celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, women

The failed manoeuvers in the dark

One of my single female friend isn’t shy when it comes to approaching men. She told me she like flirting with them, even though she doesn’t expect anything serious, just because of their reactions.  She said she’s waiting for a real man, “who won’t be afraid if I make the first move and be able to handle it”. “Most of the guys I met in bars and at the disco are intimated by me. They feel so embarrassed when I try to start the conversations with them”  she added.  “The only ones who don’t blush and are able to keep a conversation with me are either under the influence of drugs or alcohol, or maybe both” she said.

It’s quite curious what she told me. Because recently, a woman I met complained about how she gets accosted all the time. She said she does nothing to attract men in particular. But she’s shy and a little bit mysterious, and I guess that’s what turns men on.

Does this mean that men don’t like to be hunted and when roles are inverted?  Not necessarily. H., 35, told me that if she hasn’t made the first move with her husband, she would probably never marry him. “He blushed and didn’t know what to say when I first met him, but as I was a little bit desperate and thinking about leaving him, he found the courage to ask for my telephone number, and the rest is history”  she said.

Y. ,31, told me she has another tactic for flirting. “It’s all about letting him the impression he gets the control of everything, while it’s not”  she explained. “Usually, if I spot a potential partner, I try to approach him and stand in his sight. It works 80 % of the time” she said.

So, ladies, what’s your strategy for flirting with men ? And gentlemen, do you run away when a woman is accosting you?


17 thoughts on “The failed manoeuvers in the dark

  1. swissabel says:

    do you run away when a woman is accosting you?
    No, in fact I find it refreshingly novel and quite endearing.

    I’m sure Y,31. has not got numbers to back her claim of 80%! 🙂 But I agree with her. If a potential partner is in my sight, that improves the chance of me approaching her from zero to something. The only thing that may prevent me from approaching her would be if she were with a bunch of people/friends (assuming it’s not a noisy place; a bit of noisy din would give a man a bit of cover even if he were to rejected with other people present nearby).

  2. Swissabel, Y. just pretends her 80 %. I don’t know if it’s true and I don’t want to know 🙂
    And what you said means that a woman alone has a better chance to be accosted than a woman accompanied by her friends (even if she’s with her girlfriends).

  3. I don’t have a specific strategy. It depends on my mood and the situation, although I can be quite devious. I have often separated myself from the group and put myself in his line of sight, or strategically arrived at the bar to buy a drink at the same time – that kind of thing. I’m an expert at pretending something is accidental… It nearly always works.

    Then again, sometimes I just strike up a conversation.

  4. Only when I notice a man (or a stranger) staring at me does he get my attention. I usually acknowledge with a nod or a smile. Sometimes I take advantage of the situation, like when I was at the airport checking in my bags, I noticed that the checker was attracted to me so I flirted with him to get a better seat.

  5. So, Vanessa, it looks like the strategy of putting yourself in sight of the object of your affection is a winner. And also, the “accidental” one too… 🙂

  6. Haha, April, I see that you used your charms to get what you want 😉 I do this too. It pisses off my man. But hey, it’s helpful when you get arrested by the police, or need a better place in a parking lot. Just for that, it’s good to be a woman 🙂

  7. modobs:

    This reminded me of a female friend who got pulled over by a police for speeding. She bent over in her mini skirt pretending to look for her driver’s license, and I saw the cop checking out her behind (thongs and all). He let her go without a ticket. We drove away laughing and I said to her I will try that trick when I get caught speeding.

  8. findsalsdcollons says:

    Well, I am a really shy guy with girls (not with other people, I have been owner of a company a have had very well-paid jobs). So I would prefer that women made the first move, but this is only so in my wildest dreams. If there is a woman who makes the first move, surely she isn’t Spanish (nor from Central America where I lived nine years).

    Usually, I sweat, pray to God and approach her like a sheep who goes to the slaughter house trying to give a calm impression. When I’m rejected, Spanish girls reject me in a rude and humiliating manner but Central American use to be polite even where rejecting.

    So a woman who makes the first move, it’s not intimidating, it is a gift from God.

