life, love, relationships, women

Better than the devil you know

Despite being taught when you were little that you have to behave kindly with the others,  you can act sometimes very badly with some people.

Some women have clearly chosen their teams between saints and sluts. Some others still wonder in which category they would fit in. And some women, after evolving in the saint category for years, turn into the slut category all of a sudden. The inverse is also true.

As I went to a catholic high school when I was a teenager, I met a lot of the saint category (who never turned into sluts years after). Usually, these are those girls who want to wait after the wedding to lose their virginity.  I still remember this incredibly naive girl in my class, whose boyfriend was making badges for her (he was 21 at the time, yep) when he had some spare time in College.  Of course, her aim was to stay a virgin until the day she married.  And for what I heard about her recently, she achieved her goal, and is now happily married to her badge maker husband with three kids. I know she would never go off the rails, because she’s such a saint. Yeah, I find her incredibly annoying.

Among the other girls who didn’t fit into the saint category, there were the self -proclaimed sluts who were collecting boys as a principal hobby. One of them once confessed to me she couldn’t stay single, so she had to have a heavy turnover of male to fill her loneliness.  Now, she’s still officially single, and is dating two guys at the same time, a married man and a guy just escaped from puberty. She told me she doesn’t want to get married, because she thinks marriage is a contract between two persons and believes she couldn’t respect the terms of the contract.   

Then we had the sinners turned saints and the saints turned sinners. One of the self-proclaimed slut in my high school is now married AND faithful to her husband. They’ve been together for 5 years now and nobody thought it would have lasted for so long. On the other side,  one of the little not- before- the- wedding turned into a real slut when she started her professional career as a lawyer.  Her actual “love life” would make jealous the allergic- to- wedding mentioned above.

And then, there’s the special category in between (the heavy majority of us, in fact).  T, 34, told me she feels sometimes like a slut, sometimes like a saint in her relationships. “There were some of my exes I treated like pure sexual objects, but it was mutual, and there were some who I really loved” she explained. “I do admit I’m not proud of some parts of my past love life. And if I’m really in love, I will try to make everything possible to be a saint to my man” she added.  L.,31, explained she enjoyed being a  slut when she’s single, and like a saint when she’s in couple. V., 30, said she had some fuck friends in between two serious relationships.

Do you consider yourself like a slut? A saint ? Neither of those two categories ?


19 thoughts on “Better than the devil you know

  1. Sometimes, I fantasize of being a “Samantha”, just to know how it feels to have sex without getting attached. But I am really a “Charlotte” at heart – sweet, romantic, and naive. However, to most people I know, they see me as “Miranda”, stoic, career-oriented, and pompous at times.

  2. I don’t know why, but I’ve always felt like a mix between Miranda and Carrie, April. Gosh, how I miss this show.

  3. What exactly constitutes being a slut?

    Ok, maybe I know, and I’ve never been one… but I think all of these women had their psychological reasons for sleeping with many men, some not knowing why and some quite blatantly looking for sex.

    Women just after sex is a very rare thing. There is almost always some emotional connection.

    Call me old fashioned…

  4. Even if they think they are looking for just sex, they are looking for it for a reason…just to clarify. Be it attention, looking for love where they won’t find it… Something has been missing.

    My estimate is that 98% of women in the sex industry have been fucked over by men in their early development… It works the same for women who are looked upon as sluts…

    Heh, now I take it to another topic again…

  5. I really don’t know exactly what I would be classified as. Then again, it’s really up to the perception of others as far as classifications go. I like sex and I like being in a good solid relationship. If I can combine the two together, great.

  6. We all like that, Tommy……Very much.

    You’ll see I’m right. I’ve been too close to it not to know…

    All anyone wants is that combination, with care and consideration… and all the things that go along with having a happy reltaionsip. That part of it is more important than sex. Sex is not unimportant at all, but you have nothing if you don’t have the first part, and that is complicated…

    The whole concept is fraught…It’s amazing anyone makes it out the other side…

  7. finsalscollons says:

    Well, Vanessa, I am upset with your claim:

    “My estimate is that 98% of women in the sex industry have been fucked over BY MEN in their early development” (Well, I would like to see where you have found this statistic, to begin with).

