broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

All good things come to an end


 

Are all relationships ill-fated? No, of course. I have plenty examples around me that prove love can last forever. But can we still call that love? What is the definition of love anyway? That’s a tough question.

When I was little, I used to have pajamas parties in a friend’s house and her mother used to tell us that a relationship that starts on its wheels has no chance to last. And she must have known about this, because she divorced when my friend was 14. Yet, my friend wanted to have fairy tale relationships with her boyfriends, with many displays of affection and theatrical proofs of love. So far, her mother’s prediction turned out to be right. She has had several relationships that barely lasted three years (that’s her maximum) but each time, she had the time of her life with her then partner. She chooses carefully her lovers, and makes sure he’s an idealistic, a dreamer, with a sense of drama. She often tells me she doesn’t want to change and she doesn’t want a more down-to-earth partner. “I would be easily bored with that kind of partner” she said.

I don’t want her to change. But I wonder if she would ever settle down. “All my relationships have this in common: in the end, we realise the thrill is gone and that we’d better separate” she said. “Usually, it only lasts two to three years until the passion is gone, but I’ve had relationships where we split up after only six months” she added. I used to envy her a lot when we were younger, since my love life wasn’t as exciting as hers, and also, she had such a luck with the opposite sex. Luck? The feelings she had for her exes were mutual. All the time. She never got dumped because she wasn’t too much of this of not enough of that.

In fact, she’s scared of the routine we all fall into after years spent together. “I don’t want to be like most of couples who have no secret to each other, and just don’t care about their appearance anymore. I can’t stand  the habits we develop, I don’t want to end up like my parents”  she explained.

Relationships can be split in different periods. The first months are spent to discover each other, and are accompanied with many feelings like intrusive thinking, fear of rejection, disregards for anything else than your lover,… After that period, things tend to calm down and turn  (or not) into intertwined love, a deeper bond with your partner.  But that deeper bond, if you look at it, isn’t as thrilling as the limerence.  It doesn’t make you feel alive unlike this stage. Yet, I do appreciate it rather than the limerence, that gives me the impression I’m crazy.

My friend, on the other hand, only lives for that rush of blood in the head.

So, what do you prefer between a deeper bond and limerence/infatuation?

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6 thoughts on “All good things come to an end

  1. I have this thing, it must be long lasting. No. 1, I’m lazy. No. 2, it gets harder and harder to get a guy as the years goes by. I would like to settle down one day and have kids. I don’t want to be too old to take care of them.

    A deep bond means both of us are able to go through obstacles. While some have broken up because of one obstacle that revealed who they truly are and realised they are not really meant for each other, it doesn’t mean that the bond is a bad thing.

  2. You’re right, WishBoNe, the difficulty of finding a man increases with age. And by lazy, I know what you mean. Maybe it’s not laziness, it’s just you find comfort in your relationship. Obstacles are a gauntlet every couple has to endure in a lifetime. And these are a capital test.

  3. I think that this is a really great question with a good little story to help invoke conversation. I was afraid of these routines after I was married -eek. But honestly. We’ve already fallen into these routines after 6 years, but it’s ok. Now that I’m here, its not scary at all. There is a certain comfort in knowing this man will always love me.

    Those relationships where it’s all fun and passion are not lifelong partners. Partners do fall in and out of love, it’s finding a balance. Partner is the true sense of the word for a spouse, because there will be down times. But those passionate fun exciting relationships do die so to speak and honestly, in my personal opinion, these relationships don’t turn into great partnerships. there is a difference between a relationship starting out passionate and becoming a partnership after a time, but its only if both persons have the desire to -create- a partnership BEYOND the passion. Those are the kinds that will be there for you through the death of loved ones, through the birth of children, through all of the sweet memories that we cherish and all of the holidays where the family gathers. People who stay close to the heart and feel true empathy and equality to their partner….not just “wheels” 😉

    Now that I’ve posted a blog entry in your own blog. lol.

  4. I’ve been in my relationship for almost ten years now (so I beat you :mrgreen: ), Alyssa, and I’m not afraid of the routine too.
    I can confirm these passionate fun exciting relationships don’t turn into great partnerships. Besides, these already smell the end before even beginning.
    It’s always a question of balance, I agree with you.

    And thanks 🙂

  5. most importantly, a good relationship should reflect the same qualities that are important to the person. but i think a healthy relationship should have a good balance between a deeper bond and a flirtatious infatuation for the other person.

    i guess it goes back to the oscar wilde quote that a uncertainty is the very essence of romance.

    we lose something by being all one thing or the other. relationships are dynamic and ever changing and couples in a relationship ought to be flexible in how they can adapt to whatever situation life hands them.

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