broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, sex, thoughts, women

After sunset


There’s a postulate saying that men can sleep with a woman and feel nothing after, while women can’t. The problem is I’ve met quite a lot of exceptions to this rule. In fact, we should divide correctly between the romantic ones and the ones that just follow their envy/lust.

However, there’s a clear distinction to make within this category. Most of the men who just sleep with a woman just for sex do this naturally, while for women, this process can take a longer period to come. I don’t believe the Samantha Jones kind of women are born like that, it’s something they develop as they gain sexual confidence to do it.

Most of the women I meet tell me they couldn’t have sex with a man unless they are in love with him. “I did try to have sex with a man I wasn’t in love with, but just physically attracted to him, and I didn’t enjoy it. I need to be in love and feel overwhelmed by this feeling when I have sex. Without it, there’s something missing” S., 34, said.  Sometimes, our cultural/emotional background has an influence on what we think about sex.”Having sex is simply associated to the word slut for me, which doesn’t correspond to me at all. That’s why I couldn’t just sleep with a man I’m not in love with” P., 30, explained.

But for some women, this process isn’t working anymore when it comes to wrestling in the sheet. Generally, they become like Samantha Jones, able to sleep with a man and feel nothing after, or just because they fancy the guy, after a disastrous relationship which left them badly broken hearted. This is the case of A., 29. “I was involved in a relationship with a man for three years, and it left me into pieces. I decided afterwards not to get fooled again like I was, and that I should never attach to a man anymore. So, relationships purely based on sex is what I look for right now. It’s just that I don’t trust men anymore” she said.

“It’s something I have developed throughout the years, but this ability really triggered after my relationship with my ex ended. I hated every aspect of my life spent with him, the fact he hurt me so much, the routine we fell in, I didn’t want to live this experience again“B.,31, explained.

Of course, there are exceptions. Some women are able to sleep with a man without being in love with him because they just test their power of seduction. “Collecting one night stands is comforting me in a way. I had a terrible complex of inferiority when I was younger, and I gained a little bit of confidence with those experiences. Yet, I hope someday I find my prince charming, but it doesn’t look likely” Y., 35, said.

Could you sleep with someone without being in love? Personally, I can’t.

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13 thoughts on “After sunset

  1. whatigotsofar says:

    I could, but that’s probably because beggars can’t be choosers. And I’m about three days away from standing out on the corner, cap in hand.

  2. that is an interesting point… in the odyssey by homer, there was a part where odysseus had his men turned into swine by a goddess. then when he threatened to kill her, the goddess said something like: “let us make love so we can learn to trust each other…”

    so maybe we can make love to those we hate… if it helps us learn to trust one another. i think the united nations should start having orgies based on this premise…

  3. Indeed, you have to trust the other (a little bit) to sleep with him/her. But I’m afraid it won’t solve the problems of the UN, especially that you can sleep with someone and still be mean to him/her after.

  4. whatigotsofar says:

    Avoid them! How’s that gonna help me get laid?

    And to Drunk American – so you would sleep with somebody who turned all your friends into pigs? I don’t know what Odysseus did, but I sure as hell wouldn’t have sex with (I think her name was) Circe.

  5. Oh, well, maybe not, after all. Since they are the kind of women who will open the door to you half naked… But you never know why they are so desperate for sex (it could be because of a terrible flaw for example). If you’re not picky, then go for them.

  6. Shae says:

    Nope! It doesn’t feel right just to sleep with someone for the heck of it. I’ve tried it a long time ago and I didn’t have a good time at all. Sex is amazing now with my husband because we both love (trust!) each other and that makes it all worthwhile. 😀

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