In the French language, there’s an expression that sums up every kind of relationship: “On ne peut pas avoir le beurre et l’argent du beurre” which translates roughly in “you can’t have your cake and eat it too“. In other words, there are two variables in a relationship you can’t have at the same time: good sex and a deep affective bond/connection with your partner. If you have both, then consider you’re really, really lucky.
Among the different sexual partners we can have during our lifetime, some of them stand out as good lover, while other suck miserably in bed. And curiously, we can get along like cats and dogs with the first category, and desperately fall in love with the second.
“Things started really quickly with J. We slept together on the first night, and there was a huge attraction between us. I thought about him all the time. All I wanted was to lay in bed with him. But we didn’t get along at all in the every day life. We were so different. We fought all the time, and one day, he had enough and just left me. He was the best lover I ever had” K., 40, explained. “I had other lovers after him who can’t stand the comparison with him, but with some of them, I had a better affective connection. My husband now isn’t a terrible lover, I know he would never be like my ex. But we have a deep bond between us, and it goes far beyond the sex. That’s what matters to me now”she added.
“My best lover wouldn’t want to be exclusive to me, and I knew he was seeing other people at the time we were together. I knew from the beginning this relationship was ill-fated, but I couldn’t pass the occasion of sleeping with him”L. 38, said. “I’ve been married for seven years now, My sex life has dramatically changed since then. I can say I’m bored sometimes. There are periods where I don’t want to have sex. There are a lot of ups and downs” she added.
“I had many partners in the past, but never fell in love with them. Until I met my husband. But he is terrible in bed, unfortunately. Luckily, I feel I have grown up and don’t attach too much importance to that. I just love being with him, he’s my everything” I., 35, said.
Of course, if you had multiple (or just a few) partners, you can have a point of comparison. For those who married their only sweetheart, that’s a different story. Besides, I do believe it is possible to improve a bad lover. It’s never possible to improve a good lover that acts like an ass with you, on the other hand.
So, here’s the 5 cents question of the day: what would you choose between the best lover ever or the caring and loving partner who is terrible in bed?