celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, wedding, women

33


Last week, one of my single friends attended a friend of hers’ wedding, and went back from this a little bit bitter. “Don’t you realize she was the Bridget Jones type of women, that collected disastrous relationships until she met her husband, and got married straight away with him? I can’t believe she did that. She’s heading for another failure, I’m afraid” she told me.

In a time where most couples choose to wait to get married or just choose not to get married at all, this really sounds premature. But I’ve met some fast couples like that who are still married today. “We married only one month after we met. I knew that she was the one I was looking for the day she came into my life. For me, there was no doubt we would marry someday, so it wasn’t a problem to anticipate that day a little bit. We’ve been married for eight years now, and I don’t regret anything at all” J., 33, said. “I’ve been through many disappointments in my love life, but when he came into my life, I immediately knew he was different from all my ex. We met in a bar and chatted all night long until the morning, and ended up sharing our breakfast in a cafe down my apartment. He promised me to take me to a restaurant that evening, and he stuck to his promise, unlike all my ex. Everything we did together was obvious. I gave him the key just one week after, we started to make common plans almost immediately after, even if my friends told me to slow things down, and we got married just three months after we met”G., 32, explained.

On the other hand, I’ve also met some fast couples who didn’t last that long. “We felt immediately in love with each other and married three months after we first met. But we were both young and a little bit immature at that time, and didn’t realize what we were doing and what a marriage is all about, with the ups, but also the downs. After we got married, we couldn’t stop fighting with each other, and he ended up leaving the house because he had enough of my bad character. We divorced after one year and a half spent together” M., 29, said. “We got married quickly because I got pregnant on the first night we spent together. We did absolutely all we could to make our marriage works, but we realized we didn’t have anything in common, and that we would be better off without each other. We did stay friends for our son afterwards, though” B., 31, said.

Getting married when you only know each other for a few months, or even weeks, and hoping it will last is like playing at the lottery. You have many chances to lose, and very few chances to win. Besides, in the first months of a relationship, you barely act rational because limerence blinds you.

I just hope my friend’s friend will be happy in her marriage and that it will last.

So, here the question of the day: if you met the One, would you wait to get married or would you jump into it as soon as possible?

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7 thoughts on “33

  1. drunk american says:

    it is wonderful when a couple has such confidence in their love that they decide to get married right away. but i think most people who get married after just a few months are secretly hoping that a change in the scenery will improve their relationship or make it better.

    in college, my roommate started dating a new woman. three months later he said: “she told me that she won’t have sex with me anymore unless we get married…”

    he got married.

    i thought that was so wrong of her to do. i thought it was wrong of him to actually give into her blackmail. but as far as i know, they are still together.

    personally, i think wanting to get married as soon as possible reveals more insecurities in the relationship.`if the love is there, whether or not you are married should not really change your relationship.

    besides, isn’t love supposed to be patient?

  2. walligirl says:

    Last year at this time, my good friend married. They had only been together 6 months, they would have gotten married sooner, but the church has time requirements. Well as their 1 yr anniversary arrives, they are still happy. I feel that this story is probably not typical. I just don’t know if i could get married so soon. And one week a boyfriend might feel like the one, but it seems to change all the time. And i don’t think you truly know someone for many many months, if not years.

  3. dontdatethatdude says:

    I know of one “famous” couple, Jamie Lee Curtis & Christopher Guest (may be wrong spelling of his last name), who said they knew on their first date and have been together ever since. While I love to hear about stories like this, I don’t think they are the norm. Some people really do just “know”! Marvelous! For me, I would be very careful and wait. I have heard that the first year you are dating someone, you are not really dating them, you are dating their, “representative”. If they are the one the relationship will endure anyway, No?

    Loved the video you posted with this!

  4. I think of people who marry quickly as having unresolved baggage, that they’re projecting something on their partner that probably isn’t there. You have an image of your perfect partner and you desperately/needily want that other person to fulfill your dreams and desires. It’s a farce most likely. I call it “best behavior dating,” something I am too pragmatic to play. That and I am cynical.

  5. whatigotsofar says:

    My brother recently got engaged. The wedding planning is killing him. And he’s only been engaged for two weeks now. They haven’t set the date yet. Eloping was my suggestion. My brother really likes that idea. But his fiancee is against going to Las Vegas and having a quickee wedding.

    Seeing what my brother is going through and having foreseen much of his troubles, I’ve always been in favour of elopement.

  6. Drunk american, indeed, love is supposed to be patient. Those who married quickly fall however into 2 categories: those who are a bit immature and think marriage will solve/ strenghten their relationship, and those who have found the one. But it’s really like betting on horse racing with those couples.

    Walligirl, it really depends on people. Some like to take it slow, some don’t. We all aren’t able to marry that quick.There will be a lot more of divorces if it was the case…

    DDTD, those people who are able to “know” really impress me too. I’m also careful and wait. Indeed, in the first months of a relationship, infatuation/ limerence makes you ignore all the other’s flaws and just focus on his/her “representative”. The landing can be hard, sometimes.

    Hi Cricket!
    Yes, some people marry for the wrong reasons. There’s a rational behind long lasting couples, that is sharing (many) common points. Of course, there are exceptions to this rule, but it’s rare. Thanks for stopping by.

    WIGSF, planning a wedding is a real nightmare for some people. Maybe your brother should do like most men I know: let his fiancee do all the preparations. Some women told me they absolutely love preparing their wedding. I bet your future sister-in-law falls into that category.

  7. Oh, and DDTD, thank you for the video. This song was supposed to be the one played for my wedding (that didn’t happen) many, many years ago.

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