Today is a blog day against any kind of abuses. I thought it would be a better idea to let the goddess that is Tori Amos expresses her feelings about this.
Today is a blog day against any kind of abuses. I thought it would be a better idea to let the goddess that is Tori Amos expresses her feelings about this.
D., my beloved colleague, told me once about his encounter with one of our country’s ministers, who’s famous on the internet for his alcoholic behavior. Apparently, this guy is not only a notorious alcoholic but also a ladykiller. He just tries to seduce every single female journalist that comes to interview him, and as D. said, he pretends to be the king of the oral sex.
So, in D.’s sick mind, this politician attracts women like honey to a bear because “women love alcoholics“. Idiot. Obviously, this douche doesn’t understand a single thing about women’s psychology.
This is why he got it wrong:
Alcoholics attract other alcoholics. That’s a universal principle. Of course, there are exceptions. But as a non alcoholic woman, I would never pick an alcoholic guy if I had to choose. This is a total turn off for me, like drugs or stupidity. Two of my colleagues had fallen in love with men who had a big problem with alcohol, but at the start of their relationships, this aspect wasn’t obvious at all. The first one developed this problem years after the relationship began. He got fired from his job and started to drink to drown his sorrow. The second one was known to drink a lot, but this evolved into a problem years after the relationship started too. My two colleagues left them when things got worse with their alcoholic husband.
G., 32, dated an alcoholic because she thought “she could save him”. But according to her friends, G. is convinced she has a mission of saving her partners, because when you look at her past conquests, the list involves an ex-convict, a junkie, an alcoholic and an illegal immigrant.
So, here’s the 5 cents question of the day, are you attracted to alcoholics? Or does it turn you off?
A spiritual topic for a change 😉
Recently, a friend of mine complained about her boobs. She said her big tits only attract the same category of men and that the ones she really likes just think she’s dumb because it is well known, big lungs ladies have nothing in the brain (cough, cough). “It’s always the same men that dare to approach me: idiots obsessed with big boobs. The other men just think I’m shallow or are just too intimidated by me, or must I say, my boobs”she said. “This even brings me some problems at work, because I can hear the numerous jokes men are making behind my back” she added.
Women are never satisfied with their boobs. When these are small, they want bigger ones, and when those are big, they want smaller ones. Many use plastic surgery to reduce or increase their size cups. And the others, well, they try to live with what they got. Some are even proud of what they got. “I love my big boobs, I always feel proud when I see myself in the mirror when I try a dress in the fitting room. On many occasion, I picked the same dress than the anorexic girl who barely fill her size zero, and I love to see how the dress turns on me, while it seems too large for the other girl. It’s better when you can fill your cleavage”A., 40, said. “Women envy my small breasts because they say it gives a halo of mystery with men. They must have reason. I’ve always attracted the most sensible, intelligent and educated men. They told me they were attracted to my mystery, although I have the sense I have as much mystery as an oyster” admitted J., 30.
By chances, men’s preferences on this matter vary a lot from one another. Some like small breasts, while other like big ones. But as my friend says, “the size of their brain is inversely proportional to the size of our breasts” (but she’s bitter about this).
And besides, this kind of appreciation depends a lot on our culture. In French, there’s a proverb that says the perfect woman’s breasts should fit into a glass of champagne (not the flute, mind you). In other cultures, it’s a different story.
So, what do you prefer? A woman like Catherine Zeta-Jones, Sophie Marceau or Keira Knightley?
I’ve been awarded “The Nice Matters Awards” by WishBoNe. Thank you, Sweetie!
This award is for “those that are just nice people, good blog friends, and those that inspire good feelings and inspiration! Those that care about others, that are there to lend support, or those that are just a positive influence in our blogging world!”.
And since it’s a tag, I have to share this with seven other bloggers.
Love shouldn’t be a heavy feeling. When you’re in love, you shouldn’t suffer, but just appreciate the beauty of life. Wisdom would advice you to leave a lover who treats you very badly. Some people just follow their reason and prevent themselves from a downward spiral that leaves indelible marks on those who went through it. Those who can’t listen to their reason undergo the rollercoaster of feelings caused by a lover who doesn’t love you the right way.
Even if your bad lover doesn’t inflict you physical damages, the mental torture you go through can be qualified as an abuse. Because when the relationship is over, you feel the same post traumatic syndromes than a person who’s been raped or beaten: anxiety, self-depreciation, fear, lack of sleep and appetite, nightmares, … often accompanied with a dependence on drugs or alcohol.
“I had a five years relationship with a guy who just came in and out of my life whenever he felt like it. I felt one day like I was in heaven and the next day in the second circle of hell. I knew this relationship kept on devastating me, but I couldn’t leave him and hang on this painful experience. When the relationship ended, I went under a severe depression accompanied by a dependance on alcohol” explains a recovering A., 34.