    I think this is unfair. Imagine I would say: “My estimate is that 98% of men in the sex industry have been fucked over by women in their early development”. (I can already hear the protest: “But women are unable to do that! They are nicer and empathetic! They can do no evil to children”. The fact is that the main cause of abuse of children is their own mother. So, it’s a fact that most women fuck over children in their early development than men do this.)

    I am tired of this double standard. If women do good things, this proves they are better than men. If men do good things, this proves nothing. If men do bad things, this proves they are worse than women. But, if women do bad or strange things, they are good anyway and the guilty is some man.

    This is the old-fashioned female victimism: “Women good, men bad”. (after all, everyone knows that men are evil and women are so good and so victims). It’s a pity that reality is different (don’t let the reality spoil a convenient theory) and men and women are both human beings – that is, a mix of good and evil.

    If some women want to work in the sex industry, it’s HER decision and HER responsibility. Women are not pointed with a gun to enter the sex industry. Even if they have been fuck over (by a men or a women) they are not obliged to enter this industry. They do it willingly, because they want to earn easy money, enjoy the job, want to achieve something or because any other reason.

    (By the way, when I was 7 years old, I was sexually abused by a female cousin of mine. I have had sexual and relationship problems out of this but no, I haven’t entered the sex industry.).

    Women are not brainless robots or silly children. They are grown-ups and have responsibility in their lives. Blaming men for the decisions they made is not only awkard and unfair, but also inmature and bad for women who want to take the control of their lives.

    Apologies for the rant but I’m tired to see the man depicted as the cause of all evil in the world. We are human beings not devils.

  8. Vanessa, I don’t know if there’s a special definition for a slut. I do believe on the other hand there are some women on this planet who can sleep with a man and feel nothing after the act, just like a man. But they are an exception.
    I know that some women in the sex industry ending up there carry a heavy psychological luggage, and that they probably have been fucked over men in their early career. But 98 % ? Wow, that’s a high percentage. I never thought of that.

    Promise! next year, I will tell my in-laws to celebrate their anniversary on an other day than the Eurovision. 😉

    Tommy: it’s difficult to perceive yourself in a category, but people always think they know better than you and have to put you somewhere.

    Finsalcollons: The sex industry doesn’t reflect at all the real life, and that’s a chance 🙂 Those women have nothing in common with many of the women in this world. They are a particular case. I don’t want to victimise them. As you said, they entered the industry because it’s their personal choice. But what brings them there isn’t sometimes pretty at all, while for the men in this industry, it’s a different story.
    I’m sorry for what you went through when you were a kid.

  9. finsalscollons says:

    Well, modobs. I think I didn’t explain myself. My point wasn’t about the sex industry. My point was about the women blaming men for their (of women) own decisions. My point was about thinking women are victims (angelical creatures that don’t have any guilt nor responsibility) and men are the guilty of the evil women do.

    It’s not about sex industry. Vanessa also said:

    My estimate is that 98% of women in the sex industry have been fucked over BY MEN in their early development… It works the same for women who are looked upon as sluts…

    If a man is promiscous, well this only proves that “all men are the same” and it’s an excuse for despising men. But if a woman is promiscous, the guilty is a man who “allegedly” fucked over in her early development.

    In fact, 98% of promiscous women (“who are looked upon as sluts”) have been fucked over by man by children. How did Vanessa get this conclusion? Does she knows all the promiscuous women and their personal history? No. By statistics? No. Every statistics show the women are the main abusers of children.

    She got this conclusion by feminist logic. The logic reasoning is as follows:

    1. Woman are good, men are bad. Women are victims, men are agressors.(This is an axiom of feminist logic, so, like the five axioms of Euclidean geometry, it needs no proof and it’s the foundation of all further reasoning).
    2. Because of 1, woman are unable to be promiscous for “bad” reasons: enjoying sex with multiple partners, enjoying attention, achieve some objectives by using sex as a tool. (Don’t get me wrong: I am non-judgmental)
    3. Because of 2, there must be another cause for the promiscuity of these women.
    4. This cause is not good so it cannot be put on women (that are good, because of 1) and must be put on men (that are bad, because of 1).
    5. So men are guilty of the promiscuity of women. QUOD ERAT DEMOSTRANDUM

    Well, I’m sorry to awake you from your “fairy-tale” theory about woman nature but some women are bad (the same for men), some women do bad actions and some women enjoy having sex with many partners (I don’t think this is bad but neither is the men’s guilt).

