Are all relationships ill-fated? No, of course. I have plenty examples around me that prove love can last forever. But can we still call that love? What is the definition of love anyway? That’s a tough question.
When I was little, I used to have pajamas parties in a friend’s house and her mother used to tell us that a relationship that starts on its wheels has no chance to last. And she must have known about this, because she divorced when my friend was 14. Yet, my friend wanted to have fairy tale relationships with her boyfriends, with many displays of affection and theatrical proofs of love. So far, her mother’s prediction turned out to be right. She has had several relationships that barely lasted three years (that’s her maximum) but each time, she had the time of her life with her then partner. She chooses carefully her lovers, and makes sure he’s an idealistic, a dreamer, with a sense of drama. She often tells me she doesn’t want to change and she doesn’t want a more down-to-earth partner. “I would be easily bored with that kind of partner” she said.
I don’t want her to change. But I wonder if she would ever settle down. “All my relationships have this in common: in the end, we realise the thrill is gone and that we’d better separate” she said. “Usually, it only lasts two to three years until the passion is gone, but I’ve had relationships where we split up after only six months” she added. I used to envy her a lot when we were younger, since my love life wasn’t as exciting as hers, and also, she had such a luck with the opposite sex. Luck? The feelings she had for her exes were mutual. All the time. She never got dumped because she wasn’t too much of this of not enough of that.
In fact, she’s scared of the routine we all fall into after years spent together. “I don’t want to be like most of couples who have no secret to each other, and just don’t care about their appearance anymore. I can’t stand the habits we develop, I don’t want to end up like my parents” she explained.
Relationships can be split in different periods. The first months are spent to discover each other, and are accompanied with many feelings like intrusive thinking, fear of rejection, disregards for anything else than your lover,… After that period, things tend to calm down and turn (or not) into intertwined love, a deeper bond with your partner. But that deeper bond, if you look at it, isn’t as thrilling as the limerence. It doesn’t make you feel alive unlike this stage. Yet, I do appreciate it rather than the limerence, that gives me the impression I’m crazy.
My friend, on the other hand, only lives for that rush of blood in the head.
So, what do you prefer between a deeper bond and limerence/infatuation?