Love shouldn’t be a heavy feeling. When you’re in love, you shouldn’t suffer, but just appreciate the beauty of life. Wisdom would advice you to leave a lover who treats you very badly. Some people just follow their reason and prevent themselves from a downward spiral that leaves indelible marks on those who went through it. Those who can’t listen to their reason undergo the rollercoaster of feelings caused by a lover who doesn’t love you the right way.
Even if your bad lover doesn’t inflict you physical damages, the mental torture you go through can be qualified as an abuse. Because when the relationship is over, you feel the same post traumatic syndromes than a person who’s been raped or beaten: anxiety, self-depreciation, fear, lack of sleep and appetite, nightmares, … often accompanied with a dependence on drugs or alcohol.
“I had a five years relationship with a guy who just came in and out of my life whenever he felt like it. I felt one day like I was in heaven and the next day in the second circle of hell. I knew this relationship kept on devastating me, but I couldn’t leave him and hang on this painful experience. When the relationship ended, I went under a severe depression accompanied by a dependance on alcohol” explains a recovering A., 34.
“He kept on humiliating me when we were in public, couldn’t care much about me when we were at home, too busy watching football with his mates. He treated me like his animal. Even his dog received a better treatment than I got. But each time I tried to leave him, he just told me how much he loved me and that he couldn’t live without me. I felt culpability each time for having such thoughts, and just stayed. I didn’t know what to do with him. I feared him, but I loved him too. I was constantly torn between my love for him and the fact I couldn’t bear this situation anymore. I finally found the courage to leave him for good, but I had a hard time recovering after this relationship. I couldn’t go out, I felt nothing, I was constantly crying, I couldn’t sleep, I felt useless. I had to undergo a therapy to get better” said H., 35.
“There was a look in his eyes that indicated me he was going to burst and shout at me. Nothing I did was good for him. He kept on telling how miserable I was. He never hit me, but I felt like I was each time he got mad at me. But sometimes, he could show me some affection and told me the exact opposite of what he said just one day ago. I didn’t know on what foot to dance with him. I lost all my confidence, because I was convinced I was a total zero and that nobody would love me like he did. I thought I just deserved all this, that he had reason. But one day, he got a terrible car accident and didn’t survive. I went to a severe depression after that, tried to commit suicide, but I’m starting now to win back a little of self-confidence” G.,32.
How can we fall into such a bad relationship? All the women I met who went into such a painful experience had a low self -esteem. Some even told me they felt grateful he picked them, because nobody cared about them. It took them a lot of courage to get out of this situation. Do you have experienced such a terrible relationship? Personally, I haven’t. And I don’t wish this to my worst enemy.