… I saw the end before it began
Recently, one of my female colleagues announced us she was going to divorce, after more than twenty years of marriage. She didn’t have a very common marriage with her future ex-husband. Although they have four kids together, they barely lived together when they were married, because of her husband’s profession that sends him everywhere in the world. Instead of following him everywhere he went for his job, she just waited patiently for his return, like a Penelope for his Odysseus. When she arrived in our newsroom, she told us her husband wasn’t living with them because he lived in Ireland for a mission. We asked her why she didn’t join him there, and she replied she would love to, but she couldn’t because he was about to change place again. She also told us this situation was already like that when they met for the first time.”We met in a party celebrating his departure for another country. Our long-distance relationship had started from the beginning” she said.
Last year, she started to complain she had enough and told me she was going to leave our country to join him, and starts as a U.K. correspondant for our newspaper. But she also explained her husband was clearly against this idea, and this is where everyone in the newsroom started to wonder if he had a mistress and didn’t want her to discover about it. But she decided to take a long holiday to spend time with him and her four children in Ireland anyway. When she came back, she told us she was going to divorce. Obviously, her husband loved his tranquility away from home and got used too much to it.
Her relationship, as she described it, was ill -fated from the start. I do know long-distance couples that have managed to make it work, because their situation was only temporary. But here, since the beginning, her husband has chosen to stay far away.
There are other examples of ill-fated relationships: for example, if you start an affair with a married man, marry a man that’s already been unfaithful to you, or simply start a relationship with someone who’s not good for you and everyone around you warns you against it.
“When I met J., all my friends told me I was completely out of my mind. There was also something that was telling me I was wrong: I couldn’t smell him. He told me lies all the time, but I was in love and I believed him. Sometimes, I had some doubts about what he told me, for example about his real job, his studies, but then, I just forgot about it. One day, an old woman called me and asked me where J. was, and told me he owed her a lot of money she gave him to put on her bank account for her, because she barely could move. And that’s where I discovered he was a crook specialized in diddling old ladies that trusted him. I told him about the phone incident, and the day after, he simply disappeared. I came back into the apartment we shared together, and all his belongings had gone with him. I never saw him again after” K., 35, said.
We all get fooled by the others, but sometimes, there are warning signals that indicate us not to follow that road, and yet, we refuse to see it.
So, have you already experienced a situation like these, where there were obvious signals in the start that told you this relationship wouldn’t last?