broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Sooner or later…

you’re gonna hate it.

Living together with your partner can be challenging. For some women, it’s a piece of cake. But for others, well, it can turn into a nightmare. Some couples even refuse to live together, because they fear their passion would fade away, like in the book Belle du Seigneur.

Most of my friends who moved in with their partners agree however on one thing: the most difficult part of living together is the first months of cohabitation. After that, you enter a new phase for your couple,”where all the mystery is gone“, where everything goes more or less smooth. “There’s a kind of routine that has installed itself in your relationship. You split the household chores in two and you try to stick to it. Of course, tensions come always from these,  if one of the partners is lazy” says one of my friends.

Many of the single persons I’ve met told me that the household chores are one thing they can’t stand in the cohabitation. “I cannot see myself cooking for the two of us, ironing his shirts, cleaning the house, be a perfect Bree Van De Kamp” says Y., 31. “I lived before with my ex, but I couldn’t stand anymore him inviting his friends all over, then having to clean the mess after them. I felt like a domestic, and I hate this” declared I., 34.

For sure, living with your partner can be quite challenging, especially if you don’t share some common points like for example the love of organization and tidying. P., 35, confesses she’s untidy (I can’t blame her for this) while her husband is a real maniac of organization. “Everything has its own place in the house. We often fight or I must say he often yells at me because I let things all over the place. And it always ends up like this: I finish to clean my mess ,at least, I hide things out of his sight”  she told me.   

Then, there’s the cooking and cleaning. Another hurdles… What do you do when you’re a really bad cook? “Luckily for me, my man knows how to cook. I can’t cook anything, even fried eggs. I managed to burn them the last time I tried” K., 34, explains. “It’s not that I don’t cook. It’s just that cooking for me is making cakes and cookies, and nothing else, a bit like Izzie in Grey’s anatomy”A., 29, said. “We go often to the restaurant, and he tries to cook ” replies L., 34.

Then, the cleaning part. “I had the horrible feeling I became like a domestic for him, always cleaning his mess. One day, I had enough, and I threatened to leave him if he doesn’t hire a cleaning lady. And he did” J., 30, said. “I’m the one who cleans the house, but he’s the one who criticizes everything I do. He’s the first to notice every detail of dirt I forget, and it gets me mad. So, when it happens, I just leave him finishing the job – after a huge fight”K., 34, explains.

The word “compromise” is really helpful when you live with your partner. It helps you dealing with the charges that go hand in hand with cohabitation. However, each partner must try to give a hand to get a balance. If one of the two doesn’t do everything while the other does, that’s where the war begins. “He didn’t lift a finger for me. I work hard, I take care of all the household chores, and he wasn’t grateful at all for all of this. He used to be unemployed and hang everyday at home in his pyjama. When I came late from work, I just found all the mess he left during the day, and the first thing he said to me when I came home was” What are we going to eat tonight?” I couldn’t take it anymore and told him to leave the apartment” T. 39, said.

Do you think living with your partner is (sometimes) difficult? And why?


6 thoughts on “Sooner or later…

  1. I’ve never been married and never lived with anyone. But ever since high school, I planted this idea in my head that if ever I live with someone (in marriage or otherwise), I’d want my own room with my own bed to sleep in and a place for all my stuff, that way several things would be solved:

    1. The slow fade of mystery
    2. Fighting over tidiness, or lack thereof
    3. Privacy (the need to keep some things to oneself)

    I thought men would welcome this idea but, out of all the men I got involved with, only one took it well (he’s a 49-year-old bachelor, that’s why) and the rest refused to even consider it.

    I’m not sure if it was him but I think W. Churchill once said the secret to his marriage’s success is separate rooms. I think it’s a really good idea.

  2. I see another reason for wanting a separate bedroom with your partner, Liz : snoring. If you’re with someone who snores a lot, it is legitimate to ask for a separate bedroom 😀 Even Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise do it, because little Tom snores and Katie can’t get her beauty sleep.
    But W.Churchill maybe right.
    Besides, there are other ways to preserve your mystery, I think. And privacy too, even if you share the same bedroom. The key is to have a separate bathroom from him, so he doesn’t see the tons of products we use to resemble more or less to a woman 😉

  3. Oh, snoring is the best reason for separate rooms. Maybe I should look for a man who snores so I can justify having my own bed. LOL! :mrgreen:

  4. lovetips4all says:

    well, I know of a case where the one who doesn’t snore gets to stay in the bigger, master bedroom. But personaly, I would feel strange to sleep in different bedrooms, even separate beds, if I was married or living with someone.

  5. Snoring is indeed a big problem, but some women still manage to sleep with their snoring husband thanks maybe to earplugs 😀
    I need to have my man’s presence next to me when I’m sleeping. I’ve noticed I really can’t sleep well if he’s not around. It’s a personal choice for everyone, Eleanor.

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