celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Waiting (Phase one)

One of my single friends, who just got passed her 30th birthday, always complains about her mother because she keeps on telling her to rush for getting married.”She was desperate I didn’t find the man of my life when I was in College, because she said it was the best place to find love, and after that it becomes incredibly difficult for a woman to find the right one” my friend says.

Her mother maybe right after all. When I look at my single friends or just the single women I know, I just notice how hard it is for them to find the one, or even just a lover they can get along. They have many options to find the one: going out, surfing on internet dating sites, speed-dating, blind dates, or even at work. Nevertheless, some of them always end up alone.

Why do we have a better chance to have a stable relationship with the one we met in College? That’s a tough question. At that period of your life, you’re still naive about certain things and not (yet) bitter about life. Most of the people around are still single (but not for long) , and the truth is I saw many of those couples marrying at the end of their studies, and those who didn’t find the shoes that fit their feet in College are still, for the most of them, single now.

Things are slowly evolving right now. With the people divorcing at a younger age than before and those who put work before anything else, I see many couples forming at the office and some of them even end up in a marriage. But this is mostly true if you work for a big company with a fair representation of both sexes. “ I work in a PR company where most of my colleagues are women, and the only one who’s a man is our old boss who is everything but appealling. I have zero chances to find love at work, even if I meet sometimes handsome clients. Most of the time, they’re married or not interested” confesses A.,34. “I work as an independent nurse, and the only men I meet are either old enough to be my grandfather or young with a let’s say embarrassing problem that I don’t want to share” explains N., 29.

If you don’t have the option of your office, it becomes difficult. Dating sites don’t work necessarily because the people there are not honest all the time with you. Clubs, bars, single holidays resorts aren’t a good option either if you’re not physically gifted. And even if you are, chances are the relationship wouldn’t last.

Besides, when you grow old, you become more and more difficult because you develop your own habits that are hard to break. The bachelors and spinsters who have been single for a long time find it difficult to live with their newfound love. “I was single for a period of three long years where I got used to live alone. When I moved in my man’s apartment, at the beginning, we were always fighting because I had a problem sharing my life with another person. But now, I finally accepted him” G., 35, said.

If you are (or were) single right now, what is the better place for finding the love of your life? Or do you believe in pure randomness?


6 thoughts on “Waiting (Phase one)

  1. whatigotsofar says:

    Whilst in college/university, you’re still young and not set in your ways. After you finish schooling, you’ve got into your own little way of doing things and are unwilling to change them for somebody else. Relationships are all about compromise. Once someone is in their late 20s, they’re not changing for anybody.
    Or maybe, these single people have always been stubborn and uncompromising from day one and that’s why they never found that someone in college.

    Or maybe they’re just like me, bitter and ugly.

  2. Perhaps one of the reasons why we are able to establish better relationships in college could be that we have not become bitter or disillusioned with how relationships are being taken for granted.

    I once believed in randomness but it was the randomness in college that hit it. Not at work.

    It became harder for me to look for The One after I started working. Most of the colleagues I encountered were either too old or married or getting married.

  3. You’re right about the will to compromise, Whatigotsofar. The more we grow old, the more we know what we want and don’t want in life, and sacrifices are harder to accept. However, it depends again on the personality of people.
    Curiously, the ones who were stubborn and uncompromising when I was in College all got hooked. I guess their partners were really willing to compromise for the both of them. I don’t explain that.
    Bitter and ugly? Again, it’s not an explanation. The uglyiest guy (and not kind) in my class is married now, while some of the female students, beautiful and brilliant, are still single today.

  4. Yes, WishBoNe, this is an explanation.
    It’s true that it’s difficult to find love at work because most of the men and women there are often married, engaged or already involved in a relationship. But it depends where you work 😉

  5. Raindreamer says:

    While in Collage or in my country Uni. there are a lot of people of your own age and you associate whit others in student catherings that are often cross-disiplinary. And you friends have got friends that are in the similar situation.

    When you start working people are usually of different ages and situations and also there is this thing about the best people been taken. But what does that tell about me?

  6. I don’t know, Raindreamer. I didn’t find my man in college, although I met him while I was a student. Both of us were back then in a different situation: he was already working, owning his apartment, while I was broke most of the time. But I guess I’m an exception.
    Besides, the worst people can be taken too at work. There are couples I don’t envy at all 😉

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