As we grow old, we become less naive about the things in life, including in our love life. Experiences from the past make us more stronger, but these also create a shell that protect us against the others. An example? If you collected disastrous relationships in the past, you would become more and more cautious about the partner you choose in the future. Or you would simply lock the access to your heart to every partner that comes in your life.
“I’ve fallen in love many times in my life, and all those relationships just left my heart badly broken. I feel like if I could never give my love to someone else now. Since D., my last love story, all the relationships I had with other men have summed up to this scenario: we started dating, but I felt nothing for them, and sooner or later, they would reproach me to be distant and cold with them and eventually, we broke up” P., 34, said.
These are dramatic examples of this shell we build against the others, but when you ask around you if people are more cautious now in their love life than when they were younger, most of them would answer yes.
“When I was younger, I didn’t know what I wanted from my ex’s but as I grew old, I realized that I didn’t want a cheater, a liar or a junkie because I had tested those”I., 35, said.
“I was very naive when I was young, I just believed everything people told me, including my ex’s. But now, I have changed a lot”L., 30, said.
Our past experiences helps us a lot not to make the same mistake twice because it creates a defensive mechanism. But the medal can have its reverse too. If you are constantly on the defensiveness when the opposite sex dares to talk to you because you’ve been hurt in the past by one of them, you will have some trouble finding a new companion. Yet, it’s still possible to find love again if you release your brakes.
So, have you ever dealt with your personal brakes in a relationship?