    It’s the same you say, modobs. “[Women] entered the industry because it’s their personal choice. But what brings them there isn’t sometimes pretty at all, while for the men in this industry, it’s a different story“.

    Every time the double standard. Men enter the industry because pretty reasons and women enter the industry for unpretty reasons. Needless to say, that both men and women enter the industry for the same reasons: getting money (I don’t think this is pretty or unpretty, but anyway). It’s a job, for God’s sake (promiscous men and women can get laid without being paid for this and without a lot of crew members watching them when they are performing). Why women in this industry must to be depicted as a victims and men it’s a different story?

    A man makes violence against his wife and appears in the news. Of course, this is another proof of the evil nature of men, of the fact men are agressors and women are the victims, etc.

    A woman makes violence against his husband and appears in the news. Of course, the man is blamed, the woman was a victim and this was self-defense. This is another proof of the evil nature of man, of the fact men are agressors and women are the victims. The woman who have made violence about his husband turns into a feminist symbol (see Lorena Bobbit). Men are agressors even when they are victims. Don’t let the reality spoil a beutiful theory.

    Well, I was sexually abused by a woman when I was a child. But I don’t blame women for this thing that has marked all my life (even if the women are the first cause of abuse of children). I blame my cousin who took advantage of a child.

    If I were a woman and my cousin a man, the guilty will be all the men and my case would be another proof of the evil nature of men and an excuse for male-bashing and hating. I would be angry all my life against men.

    Every time the double standard. It’s a lie that feminism wants equality. It wants special privileges for women by depicting them as victims (In my country, the law against domestic violence applies only to women. 3000 men have been killed by their wifes last year, but they haven’t been protected by this law because they are of the wrong sex – the Minister didn’t even mentioned them)

    modobs, Vanessa, this is not an attack against you or women. I love women, and most men do too. You are only repeating some wide clichés that are harmful for relationship between men and women. Men want to be appreciated by women, to know that we are not seen as a evil and agressive creatures, but to be seen as human beings, with virtues and flaws, like women.. They are less and less marriages, more and more divorces. Women ask “Where did all the good men go?”. Perhaps are alone (like me), fed up with the fact women sees them as a potential agressors and are blaming us all the time.

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  11. Geez.

    I couldn’t read all that. Sorry. I will however, say that my estimate on the percentage of women in the sex industry who have been abused by men is accurate, from my own personal observations. I have known a LOT of women who work in various facets of the sex industry – from stripping to prostitution – and I am struggling to think of one who didn’t come crom an abusive background…. more often than not, sexual abuse in their formative years. It clouds their view of themselves, their feelings of self worth and causes unhealthy relationships with men in later life. I do know what I am talking about.

    It is textbook psychology 101 that many women who are very promiscuous, are that way because they never learnt to have healthy relationships with men, due to either abuse, or some early trauma relating to men. I am not going on a feminist rant here, just saying how it is. I have no agenda.

    I also never said that all men were bad. That is ridiculous. I am not attacking men. It’s just how it is. I know there are many good men out there. There are also a lot of bad ones. Same goes with women. When did I say that women were never responsible for abuse or that all women were good?

    You sure do jump to a lot of conclusions about me.

  12. Finsalscollons,

    I’m sorry to say this, but if you think I’m a harcore feminist who thinks that women are good, men are bad, you’re wrong the whole way.
    There’s no use to prouve me the contrary. I’m offended that you jump to a lot of conclusions about me too. I’m also offended you start to offend the other readers of this blog.
    And please, the next time you make a comment, write it shorter.

  13. swissabel says:

    “I do believe on the other hand there are some women on this planet who can sleep with a man and feel nothing after the act, just like a man.”

    That generalization in the last part of your sentence is a bit harsh.

  14. Oh, I wasn’t really offended modobs, just a tad annoyed that what I was saying was taken so completely out of context and that all sorts of assumptions were made about me by someone who has never spoken to me. It doesn’t bother me that much though, because I understand what I’m saying, even if there are others who read other things into it that aren’t there.

    I think finsalscollons has his own past hurts that coloured his view of what I said.


  15. It’s Ok , Vanessa. I had to censor finsalcollons, and God I absolutely hate it, but it was definitely too long and too resentful.
    He won’t be back on this blog after such an argument, I’m afraid. I just wish him luck.

    And Swissabel, if I’m starting to derive into the judgment part, rather than the assessing one I’m trying to follow, don’t hesitate to tell me.

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