broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Original of the species

When I assisted to the Sex Toy party organized in my friend’s house, some of the women there were single and shrugged their shoulders very often when the animator exposed to us some sex toys usually used by couples and also the scents supposed to drive the opposite sex crazy. My friend told me afterwards how astonished she was to see there were so many single women around her, while single men were more or less an exception. The truth is there are really more single women than men, at least in Europe. In France alone, among the 8 millions bachelors and bachelorettes counted, over 4 millions are women and only 3 millions are men. This would mean that bachelors are privileged, and have plenty of opportunities to choose from, while spinsters would better not be too difficult.

And when you see the offer of bachelors for the spinsters out there, you’d better not be too picky. “Look at the spinsters out there, some of them are really beautiful, educated, smart and funny, and yet, they are single. On the other hand, the bachelors I know are single for a good reason: you have to be desperate to pick one of them”said my friend.

I don’t totally agree with her. It’s true that when you’re over 25 year old and single, you become an exception. Three people out of four are committed in a relationship passed that age. And when you ask the single people over that age why they are still single, you’ll get two answers: a) I haven’t met the one yet b) I don’t want to commit in a relationship. Maybe three, if you take into account the “better off alone” category. Among this last one, this is where you can find specimen like these.

The nerd.

The one who’s in open conflict with anything associated with personal hygiene.

Then, the one who’s not bad at all but just hooked to his computer.

If you eliminate these specimen on the celibacy market, it will leave you with the “afraid of commitment” bachelor and the one who still hasn’t found what he’s looking for. If you eliminate again the “afraid of commitment” and the gays, the possibilities shrink even more. Especially if you know that in the “still haven’t found” category, you can find real douche bags like D.

Another friend of mine, who’s single, always complains that “All the good ones are taken or gay”. It may sound desperate, but given the disproportion between bachelors and spinsters, this is not good news for the spinsters. If we’re cynical, we could say that since one marriage out of two (or three) ends up in a divorce, there will be plenty of new men on the market soon.

But in the light of this, you could understand why it is so difficult for spinsters over 25 to find a man. And also why men move on more quickly than women after a break-up/divorce. I’ve met some women committed in a relationship who told me they think sometimes about leaving their man because the sparkle isn’t there anymore, but admit they fear they will never find another one after him, so they hang on their relationship.

So, here’s the question of the day: how do you cope with your celibacy?


12 thoughts on “Original of the species

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  3. gypsygirl says:

    Interesting topic! I am single and almost 25, so I think I am right out there in the exceptional group! 😉 LOL..
    I have had one serious relationship that lasted a good 3 yrs and some more, but didnt work out in the end. But when faced with a choice of picking someone off the rack just for getting out of the singles group isn’t for me. I am probably too serious about what I want, but thats the way it is. So I havent really gone out or speed dated weird men or just flung myself out with vengeance. I believe in soulmates, two people who could share their life as friends and lovers. I think I might have high ideals for most men to live upto. I need loyality and trust and respect in a relationship, not mindless physicalities, and most men my age aren’t really that serious usually.
    So I’ll wait for the right one, and I don’t really worry too much about the clock speeding up, although I do sometimes wish the right one would hurry up! 😉

  4. Thank you, gipsygirl! You’re still very young compared to most of the single women I meet, so you shouldn’t worry too much about your celibacy.
    And you’re right, there’s nothing worse than being trapped in a relationship because you just don’t want to be single anymore.

  5. Hello There. Good one you wrote here. My male-point of view:-

    Coping up is difficult at times, but I am *very afraid* that I am getting used to it! I do not mind the absence of a companion in my life THAT BAD. Not Anymore.

    I am 32 and was introduced to one-potential-one, through some family friends. The relationship did not materialize, though, but that should be besides the point.

    My point, to go along with yours is, it is getting difficult to meet real people and get them open up to a conversation. We’ll go all lengths, expressing ourselves on the Internet, but find it difficult to address the neighbour with basics. And THIS is causing the number of recluses and I find it pretty hurtful situation.

    What to do about it, I do not know…

    Going by the population of the world and the number of some basic personality traits, there’d be at least 500 perfect, made-for-each-other-matches for me. How to meet even 1 of them, that is the existential question.


  6. wow, those statistics are depressing. what is causing that disparity between the number of men and women? china with its one-child policy has the opposite problem: too many men and not enough women. in some places the report is that there are fifty men for one eligible woman.

    not good.

    if i was a chinese general that wanted to invade taiwan, i would tell my soldiers: “there are a lot of beautiful women in taiwan, but you are going to have to kill their husbands and boyfriends if you want to marry them.”

    my brother lives with his girlfriend, and they never plan to marry. so i asked my brother what he would do if she ever just leaves him. he told me he would not want to get into another relationship. instead, he would just go to nevada where prostitution is legal and have sex like once a month. he said relationships are too much of a headache the older he gets…

    i guess that would be one solution for celibacy.

    but not a very good one.

    when people stop caring about relationships or start to think that it is too much trouble, we lose a part of what it means to be human.

  7. Rahul Sharma, I just hope you will meet your 500 matches 🙂

    Drunk american, maybe it’s pollution. A recent study showed the correlation between this and the increasing number of baby girls. China and India have the opposite problems because in their culture, it’s better to have a baby boy.
    What you said about your brother is terrifying, but so real. I’ve met a lot of bachelors who think the same way. For their female counterparts, they just decide to do everything on their own, including having a baby. We’re slowly evolving into a society where we become too selfish, and that’s not good at all.

  8. Raindreamer says:

    Sadly true. Men in the market are… well if you want one, you propably need to lower expectations. I am not sure I am ready…

  9. On the celibacy market, there’s a feeling there’s a lot of oysters but no pearl among the bachelors, Raindreamer. I can understand you’re not ready to lower your expectations.

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