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Not a crime?


Recently, a French swimming champion got badly served with nude photos of her displayed in the medias. Apparently, these indelicate pictures were leaked by her ex-fiance. How nice of him.

When people break up, either they choose to keep it civil, either they try to ignore each other, or they just dive into a battle of revenge. It depends a lot on if we’re acrimonious or not, but also on how the relationship ended.

How do we take revenge on our ex? There are different ways. One of my friends, who got dumped by one of the douchiest men in the world, “sort” her ex’s apartment when he was at work. “I still had the keys of his apartment after we broke up, and as I knew his habits and schedule, I just sneaked into his apartment to do a little sorting. He was a maniac, very tidy, so I basically put everything out of its place and left. I felt really relieved after this” she said.

Then, there’s the kiss and tell. An ex-friend of mine used to talk shit on his ex’s once it was over, even if they don’t deserve it. In fact, none of his ex’s deserved that. He was criticizing the way they kiss, their choice of clothes, perfume, their new guys, how bad they were in bed,… He did this even if he broke up with them. I asked him why he had to do this everytime it was over, and he just replied that I should stop being such a feminist (!). You can now imagine why I’m not friend with him anymore…

Women too are able to bash their ex lovers like that. Another friend of mine (which isn’t a true misogynist for a change) once dated a woman he thought at first was absolutely charming.” I invited her to the restaurant, and by the time the dishes arrived at our table, she had managed to criticize every of her ex’s, revealing very intimate details about them I didn’t want to know. I just paid the bill and never called her back afterwards” he said. “I could imagine her talking like that about me, and this really turned me off” he added.

For sure, dating such people warns you you could be the next on the list.

In the different forms of revenge on your ex, kiss and tell is probably one of the meanest ways to do this. The worst is of course when you start to hurt physically your ex, or imitate Lorena Bobbit. But revealing intimate details about your ex is a betrayal. There’s nothing worse than to be betrayed by someone you loved (or had feelings for). And it just shows how insecure you are.

So, would you do that to your ex? And would you date someone who has such a reputation?

 

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10 thoughts on “Not a crime?

  1. Raindreamer says:

    Now there is two factors here.

    1) Revenge

    2) Warning others

    It is revenge, when you tell things others don’t need to know. It is warning others, if you genuinly try to warn them about her / him. It is really difficult to determine the difference between them, especially if you’re hurting.

    And it is hard to see how this is feminist thing, if it is same for men and women. Should have asked that guy would he like his women talk about him in similar fashion?

    Kiss and tell is so unclassy thing to do.

  2. If it’s warning the others about your ex, it’s a revenge, but it’s forgivable and understandable, Raindreamer. Kiss and tell, on the other hand, is really unclassy. You’re right.
    About my ex-friend: he was convinced every of his ex’s talked like that about him, so it was only a payback to them. Paranoid? Maybe.

  3. whatigotsofar says:

    I think it all depends on how the breakup happened. If it was a messy breakup, revenge is fair game. If it was amicable, being vengeful is inappropriate.

  4. Yes, it depends on how the breakup happened, WIGSF. What my friend did, I can truly understand. But what my ex-friend did, I still don’t get it. Happy New Year to you.

  5. Shae says:

    Egads, ouch! I know I’m not a saint, but I would have to say no on both regardless of the breakup.

  6. Raindreamer says:

    I don’t think it is revenge, if he /she was really bad like: physically violent, serious serial cheater, pathologically jealous etc.

    But that is not usually not the fact, and the problem is – it difficult to differ real problem from hurt, when you are hurting badly after the break up.

  7. Shae, who is a saint anyway? 🙂

    Raindreamer, if the ex was physically violent, it is legitimate to warn the others so he won’t do that again. I hope it is not usual.

  8. dontdatethatdude says:

    I can say I would not date anyone who blatantly talked about his X or several other X’s he’s had now, but before I knew that this is a sign of a creep I did date someone who did that and married him, big mistake. As far as revenge goes or kiss and tell. I shared my troubles with close my close friends and of course they knew him. For a long time my life was an open book. I have learned from this and would not do it again, as it made me feel less of a person. I have written about it too, as you know, but no names were mentioned, does that count as revenge? I have thought about getting other types of revenge, but never went thru with it, takes up to much headspace….

  9. DDTD, if you don’t mention their names, it doesn’t count as a revenge 😉 Besides, telling your friends about what you went through is normal. We all need to feel comforted when bad events happen.

  10. Pingback: Pages tagged "acrimonious"

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