broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Bullet Proof

As we grow old, we become less naive about the things in life, including in our love life. Experiences from the past make us more stronger, but these also create a shell that protect us against the others. An example? If you collected disastrous relationships in the past, you would become more and more cautious about the partner you choose in the future. Or you would simply lock the access to your heart to every partner that comes in your life.

I’ve fallen in love many times in my life, and all those relationships just left my heart badly broken. I feel like if I could never give my love to someone else now. Since D., my last love story, all the relationships I had with other men have summed up to this scenario: we started dating, but I felt nothing for them, and sooner or later, they would reproach me to be distant and cold with them and eventually, we broke up” P., 34, said.

“Since I broke up with the love of my life, I haven’t been able to pursue a stable relationship with anyone else. I’ve collected one night stands and fuck friends, nothing really serious. I feel like I don’t want to invest in a true relationship anymore” N., 30, said.

These are dramatic examples of this shell we build against the others, but when you ask around you if people are more cautious now in their love life than when they were younger, most of them would answer yes.

When I was younger, I didn’t know what I wanted from my ex’s but as I grew old, I realized that I didn’t want a cheater, a liar or a junkie because I had tested those”I., 35, said.

I was very naive when I was young, I just believed everything people told me, including my ex’s. But now, I have changed a lot”L., 30, said.

Our past experiences helps us a lot not to make the same mistake twice because it creates a defensive mechanism. But the medal can have its reverse too. If you are constantly on the defensiveness when the opposite sex dares to talk to you because you’ve been hurt in the past by one of them, you will have some trouble finding a new companion. Yet, it’s still possible to find love again if you release your brakes.

So, have you ever dealt with your personal brakes in a relationship?


9 thoughts on “Bullet Proof

  1. I always say there’s a fine line between learning from past relationships/mistakes and baggage.

    At present, I’m rather content with the lessons and/or baggage, knowing that nobody can hurt me like that again – for now at least. Distance is something I can control. It’s obvious I am not ready for a relationship or trust, so why try to open up? I’m still bitter and don’t desire to inflict that on someone else.

  2. whatigotsofar says:

    I think that first paragraph describes me near perfectly. Sure, you missed out the whole devilishly handsome part, but thats forgiveable. I’m sure you were going for some generic description of many people, and frankly, there’s nary a person as handsome as me.

    But I don’t view my caution or closed-offed-ness as a bad thing. I think it is a good trait to have. I’ve come to the realization that being single is a good thing. Being alone doesn’t mean being lonely.

  3. dontdatethatdude says:

    I feel like I have never used personal brakes in relationships, until now, but my defensiveness has been a reason that some of my relationships failed because I couldn’t see outside of the mechanisms I came into the relationships with. I am single now because I don’t want that to happen anymore. I hope this makes sense….

  4. WIGSF, it’s better to be alone than to be in a bad relationship, isn’t it? Of course, I wanted to be general on this subject.

    DDTD, if your defensiveness is an obstacle in your love life, it just means that you’re not ready yet for a relationship. But this will pass, I am sure. 🙂

  5. The Last Spartan says:

    I think that one variable you haven’t mentioned is “how easily do you love”.

    Some people “love easily” in that they fall head over heels and perhaps they just know what they’re looking for and what they like (or not).

    Other people don’t love as “easily” and those people may have more self-control, pessimism, pragmatism or simply they may be defensive with walls to break down.

    I think that a little bit of skepticism is good but if it gets in the way of actually meeting people and dating…that’s a problem.

    I would caution that as a young person,…we tend to make the same mistake over and over until we can step back and say “hey, I am collecting a bunch of losers here because I (fill in behavior here)”.

    Remember that no one has a long list of successful relationships…only failed ones.

  6. LS, yes, you’re right, it depends on our ability to love easily or not. But you can love easily and then don’t love as easily if you collected failed relationships because it makes you more cautious. At least, that’s my opinion.
    Indeed, no one has a long list of successful relationships.

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