“He kept on humiliating me when we were in public, couldn’t care much about me when we were at home, too busy watching football with his mates. He treated me like his animal. Even his dog received a better treatment than I got. But each time I tried to leave him, he just told me how much he loved me and that he couldn’t live without me. I felt culpability each time for having such thoughts, and just stayed. I didn’t know what to do with him. I feared him, but I loved him too. I was constantly torn between my love for him and the fact I couldn’t bear this situation anymore. I finally found the courage to leave him for good, but I had a hard time recovering after this relationship. I couldn’t go out, I felt nothing, I was constantly crying, I couldn’t sleep, I felt useless. I had to undergo a therapy to get better” said H., 35.
“There was a look in his eyes that indicated me he was going to burst and shout at me. Nothing I did was good for him. He kept on telling how miserable I was. He never hit me, but I felt like I was each time he got mad at me. But sometimes, he could show me some affection and told me the exact opposite of what he said just one day ago. I didn’t know on what foot to dance with him. I lost all my confidence, because I was convinced I was a total zero and that nobody would love me like he did. I thought I just deserved all this, that he had reason. But one day, he got a terrible car accident and didn’t survive. I went to a severe depression after that, tried to commit suicide, but I’m starting now to win back a little of self-confidence” G.,32.
How can we fall into such a bad relationship? All the women I met who went into such a painful experience had a low self -esteem. Some even told me they felt grateful he picked them, because nobody cared about them. It took them a lot of courage to get out of this situation. Do you have experienced such a terrible relationship? Personally, I haven’t. And I don’t wish this to my worst enemy.
I’m too tired/sleepy to write a post today, so I leave you with Maynard until inspiration is back.
We aren’t always lucky in love. In fact, some people encounter once (or more) a situation where they made a complete fool of themselves because they fell in love with a person that just played games with their heart. It goes from the classic example of the mistress whose lover promised he would sooner or later leave his wife, but never did, to the woman who just got dumped when she learned she was pregnant for her best friend (yep). I don’t say it’s a problem specific to women. Men too can get fooled. But since I have many examples on the female side, I will continue on a woman’s perspective.
“I spent seven years with a guy who just hid the fact he was gay. I discovered everything one day because I went to a gay club with my friends and I saw him there holding and kissing another guy” explained S., 34.
“Just hours after his wife got out of the maternity with their newborn, he called me to ask if I was available. He had been ignoring me during the whole pregnancy of his wife, and all of a sudden, he reminded about me. He told me he was going to be deprived from sex during the next 6 months because women always privilege their newborn over their man when they just give birth” says A., 32.
“When we met for the first time, he was absolutely charming. I thought I had found the one, until one day, his wife was waiting for me in the parking lot of my office and threatened to kill me” K., 35.
“He just came knocking on my door late in the evening just to have sex, but never stayed after the act. I thought he had a problem with intimacy, so I just accepted this situation. One day, I received a letter from him telling me he was going to marry the woman of his life (not me) and that he couldn’t be happier” S., 29.
“We met through a dating site, but six months after we got together, one of my friends told me she discovered a guy with a very similar profile to my man, and it turned out it was him” L., 40.
“He destroyed my wedding by showing at the ceremony and got me annulled my marriage. Three months later, he dumped me for another of his exes” G., 37.
“He was chasing me during a whole year. When I eventually yielded to his advances, he told me he needed time to think about “us” and just disappeared into nature”H.,34.
“I just introduced him to my parents on Christmas Day, and became all of a sudden an ass with me. He just called me by another name when we made love, yell at me all the time in public. Finally, he dumped me”J., 30.
“He refused to meet my friends, but imposed his mates all the time at home. I was feeling just like a cleaning lady trapped in his house. I couldn’t go out without telling him where I was going, but he never told me where he was going and was mad at me if I dared to ask him. It turned out he had a turnover of three other mistresses he was seeing alternatively” T., 34.
“He spent his life hanging on his cell phone sending SMS to his “boss” and got mad at me because I asked him to care a little bit about me. I discovered everything when I heard a woman I knew discussing with her girlfriend about this married man who sent her all the time SMS while his stupid wife was too busy taking care of their young child, called Emily. My daughter is called Emily” Y., 34.
“He refused to recognise our child, saying he wasn’t his. But I was faithful to him, while he cheated on me numerous times” M., 42.
This list can be never ending. Generally, after such a dramatic experience, you tend to be more suspicious with your next partner(s). But some people keep on repeating the same mistake again, for a reason.
Have you ever played a fool like that? Personally, I have. You have read recently the last time I played the fool for someone else, even though I feel nothing in particular for this guy. Even in friendships, you can get fooled.
As a (still) young woman, I’m not often taken seriously in my work. I see people look at me as if I was just pretty, but stupid. Luckily for me, I’ve always managed to prove them wrong. But recently, I heard the journalist rumored to be gay talking shit behind my back. It hurts, I must admit. I feel like a complete fool with him, because I tried to help him overcome a rough professional period in his career (he’s in a open-conflict with his boss). And this is how he just thanked me. I just decided to stop talking to him anymore, he doesn’t deserve this anyway. Loser.
