blogging, broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, rant, sex, Those little things that kill us, thoughts, women

I’ve got you under my skin

In some european countries, there’s a huge debate again on abortion. Countries like France make it more and more difficult for women to abort because either the period where you could pretend to have such an intervention is short either more and more gyno simply refuse to do this, for ethical reasons or by religious choice. What a friend of mine, who’s an MD, told me about this phenomenon is quite astonishing. She said that it’s difficult for a gyno to see a woman coming in her/his office with such a request, because you cannot avoid judging her even if your profession urges you not to do so. She also explained that some women’s behaviour against birth control just makes her react. “I’ve seen some women who have already gone through abortion coming again in my office to ask me for another one. I have to tell them to be more careful with their contraceptive methods, but for some of them, you could already predict they will pay you a visit sooner or later again because they didn’t take too much precaution when having sex” she said.

Abortion is one consequence of not protecting yourself when you have sex (with a condom, of course), but not using that little piece of rubber has also other terrible aftermaths. Curing AIDS is now well developed, but you can’t heal from this disease yet. And there are also a lot of STDs around like hepatite, herpes,… I’m simply appalled to know there are so many contraceptive methods on the market, but not used as much as they should.

I’ll make a clear distinction here between birth control and avoiding STDs. The pill, patch, vaginal ring belong to the category of hormonal methods. It protects you from having a baby, but not against STDs. Cervical barriers don’t either. Condoms (male and female) do. You only use the first and second category when you know that your partner (and you) are HIV negative. When you meet for the first time in bed, condoms should always be in the party.

But when you ask people why they don’t follow these simple rules, it’s just appalling. “I just got caught up in the heat of the action. Asking him if he had a condom with him was like interrupting the moment” said a lucky lady who didn’t catch (yet) an STD. “I just forgot in the heat of the action” K.,30, said. “I always hesitate to ask him about that”L., 32, said. “I feel like a slut if I ask about that” P.,28, said.

And gentlemen, you’re also responsible. I’ll take my personal example for a change on this. Most of my exes ( I don’t have many, mind you) asked me if I took the pill the first time we got intimate. And I know I’m not the only one in that case. “He just felt relieved when I told him I took the pill” explained L.,31. “He got mad at me because I didn’t take the pill. But I had been for a long time single, and I didn’t need to take any contraceptive methods during this long period” O., 30, said.

It’s difficult to tell the guy you really like to put a condom on. But if he refuses, you shouldn’t yield to his pressure. But if you’re suicidal, or just live for danger, then go for it.

So, is a sexual partner refusing to use a protection like condoms a total turn off for you?


20 thoughts on “I’ve got you under my skin

  1. whatigotsofar says:

    Having to stop to put on a rubber can be a moodkill, but, BUT, having to stop to feed or change a crying baby is more of a moodkill. Having to stop because the constant annoyance of crabs is a pretty big moodkill too. In fact, putting on a rubber is less of a moodkill than most things. Unfortunetly, rubbers aren’t perfect, keeping your pants on, is.

  2. Shae says:

    I understand that putting a rubber on is a mood kill, but it doesn’t take that long to put one on either. At any rate, abstinence is the best way to go if anything if you’re not ready to have the responsibilities of being parents yet or catching STD’s or whatever diseases are out there.

  3. dontdatethatdude says:

    I have not had that many sexual partners, but the ones I did have would rather get a bloodtest than use a condom, complaining that they have a lack of sensation with this method, but diligence is the key here, or suffer the consequences you mentioned above. I think it is a mood kill and would prefer not having to use one, but what are the options? Re: heat of the moment, probably a good idea to get to know the person b4 getting hot and bothered and in this way you can discuss BC and STD’s with a potential partner….

  4. The Last Spartan says:

    dontdatethatdude, a blood test can be falsely negative. The time to seroconverting for HIV is not short.

    On to the issue at hand here, I understand where your MD friend is coming from. There are many women out there who use abortion as contraception. It’s enough to make you sick.

    For those of us who have experience with college health, I will tell you that Sunday morning phone calls are either about “drunks in the ER” or the ever-growing “the condom-broke” calls requesting Plan B.

