life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

A small victory

I was waiting in the queue for the checkout at the supermarket the other day, and before me, there was this dad with his little cute-as-button daughter. As he left with his numerous packages, the woman behind me and the cashier (a female too), started to sigh at the view of this daddy smiling to his daughter. “There’s nothing sexier than a man who takes care of his child” said the woman behind me. “Twenty years ago, you wouldn’t see this very often” replied the cashier. “Before, the woman had to take care of the children  while the husband was earning his life, and if he had time, this wasn’t his priorities at all”  she added.

 The cashier made a point. Most of my friends told me about their childhood where they barely saw their father because he was too busy working, while their mum took care of the whole family. I was kind of an exception when I was a kid, with both parents working. My parents took care of my sister and I alternatively, whenever their schedule allowed it. Now, the situation has evolved because both members of the couples work (housewives are becoming more and more an exception). So, a scene like I saw at the supermarket isn’t rare anymore. At my office, more and more men are taking a part-time schedule to take care of their little children.

And I must admit there’s something sexy in a man able to look after his kid. This reminds me of an episode of Friends, where Joey used Ross’s son to seduce women. A good tactic, it seems… “I don’t know why, but  knowing he’s a good father is comforting me. A man who hates children for me is a real macho, the one who will let you do all the household chores and doesn’t lift a finger at home, the one who will shout at you because you’re disturbing him when he’s talking on the phone with his mates or when he’s watching a football game on the TV” says a friend of mine.

I’ve met women who told me the ability for a man to look after a child is becoming more and more a criteria for pursuing  or not a relationship. “I suffered a lot with my dad’s numerous absences when I was a kid, and I don’t want that for my child” explains T., 34. “I want children, and I want my man to be able to handle them, not just their procreator” M., 35.  “I dumped my ex because he didn’t seem to like kids, and I thought he would make a horrible father” L., 32, said.

Of course, this aspect only works with women wishing to have children. R., 34, told me she couldn’t care less about this ability in a man, because she doesn’t want children.

 Does a potential bad father turn you off? And for men reading this, will you be offended if a woman dumps you because you would make a terrible father?


8 thoughts on “A small victory

  1. no, i would not be offended if a woman dumps me because i would be a bad father. that seems to be an excellent litmus test to see how well a man can connect emotionally with others. if he cannot do so with his own children, i doubt he would be able to do so with anyone else, including the women in his life.

    however, how people behave in public with the eyes of others upon them is sometimes quite different from how they are in private when the doors are closed…

  2. if he cannot do so with his own children, i doubt he would be able to do so with anyone else, including the women in his life“, that’s true, drunk american.
    For the public/private behaviours, I’ve also noticed how some parents treat very kindly their children under the public eyes, but when no one is watching, they start to yell at their children even if the kids didn’t deserve this.It’s sad.

  3. whatigotsofar says:

    If I was going to be a bad father then I don’t think I would be too offended. Obviously I would be hurt a bit, but it would serve as a nice wake-up call for me to get my act together. But if the woman dumping me for not being good fatherhood material was herself, a poor excuse for a mother, then I would be quite offended. But on that note, if I wanted children, I would not want to be with a woman I felt would be a bad mother.

  4. whatigotsofar says:

    Are you actually offended by my comment or you just employing some sarcasm? I can never tell on this Internet thing.

  5. this also does not apply to parent-child relationships either. a friend of mine in law school seemed to have a perfect marriage. whenever the two of them went out together, they were so cuddley-wuddley… so affectionate. then they ended up divorced.

    i asked my friend why, and he told me that fought all the time. they may have looked like everything was happy when they went out together with friends, but on the car rides back home they would always be fighting. once she even waved a gun at him during an argument!

    so even relationships have this problem of having a different pubic persona from the private one behind closed doors…

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