In the controversial movie Romance X, the principal character, Marie, falls in love with a guy who stops making love to her after three months spent together, because he “just loves her and doesn’t want to control her”. So, Marie goes elsewhere to get fucked by the first dumbass she sees (in the movie, this character is played by Rocco Siffredi). Then, she gets involved with her boss, who is an adept of BDSM. And she eventually kills the guy she fell in love with.
This is certainly an example you shouldn’t follow when you’re in a situation where your partner withholds the sex (at least, for the killing part). But it raises an important question: what do you do when your partner isn’t into sex (if you’re not an asexual)?
Unfortunately, either you go and see a sexologist to sort that problem out, either you just break up, or take a (or many) lover(s). Sex constitutes a cement for the couple, unless you and your partner share the disgust of sex, and if you aren’t on the same wavelength, this is where the problem begins.
There are different types of person who aren’t into sex, or let’s say frigid. For the woman part, many sexologists agree on one thing: they aren’t necessarily asexual, they just don’t know how to reach an orgasm because they don’t know their body. And this can be easily improved, if they want to. Still, there will always be women who prefer shoe shopping or chocolate over sex.
For the man part, well, it’s different.
There is the man who just stops to desire his woman for different reasons. The most common one is when he feels castrated. It can happen because you have a better situation than him or just beat him in the various domains where he thinks he excels. “Things changed between us when I got promoted in my job, while he just wasn’t able to keep his job. Slowly, he started to stop making love with me. It started with multiple sexual breakdown and ended up in situation when he wouldn’t touch me anymore” P., 37, told me. “We were both musicians, but I became more successful than him, and this caused a lot of tensions between us, including on a sexual level. In the end, he just didn’t want to have sex with me, but cheated on me on many occasions” H., 35, said.
Then, there is the man who uses his sexual energy for everything except sex. In an episode of Seinfeld, George Costanza realized he’s more efficient when he hasn’t had sex for a while. This is an example, but there are many more. If he uses all his energy at work, chances are he will be abstinent in bed. But wait, in this case, the use of amphetamines and cocaine helps a lot to prevent the abstinence happening. There are just little side-effects like paranoia and stuffs like that.
Then, there is the man who’s just more into his computer than into you. “He used to play all the time to games like World of Warcraft, and barely went to sleep before 3 or 4 am each time. There was simply no time left to just take care of me. We had zero sex life” F., 34, said.
So, does sex plays an important part in the relationship, according to you?