Are we all masochistic? In a sense, maybe. We all do things we know we shouldn’t do because it does us no good at all, and sometimes, we keep on repeating those silly acts. An example? I can’t help eating candy bars even if I know it’s not good for my health. Nutella will do damage to your silhouette, but it is so addictive (tons of my female friends and I have an addiction to that chocolate spread and some even eat it with a spoon).
When it comes to love and relationship, we can find ourselves trapped into such a dynamic. We know the guy/chick isn’t good for us, but for a reason, we fall desperately in love with him/her and hang on to that ill-fated relationship like a junkie. Sometimes, it’s even worse, because we go head over heels for a man/woman that didn’t ask for anything. “I fell in love with one of my male colleagues, that showed me some interests at the beginning. But for a reason I ignore, he started to put more and more distance between us, as if he knew the obvious about my feelings for him. I should have moved on and forget about him, but I couldn’t. I was convinced that he had it wrong with me, and that he had to know me better, so he could love me. So, instead of leaving him alone, I became a bit invading in his life. One day, he had enough, and just told me to leave him alone for good, and that he would moved to another unit, far away from me, really soon. This was like a shock to me, but it helped me realize what a fool I had been for him, and to focus on myself” T., 32, said.
Most of the women I know have told me they lost their head once (and ever more) for a total loser that didn’t treat them the way they should. “I knew from the beginning he was a total jerk, but I couldn’t stay away from him. He was like a drug to me, I just needed him. All my friends had pity on me back then. I barely smiled, was constantly crying because he didn’t treat me the right way. I was unable to dump him, and finally he helped me by disappearing into nature” L, 32. “He was constantly talking in derogatory terms about the others, and in particular about women, but I fell for him anyway. And as promised , he treated me like a piece of dirt and told me my problems were ludicrous compared to those who really suffer on this planet. All my friends urged me to dump him, but I wouldn’t listen to them. Then, one day, I realized I deserved better than him, and I dumped him”K., 34, explained. And some women told me they need to suffer in a relationship just to feel alive. “I know dating bad guys isn’t good for me, because it keeps tearing me down. But at the same time, I never felt so alive during those relationships”I., 30, said.
Why do we fool ourselves like that? According to psychologists, it is linked to the conduct of failure: we are attracted to the ones that are bad to us and we have difficulty to separate from them. We choose what puts us in a failure, even if a better choice appears to us at the same time. This happens because we have a low self-esteem.
So, before falling into the arms of a total jerk, remember all those good advices from dontdatethatdude. And if you really want to fall for men that will do you no good, fall for Ben & Jerry. A guilty pleasure I would personally recommend.
Here’s the question of the day: what are your guilty pleasures?