celibacy, life, love, men, miscellaneous, relationships, thoughts, women

Why can’t we be friends?

Is friendship possible between a man and a woman? Cynical people would say yes, but only if the man is gay. In fact, it’s more complicated than that. Actually, it depends on a lot of different factors. If the woman is drop dead gorgeous, having male friends who aren’t gay or not attracted to her is quite a challenge. Honestly, would you be able to be friend, and only friend, with Gisele Bundchen, if you’re straight?

The laws of attraction are inevitable with such a creature if you’re not blind or gay. On the other hand, women like this have a better chance to have male friends. And even only male friends, but no man in her life, as she is considered as the good friend, not a potential lover.

But the attraction (or not) and the homosexuality/blindness are not the only criteria that determine if a true friendship is possible between a man and a woman. When I ask around me how many male friends women have, some of them tell me they only have gay friends, some of them only female friends, and then some of then told me they have straight male friends (and not fuck friends).

My two best friends are men, and they are my exes. It didn’t work when we were together, but we managed to turn our past relationships into a true friendship. One of them has become the godfather of my daughter. I trust them, and they have trust in me” M.,35, said.

“R. is a man I met through the dating sites. We chatted a lot on Internet before we met for the first time, and when we met, there was no spark at all between us. We decided to remain friends anyway, and he has become like a brother to me. He’s always there when I need him, and he can count on me too” B., 30.

This means obviously that we have to pass the attraction we feel for each other. But sometimes, the attraction isn’t there at first, and it develops slowly as years go by.

We were best friends when we were kids, but when we grew up, he became a problem for all the guys I dated, and I became a problem for all the girls he dated. They were all jealous of the bond we had together. Then, he met a girl he really fell in love with, and took his distance with me. I became jealous, and I made everything possible to make them split up. Unfortunately, they didn’t split up, and he was mad at me for trying to ruin his relationship. I decided to move in another town to get away from him, and I never saw him again afterwards”J., 30, said.

“We used to be roommates, and women used to come and go in his bedroom. So, obviously, I didn’t want to be one of them, and was happy just to be his friend. But one night, we went out in a bar with a group of friends, and we drank too much. We ended up by sleeping with each other at the end of the night, and this is how our friendship ended. I didn’t want to pursue a relationship with him because I knew he would never change. But he wanted me to try. I just decided to move out of the apartment, and stopped seeing him” L., 36, explained.

So, here’s the question: do you think it’s possible to be friend with the opposite sex for good?


12 thoughts on “Why can’t we be friends?

  1. 7keys says:

    “Men and women can never be friends. The sex thing always gets in the way.” – Harry, “When Harry Met Sally”

    I think it’s impossible. There’s always sexual tension between men and women. Trying to be friends is almost like an ulterior motive for the final prize.

  2. it’s really difficult to be friend with opposite sex as your real best friend, but it’s possible. now it’s depend upon the present relationship with the person and both of your understanding,….i think it’s really nice if you limit your relationship status with one person….because sometime if you cross the limit of friendship then you may also loss that friend….so better fix your mind both from male and female side always be best friends…then things become nice and perfect…though it’s very very tough……:)

    good post, i like it..:)

    samiha esha

  3. WIGSF, the film didn’t mention at all the friendship between gays and women.

    Drunk american, it’s all about finding ways to avoid the sexual attraction, isn’t it?

    Hi 7keys, you’re right, there’s always sexual tension between men and women, but this tension can disappear with time, I think. Thanks for stopping by.

    Samiha Esha, it’s difficult, I can confirm that from my personal experience. The key is to be honest with each other, with the risk of losing a friend. Thanks sweetie!

  4. Raindreamer says:

    I would she not impossible, but wery difficult and not likely. Sooner or later either he or she can get hurt. (Excluding Gay friends ofcourse).

  5. actually, i think it is more about respecting the other as a whole person… simply avoiding or ignoring the sexual attraction only flusters a relationship.

    people should recognize the sexual attraction but also realize that there are many more important things about the other person that makes having a strong friendship with that person worthwhile…

  6. You’re right, drunk american. It’s more about how you recognize the other as a whole person, with qualities and flaws.
    I have a few male friends (not gay) and I consider them more as brothers. I know they consider me as their sister too.

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