    Modobs, give the number of your friend!!

  9. findsalsdcollons says:

    One thing that amazes me about our dating ritual (the fact that men always make the first move) is that the most beautiful and exciting women are the ones who are in the less favourable situation.

    Men don’t like rejection and know they can’t have it all. So a men will only approach a women if he thinks he has a possibility of success. Most men won’t approach an alpha female (astonishing beautiful, young, exciting woman) because they “are sure” they would be rejected -even if this is not true (the haughty attitude of these women with men doesn’t help either).

    So who will approach the alpha female? The guys who are very self-confident, who think they can succeed because they have succeed many times before. That is, the womanizers, the ladies’ men. A womanizer can end marrying the alpha female but it is naive to expect he will be faithful to her. The same way a woman don’t stop buying clothes because she has finally found his favourite blouse, a womanizer won’t stop seducing women only because he has married his favourite woman.

    So alpha females are (on average) more miserable in their marriages and have higher rates of divorce. Betha females marry ordinary guys that are not so self-confident but that are the ones who want to create a family and be faithful. Like the ordinary guy who H. approached and now is her husband. If the traditional dating ritual has been used, this man never would have approached H.

    This is why there is a Spanish saying: “La suerte de la fea, la guapa la desea”. Something like “Ugly girls are lucky and pretty girls envy them”. (it rhymes in Spanish)

  10. Finsalscollons, you made a point. I know a very beautiful woman who’s still single because she says men are afraid of approaching her.

  11. swissabel says:

    Yes, I think a woman alone has a better chance to be accosted than a woman accompanied by her friends (even girlfriends). In fact, if she’s with guy it may be easier to strike up a conversation, initially with the group. But how do you gatecrash a group of females?!

    And findsalsdcollons has a very valid point. In case of most very attractive women, you can sense the haughty attitude from afar. It’s hard for anyone other than an alpha male to approach her what with a certain realistic possibility of rejection looming.

  12. How do you gatecrash a group of females? With the help of diversion, Swissabel. Usually, in this case, a group of males will create the perfect diversion for the other females in the group. Am I wrong ?

  13. swissabel says:

    @ modobs: a group of males is a good idea if you want to approach a group of females. however, in the one instance that I wanted to talk to one particular girl who was with her girlfriends, I was with my friends who are not single. while we enjoy everyone of them enjoys good-humoured banter about women, they’re the kind who wouldn’t stray. they weren’t too keen to help with diversion there. 🙂 but yes, I take your point.

  14. Oh, Swissabel, maybe you should try to go out with a bunch of single friends, then. But you’ll have another problem : the competition 😉

  15. finsalscollons says:

    Another funny thing about the traditional dating ritual is the importance of beauty. Imagine a guy who is in a club. In front of him, there are a lot of women (and men, but he’s not gay). Who will choose to approach first?

    The only element for decision is beauty. He cannot know whether a given girl is funny, intelligent, good to deal with, affectionate or happy. There are a lot of qualities that a not-so-beautiful girl can offer.

    Of course, men love beautiful women but they also love happy or intelligent woman (For example, I prefer a nice girl with average beauty to these unbearable gorgeous entitlement princesses – and I know a lot of men like me).

    Nevertheless, you cannot know what each girl has inside so you only have the beauty to decide. So you go for the prettiest girl you think you have a possibility with. (Of course, not the prettiest girl in the club, because, as I said in my previous post, you know you have no possibility). So alpha males will go to the prettiest girls and betha males will go to the pretty girls that are not astoundishingly pretty. The ugly girls have little possibility.

    This is why girls spend a lot of time to get ready before they go out. They know that beauty is their biggest card. They wear tiny clothes who show their skins to turn the men on. They use make up and so on. The beauty industry (from make up to styllists to breast implants) makes a fortune out of our dating ritual.

    So if you are a not very pretty girl, your best bet is, either to break the dating ritual (and approach to the men you like, like H.: you can be surprised) or to get your partner between your friends (instead of the guys in a club). Your friends know your good qualities and can be more easily attracted to you. So knowing a lot of people and having a lot of friends seems a good strategy.

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