Maureen Dowd, the famous columnist of the NY Times, said that a woman loses her seduction once you know who she’s sleeping with. I don’t agree with her. Have you ever heard of this theory consisting in choosing people less worthwhile than you to make you look better, sexier, smarter? In French, we call that a faire-valoir. Generally, it’s more a dynamic that works in friendship and in life. When I was a student, there was this girl I truly hated that systematically chose to pass after the worst students of our promotion during a face-to-face examination or picked the worst students for presenting a work so she could shine. Of course, this isn’t a bad tactic, because let’s be honest, I also wished at that time the person before me and after me during the examination would suck miserably. I also see some of my colleagues using this when they write their articles. How many times I’ve heard this:”Oh, I’m so glad this other journalist from another newspaper covered this subject, I know my article won’t be the worst” . I don’t do this, personally, I focus only on my work and don’t care about what the others would write about the same topic.
When it comes to love, I still wonder how you could choose someone inferior to you. But when you look around you, you will notice that it’s the case for some couples. Generally, it’s a male phenomenon. You all heard about the trophy wives and girlfriends some men pick. This is a good example of this dynamic. But at least, those women have their beauty as a value. Then, there’s the situation where the man picks a woman that would never put him in the shadow. An example? The CEO that marries his secretary. Of course, the secretary could look like Elle MacPherson or any other hot chick that makes a calendar with very few clothes on. But I have many examples where the guy’s secretary isn’t exactly what we could call a beauty queen.
Women won’t pick a man that would make them taller than they are. But I’ve met some couples where you could easily see who’s the boss, and it wasn’t the one that has the willie. There was this female CEO where the man practically did nothing in his life, but just stayed at home. When you ask her if he was inactive following a change in his company, she just tells you that no, he wasn’t, he had always lived like that. There was also this woman who was a brilliant lawyer that fell in love with a lost and found. Their common points? Nothing. Those two women told me they chose their man because they looked at them like no one else ever did. “You could see admiration in his eyes” one of them told me. So, this is it: they pick their man because of their ability to reflect a terrific image of themselves.
Some women also love to feel necessary in the eyes of their partner and entourage. That’s how they feel they exist in this world, that their life has a meaning. Picking a partner that is inferior to them would help them to reach that goal. But not necessarily. Some women end up mothering their partner even if he’s not a lost and found or useless.
Do you need love to see you through?