life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, wacky, women

Living together

For some couples, living together is quite challenging. A friend of mine has been for 10 years with her man without sharing the same roof.  She simply refuses to live with him, after a disastrous experience when they were students and roommates back then. “We tried to live together during our studies, but it didn’t work. He was so untidy it was like a living nightmare to share the apartment together”  she said.

She’s not the only one to refuse to live with her partner. C., 35, lives separately from her husband because she’s convinced that “the routine is the worst enemy of your couple, and this comes with the cohabitation with your partner”.

Some people accept to live with the object of their affection, but go through many difficulties with the cohabitation.  Before we moved in our new house, the light of my life and I, the previous landlords had a big fight that ended in a divorce. Our neighbours explained to us she didn’t like at all living in the countryside and left him just three months after moving  in the house. She was also pregnant with their second child.

When I was a student, there was a couple down my building that just started living together, and they just fought all the time about everything. She complained she had to do all the household chores while he was mad at her because she kept on sorting his stuffs and he couldn’t find them anymore.

For the young couples, it’s hard to leave the comfort of their parents ‘ house to live together. It can be quite challenging, and that’s why my friend refuses to give her couple another try.  But for older couples, sometimes, it’s the long celibacy period before moving together that causes a problem. Sometimes, it’s just complete opposite characters that explains it all. If you’re maniac while he’s not, if you’re a couch potato while he’s very athletic, if you don’t like to go out while he can’t stand being stuck inside the house,… “I had enough of him because he spent his time at home doing nothing while I was working hard. And the only words he had for me when I got back home was a question about the time we would eat”K., 32, said. “He thought I was his cleaning lady” J., 34, explained.

It’s curious how the tensions caused by a cohabitation can lead to a break-up. I knew this couple who was truly in love with each other but waited to be married to live together. Six months after the wedding, they decided to call it quits because they couldn’t stand each other.

But when you fall in love with someone, nothing can tell you in advance how your cohabitation would be. Nothing? Well, there can be exceptions. For example, when you work in the same office than your partner/ love interest, you can tell he/she’s untidy or not by looking at his desk.  If he’s been named the most untidy person of your office, chances are his house/ apartment would be a mess too.

But still, you could be surprised when you decide to live together.

Have you ever break up because you couldn’t live with your partner?


8 thoughts on “Living together

  1. once my girlfriend broke up with me because we could not live together… that was when i spent five years in prison for murdering my next door neighbor by accident.

    just kidding!

    but it is very hard to live with someone. i tell younger kids that the easiest way to end a friendship is to become room mates in college…

  2. I damn near wanted to break up when we first started living together AND we were in the process of planning a wedding!

    It was ridiculous i moved right out of my parents house and in with him, if there was one thing i could have changed about our whole scenario was if i could have just lived on my own first then moved in with him, just to have that taste of independence. but in the end it did all work out because here we are, married 4 1/2 years and together for almost six years total and a beautiful daughters… and I’m pleased that things worked out the way they did and that initial arguing didnt end up ruining us.

    I will say that it is definitely important to be on your own first for at least a little while before sharing space with a spouse and wait at least a year or more of dating before living together.

  3. Raindreamer says:

    Yes, but also if one has lived alone too long one gets kind of selfish. I don’t know, how it would work living whit some one else…

  4. Alyssa, even if you had your independence before moving in with your husband, you wouldn’t have avoided the little fights at the beginning of your life under the same roof. As Raindreamer said, when you get used to live on your own, you become a little selfish, and this can causes trouble in your relationship when you decide to move in with your partner.

    Raindreamer, it’s part of the thrill of living with someone 😉

  5. Pingback: Couples » Living together

  6. I am a thirty-something single mother of a 15-year-old boy.

    Until June, I was involved in a four-year relationship (we cohabitated for three) that worked well for me and my boyfriend, but did not work for our kids. Though there was a lot of love and we tried to provide a family-like atmosphere, our house was still filled with drama because our kids were confused. I was so stressed out that I didn’t know what to do.

    I decided that cohabitation – especially with kids – is not the right thing to do for me. I bought a house alone and moved out. Now, I am at peace with my decision. Our relationship is not the same, but I believe that my son and his wellbeing is more important. If it is meant to be, we will be together:)

  7. Hi no Single Mama Drama,

    When kids come into the equation, cohabitation is even more difficult. You’re not the only one to have proceed like that for the wellbeing of your child. It’s great the consideration you have for your son.

    Thanks for stopping by.

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