Sometimes, we leave our partner because we think he/ she
truly sucks isn’t right for us. Sometimes, we just leave because we think we don’t deserve him/her.
I remember reading an interview of Gwyneth Paltrow where she was saying she left Brad Pitt because at that time, she felt she wasn’t the right person for him.
This is the most glamourous example of self-loathing in a relationship. But in the life of common people, you can find a lot of examples like that. “When I met him, I thought he was the man of my life, he had everything I could wish for. But the problem wasn’t with him, but with me. I went through a severe depression at that time, and I did things I really regret now. I was convinced that my man didn’t deserve the mess I put him through, and that he would be happier with someone else, so I let him go” F., 34, explained. “I’m happy now he found the right person for him” she added.
Sometimes, this situation of self-loathing is just temporary and disappears as the person see the light at the end of the tunnel. “I had a huge problem of confidence for a long period of my life, but slowly, I started to gain confidence in myself thanks to a therapy and some success I had in my professional career. Before that, I systematically left my partners because I felt I didn’t deserve them. But since that click, I found my Mr. Right, and I wouldn’t want to leave him for anything” Y., 35, said.
Some people, on the other hand, haven’t resolved their problem of self-hatred and keep on leaving their partner because of that. Or put themselves in disastrous relationships with a partner worse than them. C., 34, admits she has a problem of confidence, and believes she isn’t worth it. Because of that, she collects disastrous relationships. She had been with a guy who committed suicide, a convict, an abusive personality, a married man who had a heavy turnover of mistresses, …
It’s obvious that to love someone, you have to love yourself first. But those people with problem of self-loathing had a huge quality: honesty and caring for the other. Some people aren’t that honest and altruist, and involve their partner into their downward spiral.
What do you think about that ?