    Using post-conception methods as contraception is sickening.

    I hate wearing rubbers but I know that another kid in my life is just something I cannot do right now. If you can’t deal with having a kid, then I’d suggest a contraceptive. If you can’t trust your man or woman to respect you enough to use a condom when it’s the right thing to do then that really does beg the question of how much respect you have for yourself.

    Love yourself enough to live. I work with a LOT of HIV+ patients. Don’t think for a minute that the fact that they are living longer means that the quality of their health is that good.
    Just my .02

  5. DDTD: Last Spartan has it right on this matter. A blood test can be falsely negative. And you cannot trust enough your partner on STD. Rubber is a mood kill, but it doesn’t take that long to put it on. And now, they develop rubbers that make the pleasure last longer.

    Last Spartan, it’s true that some women use abortion as a contraceptive, and it’s sickening. Even if I’m not a pro-life, I think these kinds of women should keep their baby.
    And for HIV+ patients, you’re right, it’s not because they can live longer that the quality of their health is good.
    I also remember my days back in college where once a year, there was a special event on the campus where you could find students literally getting laid everywhere they can. And the morning after, the girls were massively queuing in the ER unit for the abortive pill.

  6. The Last Spartan says:

    Damn…what college is THIS?! And more importantly WHY didn’t anyone tell me this went on?! 😉

  7. Oh, every college in my country has these kind of events. And it’s still going on. You were probably in the wrong country for this 😉

  8. whoknowswhy says:

    I haven’t been with a lot of people but every time I’ve insisted on using protection. As a guy, it’s my responsibility to have it.

    The only thing I don’t know how to do right is to ask/find out if a girl is clean, when I’m contemplating oral sex. Dental dams aren’t as popular as condoms yet. And there’s always the risk that your question will be taken in the wrong sense.

  9. a very important post…

    and women should never trust a man to simply “pull out”… just look at george bush and iraq.

    but condoms are not a panacea for stds. some stds can be spread through oral sex and even kissing, such as herpes.

    trust and due diligence are important aspects of being intimate with another…

  10. whoknowswhy, you’re a good boy! For sure, oral sex is still a problem in this equation, as you said, dental dams aren’t as popular as condom yet. Maybe there’s a solution, wait until the HIV test to be completed. Sometimes, it’s worth to wait a while…

    drunk american, thank you! I love that comparison with George Bush and Iraq. I know that condoms don’t protect you from every disease out there. But a least, it’s better than putting nothing at all.

  11. so about your college days… did you participate in those “special events” on your campus? because i think that would be a really interesting blog post you could write about 🙂

  12. The Last Spartan says:

    DDTD, good boy.

    Take responsibility for your own health. I’m sorry I don’t have a good answer for you but I would offer the sage admonition of the late comedian Sam Kinison: “If you don’t trust the pussy, then why are you ****ing the pussy?”.

    Seriously though, there is no suave way of breaking into a sexual history interview. There is a level of trust. There is a level of risk. I would offer to you that if you care enough about your own health and things that don’t go away with 2 million units of penicillin shot into your butt cheek…you’ll just ask. I think that any woman who is offended by you being responsible doesn’t deserve any intimacy with you.

    Well done young man,

  13. Pingback: Condoms: The Problem Solver « Drunken Dialogue

  14. I think it’s interesting that someone would say “I feel like such a slut if I ask him to put on a condom.” I’d feel like a slut if I didn’t! I do know lots of guys who feel so much better knowing that a girl is on the pill, but I also have known girls who lie about being on the pill. Trust is such a large part of having sex but few people want to explore trust and a person’s history before exploring their partner’s voracity in bed.

  15. We have our own definition on what is a slut, Roxy. Our education plays an important role in our sexual life, and if you come from a conservative background, then, the condom would be associated with lust. The girls who lie about being on the pill just don’t want to disappoint or make their partner run away, it’s sad. And it’s true, when it comes to sex, very few people can wait.
    Thanks for stopping by!

  16. You don’t really need or want that lifestyle, it might hurt y’all slowly more…….Just tell him you
    don’t wanna repeat something your not too proud of z7uas.

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