… That’s where I fall in love again
We have various behaviors with our ex’s when it’s over. Some ex-lovers will remain good friends, some will continue to sleep with each other, some will simply lose each other out of sight. It all depends on the depth of the past relationship, but also on the length and the feelings involved. When I ask around me what’s the relationship people have with their ex’s, I get multiple answers, and sometimes, it feels so sad.
“N. and I stayed together for 5 years, until I broke up with him because I was tired of his numerous infidelities. I was so pissed about him that I didn’t want to see him after the break up. Three months after, he called me because he wanted to talk to me. He told me he was sorry about what he did to me, and that we should remain friends because I will always be part of his life. It was a bit awkward at the beginning of our friendship, but since in my head, it was over, and he had moved on too, we have developed a true friendship ” B., 29, said.
“Our relationship was not healthy at all, because I kept on mothering him. When it ended, I felt so bad I left him. He had a problem to find a place to live, so I offered him to stay in my apartment until he found his own. During his stay, I couldn’t help to take care of him because I felt guilty, but it was killing me inside. So, after two months in that situation, I told him to get out of my apartment. It helped me to move on a lot” P., 34, said.
“When I left him, he told me he couldn’t live without me and started to call me numerous times. I felt so guilty about his misery that I couldn’t cut all contacts with him and just tried to help him moving on. But it was impossible: he just wanted me back. After many many conversations with him that didn’t go anywhere, I decided to change my phone number and to move in another town, so he couldn’t reach me anymore. I’ve never seen him again” I., 33, said.
“P. is the greatest lover I’ve ever had. We broke up because we simply couldn’t get along with each other, but there was one domain where we would get along so well: sex. We remain friends, fuck friends to be precised. I call him whenever I want to sleep with him, and he calls me whenever he wants too. Including when we are in a relationship. Right now, P. is dating another woman, and I’m dating another man, but we still see each other. I don’t feel guilty about this at all”O., 36, said.
“I don’t remain friends with my ex’s. Each time it’s over, I erase them totally from my life, even if we were friends before we started dating. I throw away all their belongings that they didn’t take back, delete all the mails and SMS they sent me, give away to charity their gifts,… I need this blackout, especially when my heart is broken. It helps me figure out what went wrong and to move on” A.,30, said.
“I try to remain friends with my ex’s, but each time, it’s always the same situation. Either he gets jealous of my new man, either I get jealous of his new conquest. We always end up in a fight for that, and eventually don’t speak to each other anymore” E., 35, said.
“He became my best friend after we split. In fact, we had to break up because he finally accepted his homosexuality, and I helped him accept this. I didn’t take it personally, although I had some doubts about my feminity after that. But we were friends before we went together, and we just wanted to pursue this wonderful friendship ” T., 32, said.
If you have zero consideration for your ex because he/she sucks miserably, chances are you won’t remain friends with your ex. If one of the couple has still feelings for the other while it’s not the case anymore for the other partner, friendship is also impossible.
So, do you remain friends with your ex’s, avoid them, or just let them disappear?