broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, women

The easy way out

Leaving is always easier than to be left behind, but sometimes, when you leave someone, you just feel like a monster or a cold-hearted bitch. This happens especially when your partner struggles with a problem like bankrupcy, depression, anorexia/bulimia, alcoholism,…

Usually, doctors say the love of their entourage helps those who are affected by a mental disease or problems with alcohol. So, when you break up with that person because you can’t deal with his/her problem anymore, remorse isn’t far away.  “When I met her, she was at the top of her game as an athlete. But she started to have eating disorders and life with her just became impossible. I left her in the worst moment of her life, but I couldn’t take it anymore.  The problem was that I felt like a monster after the break up and I wanted to make sure she was OK and could face up her problem. But it poisoned every relationship I had just after her, until she found a new man”  S., 34, said.

Usually, the people who face this situation have this in common: their partner just developed a particular problem a few months or years after the beginning of their relationship, and they feel their partner isn’t the one they were in love anymore.  V. ,43,  fell in love with her husband at at time where he was  reknown and well  respected in his profession. But his situation started to change gradually to the point where he was persona non grata at work. “He used to go out a lot, and started to have a problem with alcohol. He became violent and mythomaniac with me. I had no choice but to leave him, even if we have kids together who thought I was evil to leave their dad and to prevent them to see him. I couldn’t trust him anymore” she explained. “It was and still is really hard for me to deal with this”  she added.

It’s also difficult when his/her entourage judges you for leaving your partner in the worst moment of his/her life.  “She became depressive, and tried to commit suicide several times. I wanted to broke with her, but each time she begged me not to leave her, or she would try again to kill herself. One day, I had enough and called it quits with her. I received a phone call from her parents three days after, insulting me for letting  down their daughter. Each time I met one of her friends or a member of her family, I felt like I was judged like a monster. But curiously, the break up helped her to get a grip, and she began to feel better just a few months after the separation” T., 37, told me.  

If we really love the person who’s going through tough problems, we shouldn’t let him/her down, don’t we ? If the love of your life had a problem like that, would you leave him/her? “I didn’t really love her. I realized it too late” S. explained. “She wasn’t the woman I expected. I didn’t see a future with her” T. said.

But if the problem starts to threaten your safety, this changes everything.

What do you think ?


9 thoughts on “The easy way out

  1. wolfcub says:

    If your partner can’t stay around when some bad stuff goes down, then they don’t love you enough! So the two of you are better off finding new partners …

  2. You’re right, Wolfcub. But it’s always a delicate issue: how couldn’t you feel like a monster when you leave someone in the worst period of his life ?

  3. I know this guy who was about to divorce his wife in favor of his mistress, but before that could even happen, he found out that his wife was stricken with cancer. He ended up not divorcing her, even if he doesn’t love her anymore. He just stayed because of pity , but is still secretly seeing his mistress.

    If you are the wife and you find out your husband is just there out of pity for your situation, would you be consoled? I won’t! I think that the only reason why two people should stay together is because of love. Of course, that may not be practical all the time.

  4. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who have pity on me, April. But I’ve met some couples with this kind of dynamic, and it’s so sad.

  5. Well You are absolutely correct modobs…I am really impress the way you present the post. it always happen when you do really fall in love. And its always hard to stay away from them when they feel down…anyways but life is life…it goes on and on….great post…I love it 🙂

    Samiha Esha 🙂

  6. If you really love your partner, you can’t leave him/ her during the harshest times of his/her life. But it’s never easy, Sameha Esha. I’m glad you love this post. Thanks 🙂

  7. Maybe orthodox or non-pragmatic, but I am a kind of person who believes that true love happens just once. Once in a commitment, your life ceases to be “I” and becomes “We”. There is no question of leaving your partner whatever the circumstance be. Ups and downs are part of life, facing them togather instead of staying away becomes a conscience that comes naturally in true love.

    Just my take, I am too loyal and I expect it in return 🙂

  8. That’s probably why I kept myself away from any relationship. If I feel that a person has the potential to betray me, I just know he is not made for me. I simply cannot stand betrayers, they are such morons…all my hate is made for them 🙂

    But then even if I am afraid of a heartbreak, I am finding myself getting close to someone. And I know, if we get into a commitment, he will be another rare species in the genre of loyality 🙂

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