broken heart, life, love, men, relationships, women

It’s over before it began

Sometimes, a little unfortunate sentence can ruin everything with your potential partner. Some people say everything that’s running in their head on their first date because they panic and are too intimidated by their date.  That’s sweet, but in some cases, they’d better have kept their mouth shut.

A friend of mine told me about her latest encounter with the opposite sex, which turned into a disaster. “We were in a bar, and I spotted him sitting a few seats from mine. He also seemed to be interested by me. But none of us wanted to make the first move. One of my friend came to talk to him, and he joined our group. Slowly, all my friends moved out, leaving us alone, and we started to look each other, but never said a thing. I proposed him to go with us at the club next door, but he refused. He said that he only dances when he’s under the influence of drugs, but wanted to see me again. I just ran away” she said.

Another friend of mine told me he got rejected last year by one of his dates because he was making fun of that band  who won the Eurovision song contest in 2006. “I was laughing and asked to my date who the hell on earth could listen to such an horrible band. She replied that she loved them” he said. “I never saw her again after that” he added.

 A. 31, said she rejected a guy because he told her he hated children. A. is a kindergarten teacher (that’s too bad). 

Pierre Desproges, a famous french humorist, said we can laugh about anything, but not with anyone.  How right he was. There’s a list of subjects you must avoid with some people, including your date.  But of course, when you get a date with a total stranger and hardly know anything about him/her, it’s difficult to know in advance what subjects will make him/her angry at you.  And sometimes, relying on your instinct isn’t a good idea.

However, there are certain rules to follow to avoid catastrophes like that. Try to avoid making any judgement on these following subjects: environment, politics, religion, children, women, … You shouldn’t criticise the other’s personal tastes too.

On the other hand, those spontaneous sentences we leaked in a conversation can be helpful too. Why persecute yourself if you know it’s never gonna work between him/her and you ?

What sentence will make you immediately run away from a potential partner ? 


18 thoughts on “It’s over before it began

  1. swissabel says:

    Good my lord! Food for thought: Do not make random jokes without thinking about possible consequences – not to make people laugh, not even to break the ice with new people you meet! Especially, limit the silly jokes that you make about yourself. I do that at times, and it harms more than helps.

    What sentence will make you immediately run away from a potential partner?
    Hmm. None. I may be offended/hurt by some sentences, especially generalizations. However, I normally give people some more time and chances. After all, one should not judge another too soon. Too bad not everyone I meet are like that.

  2. Oh, you’re pretty tolerant with the others, Swissabel. Personally, if someone makes a racist remark, I will immediately run away.

  3. “Why persecute yourself if you know it’s never gonna work between him/her and you ?”

    I agree.

    Hence, the reason why there are certain situations when there’s no room for hesitance. Although… relationships tend to only work when people are completely honest with each other (or at least, if each party perceives that the other is capable of such honesty); and sometimes, the only way to ensure that trust is to be relatively blunt (not mean) the first time around.

  4. swissabel says:

    modobs: Actually, you’ve reminded me of an occasion when I did run away. It was a racist remark. I’ll go back on my earlier response. I’d run away when it’s something acutely insensitive in the matters of race, origin, etc. – something that reeks of severe close-mindedness.

    (The operative word is ‘acute’/’severe’. I don’t mind a jovial discussion of eccentricities pertaining to these topics. You can usually tell when the person speaking is a hardliner akin to a skinhead.)

  5. Raindreamer says:

    I am always opening my mouth, when I should not … and I dislike those people, who make split of the second decissions on your identity, when your think out loud and they might even have understood correctly what you said.

    Think twice before judging is my view.

    I hate to go thinking: should not mention marriage, children or anything, even in anybody elses lives…

  6. Swissabel, I don’t make any difference between a hardcore racist remark and a racist one disguised under a joke. Some of my friends have suffered a lot of being rejected because of the colour of their skin. It’s not fair.
    But of course, it depends on who’s saying the joke. If it’s a white person who criticises the Asians or Africans, I will not tolerate it. If it’s an Asian making fun of his culture, it’s OK with me.

  7. Raindreamer, some people will immediately judge you with every act or words you say/ pronounce. It’s called being narrow-minded.
    Of course, you should think twice before judging someone. I could have missed some of my friends if I just settled on my first opinion.
    And if you or your potential partner is shocked by what you/he said and rejected you right away, you may avoid a relationship that will never work. It can be helpful to always open your mouth 🙂

  8. swissabel says:

    If it’s a white person who criticises the Asians or Africans, I will not tolerate it. If it’s an Asian making fun of his culture, it’s OK with me.

    I agree, modobs. That’s what I had in mind.

  9. finsalscollons says:

    Well some sentences that make the men run away from the first date:

    – “Men are pigs” (hard to believe but some women say that in their first date and I am not joking with this sentence).
    – “I admire Lorena Bobbit”.
    – “I look forward to marry”.
    – “I love children. I can’t wait to have my own. I am the only in my family who has not offspring. And my nephews are so cute”.
    – “My ex-boyfriend was such an asshole”.
    – “Black men are “bigger”. I know this because I have experienced myself”.
    – “We live in a patriarchy”.
    – “What do you earn? Have you a luxury car? Do you own a house? What are your professional perspectives. Would you buy some more drinks? And some jewelry?”.
    – I want to be virgin until I marry

    (Well, I can’t help explain my own experience. My longest relationship – 6 years – was with one of these “virgins”. I was so in love that I respect her virginity for such a long time. She used to promise me that, when we get married, we have this amazing sex and that it was worth waiting. After all these years -and 6 months before the wedding- my girlfriend dumped me.).

  10. Gosh, Finsalscollons, if a woman says that men are pigs on her first date, she probably wants to get rid of her date as quick as possible. I see no other explanations.
    And Lorena Bobbit ? Oh my god, the woman who tells this isn’t mentally sane.

  11. Or maybe number one is a hardcore feminist who wants to break her celibacy, but is obviously following the wrong road.

  12. finsalscollons says:

    Well, the quote is “men are pigs” is real. She was a hardcore feminist that really meant it. I think when you are so full of an ideology you loose the ability to see things from outside this ideology and to put yourself in other people’s shoes. She wanted me to agree with her because “it is obvious that men are pigs, whether you acknowledge or not (and there’s no point of hiding it from me). I don’t mean to offend. I only say the truth we both know.”. Well, I suppose that she wanted me to apologize for being man, but I don’t do these things.

    In fact, the thing about Lorena Bobbit was something different (but I shortened the thing). When watching the TV, a report about Lorena Bobbit appeared. My ex-date (other woman different from the “men are pigs” girl) got up from the coach, and joyfully screamed “You go, girl!”. I was astonished. I don’t know how my ex-date would have reacted if I had cheered a man who cut his partner’s breasts”.

    Funny things from the weird Datingland. Haha

  13. Qelqoth says:

    Nothing makes me run, really. I’m game for anything. Well, except eating poo. But everything else is fine by me.

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