In The Unbearable lightness of being, Milan Kundera described the importance of being the center of attention of different people. According to him, some people like the principal character Tereza only exists through the eyes of her lover, Tomas, whereas others focus on their family’s attention, and others the vast number of the population’s attention.
This author is probably right, since I have the feeling I only exist through my man’s eyes, and that nothing else matters. I’ve always felt a bit like Tereza (except that I could never stand having a Tomas).
When I was in high school, many of the female teenagers were fighting to be the queen of the hive. They used to have a court of admirers, those guys who wanted to date them and who had the hope that someday, they will get to their goal. Some of those girls just flirted with them, but never made them officially their boyfriends, while other chose a different option and turned into the slut category because of that.
Now that we’ve grown up, I notice that some women still need to be the center of the men’s attention. B., 30, told me she has a court. “I admit this has nothing to do with the court of admirers I had when I was a teenager. I’m surrounded by men, and I’m the only woman of the group. They have a special treatment for me, I feel like their counterpart, but also privileged” she said. “I would be jealous if there was another woman in the group, but unfortunately, I know that sooner or later, each guy will get married and that the group will dissolve” she added.
This attitude can cause you many troubles in your love life, if you’re too much focusing on maintaining your hive. T., 32, told me her love life really sucked because of that. “Being the center of the attention had its reverse. I couldn’t date a guy because I felt I needed more attention than one person could give me. Every relationship I had was a total failure. And I was so jealous when every of my male friends dated another woman” she recalls.
H., 31, explained this is the reason why she is unfaithful and has three different partners who don’t know the existence of each other. “I really feel loved by the three of them. I know it’s selfish, but I can’t imagine being the wife of only one person” she told me.
Besides, some men act the same with women. I recently read a portrait of a famous French chef, who has two wives (one unofficial). He lives part of the time with one, part of the time with the other. And the two women are perfectly fine with this.
D., 34, has many female friends, and some of them are his fuck buddies. He told me he cannot imagine being involved in a single relationship, that’s impossible for him. ” I cannot dedicate myself to just one person. It’s just that I need to be the center of the attention of many people, including being the center of the attention of several lovers” he said. “I wouldn’t want them to be involved in another relationship than me” he added.
If you were given the occasion, would like to be the queen of the hive (or the king of the jungle, for the men) like that? And would you bear being one of the admirers?