It is really tiring to demonstrate I’m not just a pretty face around me, especially since I work in the macho financial world. But I’ve got the feeling I would always be judged by my appearance only, no matter how competent I am. Lately, this has really turned me down, and I have a problem finding motivation again. The incident with the presumed gay journalist isn’t helping my mood. I know I don’t talk a lot and keep the mystery around me, but he’s judging me on personal criteria, or stereotypes. He must be thinking I listen to crap pop music and read only gossip magazines (because I make a lot of bad jokes about Britney Spears). Lately, he was speaking with another journalist about Luciano Pavarotti’s death, and just shut up all of a sudden when I joined their conversation. He looked at me like if I didn’t know who Pavarotti was. How could I know, if I listen only to crap pop music (Opera isn’t my cup of tea either, but I studied music history when I was younger). When I first talked to him, he was just mentioning tons and tons of stereotypes about the Jews, women (who can’t drive and read a map), Swedish women (who are easy women), but I tried to believe one of my other colleagues that I really like who defended him. I should have stayed far away from him.
So D., if you ever read this, FUCK YOU (in the ass), douche.
And since I’m the queen of the fools, I should deserve a crown. Here it is.
… Like you want to be held
There’s a stupid postulate saying that men reach their sexual peak at 18 while women reach it at their thirties. I don’t know if the first part of this sentence is true, since all the testimonies I got from those who did it at that age don’t go that way. But for the second part of this, there must be a part of truth.
At that age, most of women are fully aware of their sexual potential. I don’ t say that you couldn’t be that aware earlier. I still remember when I was in high school how some girls already showed their sexual confidence to the rest of us. It depends on your experience. But at 18 and under, we are still heavily influenced by our education. if women come from a very conservative background, chances are they wouldn’t be so adventurous in bed or demanding. At that age, I remember the conversations I had with my friends on this hot topic. We talked with horror about things like oral or anal sex, threesome, sex gadgets,… Now, this has changed a bit. There are some things that are still taboo, but some others aren’t anymore.
Of course, I always suspect some women to be just pretentious about their sex life, while other ones prefer to keep it mum. But apparently, there’s a hormone developing in our brain in our thirties that make us more demanding and more experimenting. That period also coincides with our biological clock running, this would explain that.
I also believe in the influence of our sexual partners. If we’ve had boring partners so far, sexual intercourses can be seen as boring. On the other hand, if you had a good lover once (or more) in your life, that’s another story. Our experience gives us the confidence and ability to let it go in bed (or not). And at 30 and over, you should count more lovers or just more practical experiences than when you were 18.
But this doesn’t mean we could accept anything from our partner, in particular if he insists too much to do certain things we don’t want.
Does this mean if you are a terrible lover (or your lover just thinks so), things will improve with the age? Personally, I hope so.
One of my single friends, who just got passed her 30th birthday, always complains about her mother because she keeps on telling her to rush for getting married.”She was desperate I didn’t find the man of my life when I was in College, because she said it was the best place to find love, and after that it becomes incredibly difficult for a woman to find the right one” my friend says.
Her mother maybe right after all. When I look at my single friends or just the single women I know, I just notice how hard it is for them to find the one, or even just a lover they can get along. They have many options to find the one: going out, surfing on internet dating sites, speed-dating, blind dates, or even at work. Nevertheless, some of them always end up alone.
Why do we have a better chance to have a stable relationship with the one we met in College? That’s a tough question. At that period of your life, you’re still naive about certain things and not (yet) bitter about life. Most of the people around are still single (but not for long) , and the truth is I saw many of those couples marrying at the end of their studies, and those who didn’t find the shoes that fit their feet in College are still, for the most of them, single now.
Things are slowly evolving right now. With the people divorcing at a younger age than before and those who put work before anything else, I see many couples forming at the office and some of them even end up in a marriage. But this is mostly true if you work for a big company with a fair representation of both sexes. “ I work in a PR company where most of my colleagues are women, and the only one who’s a man is our old boss who is everything but appealling. I have zero chances to find love at work, even if I meet sometimes handsome clients. Most of the time, they’re married or not interested” confesses A.,34. “I work as an independent nurse, and the only men I meet are either old enough to be my grandfather or young with a let’s say embarrassing problem that I don’t want to share” explains N., 29.
If you don’t have the option of your office, it becomes difficult. Dating sites don’t work necessarily because the people there are not honest all the time with you. Clubs, bars, single holidays resorts aren’t a good option either if you’re not physically gifted. And even if you are, chances are the relationship wouldn’t last.
Besides, when you grow old, you become more and more difficult because you develop your own habits that are hard to break. The bachelors and spinsters who have been single for a long time find it difficult to live with their newfound love. “I was single for a period of three long years where I got used to live alone. When I moved in my man’s apartment, at the beginning, we were always fighting because I had a problem sharing my life with another person. But now, I finally accepted him” G., 35, said.
If you are (or were) single right now, what is the better place for finding the love of your life? Or do you believe in pure randomness?