong about being single. For example, I prefer it. I am a 37 year old man and I have chosen being a lifelong bachelor because I love traveling, studying, doing what I want (without asking for permission or being ordered) and being on my own. I love peace and adventure. Of course, I have and will have “friends with benefits” and even some “girlfriend” – after all, I’m a human and I have romantic, relationship and sex needs – but I won’t marry, and I am very happy like this).

    (And for the “vibrating” thing: I think it is grossly overestimated. This lasts only from two to four years (this has been scientifically proved). Then love becomes calmer, like a friendship with some scarce sex. So planning a life out of the belief that this infatuation will last forever is not wise at all).

  8. swissabel says:

    have you ever been rejected because you didn’t fit in a woman’s criterias ?
    Yes!
    Women in my age group (20 somethings) have a list of criteria when it comes to liking a man or responding to man’s advances. It’s a clichéd saying but I have come to believe that, curiously enough, money fades out all those criteria. In a way, I won’t blame women for having lofty expectations. See my next response.

    Do you have an ideal of the woman of your dream ?
    I can confirm that men also have a list of criteria. We’re also guilty of disregarding that one-in-a-blue-moon woman who’s interested in us but doesn’t fit in with the criteria. But I believe men do not hold on to their lists so dearly. Speaking for me alone, while I do act difficult in terms of choice, I’d be happy with anyone who I feel a connection with, who’s open-minded and accommodating. But how can a person know if he’s stamped as unworthy outright. Going by what I’ve seen and what I’ve read recently women tend to lower their standards only when that’s the last resort.

  9. Ha, Swissabel, I was going to write a future post about women and money, so I’m not gonna reply to the first part of your comment. You will understand why later 😉

    For the second part, it seems that you’re driven by your instinct too when it comes to choose your partner. welcome in the club 🙂

  10. finsalscollons says:

    Well, swissabel. It’s true that men have our lists but don’t hold on them so dearly because:

    1. Our list is shorter because we are less perfectionist than women. They perceive more the details and are more nuanced.

    2. We have more need of affection and sex (this is one of our flaws). We are the emotional sex: women are not so emotional but more practical (this is a unknown truth). So we cannot wait for long periods of time expecting the “right person” to appear. Women are more able to be alone without feeling the urge to mate (they can manage their emotions better without a couple).

    3. We know deep inside that we can’t have it all. This is a truth that women don’t seem to understand, perhaps because they have been told for decades that they can have it all: they can be the perfect professional, the perfect mother, the perfect wife and have a life full of friendship and leisure (with the perfect body of course). Everything at the same time. But life is full of choices. If you want to be the perfect wife and friend, you have no time to be the perfect professional and vice versa. All this mirage of perfection is very stressful for women.

    So, even the less atractive woman thinks (no, “knows”) that she can have the most impressive alpha male with the most exciting qualities. A poor man with the looks of Danny DeVito knows he can’t have a girl like Angelina Jolie, but a poor girl with the looks of Roseanne thinks he can have somebody like George Clooney. So she holds dearly her list because she “knows” she can achieve her dream and she is afraid to settle for less.

  11. swissabel says:

    @ finsalscollons: What you said about men in #2 and #3 are things I’ve never seen discussed before. But yes, they’re true to a great extent. I don’t want to comment on how women are; mainly because I haven’t known many women well enough to judge. I do admit that it makes sense.

  12. finsalscollons says:

    @ swissabel. Thank you. I’m glad you agree with what I said. It’s unusual to find people to discuss these things. It took me years of observation, reading, talking and experience with women (my former girlfriends, my two sisters and my female cousins) to get to these conclusions. But since I reached these conclusions, I see them every time in daily life.

    The most hard thing is the fact that, some times, women don’t understand their own feelings and what they say misleads you. For example, a girl that is always saying “the only thing I want is a nice guy who loves me”. But this girl is always dating “bad guys” that treat her like scum. And he has a sensitive nice guy by her side who loves her and treat her like a queen but she only see him “as a friend”. So actions are different than words.

    If you want to understand women, you have to pay more attention to actions than to words. Men always use words to convey meaning so we don’t understand that, some times, women use words to express feelings, regardless of the logical truth of the sentences. Using the same example, the woman who said “the only thing I want is a nice guy who loves me” probably meant “I want the (bad) guy I’m dating to be nicer to me and to love me”.

    Of course, when I say “women”, I mean “most women”. There are always exceptions. And even the behaviour of the same woman varies greatly depending of the situation. The same for men.

  13. finsalscollons says:

    A JOKE

    This is a funny joke about Prince Charming I have tried to translate from Spanish into English. I don’t know if I have succeed because English is not my mother tongue. If you can read Spanish you can find it at http://www.ayvevos.com/foros/showthread.php?t=3781

    (Of course, this is only a joke. It is not meant to be real)

    WOMEN’S PRAYER

    O Jesus, now that I’m preparing to sleep, I open my heart to beg You about the man who is to be my partner for life. May he be handsome, intelligent, affectionate, strong, committed and nice.

    May he be composer and poet. May he have sense of humour, of the kind of humour I can understand.

    May he enjoy listening to me for hours, think before speaking and tell the truth, only the truth, and nothing but the truth.

    May he likes my family and friends but not football.

    May he not snore and pee unseated. May he not make me wait when he tells me he’s going to call me. May he be on time at home without smell of a motel soap.

    May I always know where he is unless when he is buying me roses or gifts.

    When we go out, may he patiently wait for 3 hours while I get ready, faint with emotion when I finally appear, dance better than Fred Astaire and never bring me with his friends.

    I pray for him to have a well-paid job, to be perfectionnist and generous, and not to get mad when I spend his money.

    May he open the car door for me, pull my chair when we are eating and know how to give me a back massage. May he always (ALWAYS) see me thin.

    May he make love with me until I get exhausted, understand when I have headache and bring me breakfast in bed.

    Oh, Lord! Send me a loving and faithful husband, who loves me with respect and passion, who loves me because of me and not because the size of my breasts. May he think I am the only woman in the world, always tell me how gorgeous I look and how lucky he was to find me.

    I pray you for the man who is going to love me till death! Amen.

    MEN’S PRAYER

    Lord, give me a dumb and blonde nympho with huge boobs, who owns a beer company and a house on the beach. Amen.

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