broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Until I find you


Two of my closest friends who are single are the exact opposite of each other when it comes to their celibacy. One is considering it as a burden, while the other is just enjoying it. But they both aim to find the one. However, I can’t say they put all their energy into reaching that goal right now. “I really want to find a man, but none of the men I’ve met so far has ever qualified” says the pessimistic one. “With men, I just take every opportunity that comes in. You never know, I could really find my soulmate among them” says the optimistic one. One is very picky with men, while the other not, but couldn’t make her relationships last. Which one has a better chance to find true love?

I really believe that if you want to find love, you have to be open to it. In both cases, my friends have put a lot of hurdles for any pretender. The pessimistic one has a long list of do’s and don’t for the men she meets, while the other one just juggles between her multiple conquests. Yet, it’s not because of these barriers that they can’t find love. It just depends on who they’re looking for. Besides, these hurdles can disappear. My pessimistic friend is starting to be a little introspective about herself and has recently told me several times maybe she’s been a little bit too tough with some of her ex’s and that she misses particularly one of them. It’s a big step forward for her. I’ve only know her bashing her ex’s so far. I just hope now she will lower her standards a little bit for a new man.

For the other one, well, it’s more complicated. She canceled her wedding seven years ago because she realized suddenly the life her future-ex husband promised her wasn’t exactly what she was dreaming of. Since then, she has multiplied men in her life, choosing carefully not to get involved too much in any relationship. “It’s not that I don’t want to commit. I really want to find true love. But the men I’ve met so far all disappointed me, and I’d better not hang on such disastrous relationships” she said. Yet, some of her ex’s were willing to commit, but that was not enough for her. “I don’t want to live like all my friends who are married, I want to find someone that will share my view on relationships” she told me. In fact, she’s scared of the routine couples fall in. For her, it’s inevitable. I hope she will find a man that will prove her the contrary.

Do you have hurdles that slow down your quest to find the one?

 

 

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7 thoughts on “Until I find you

  1. dontdatethatdude says:

    I agree with you and the strong statement you made, a person has to open to love and I will add to that a person must also be willing to give love in return. I notice the optimist isn’t really optimistic because she has a pessimistic view of marriage.

  2. Stardust says:

    Hi, I’ve only just found your blog and its very interesting. I think its hard when you have emotional baggage to not create hurdles in new relationships. And I agree with the comment beforehand, you have to be open to it.

  3. DDTD, you’re right. Not only we have to be open to love, but also willing to give it back. The optimist well, it’s in her charachter. She’s one of the most positive person in my life. Yet, it’s true that her view on marriage is a bit pessimistic.

    Hi Stardust, thank you 🙂
    Emotional baggage can create hurdles, but in those two cases, it’s their perception of a relationship (what they dream of) that is creating hurdles. Our ideal can also block our aim to find the one.

  4. Raindreamer says:

    I once made a list. It was in a one book. The idea was to list have to’s, absolutely no’s and would be nice’s. And at least I find it wery handy in such that when it comes to it you find that the list of have to’s is not very long and neither is absolutely no’s. The problem stars, when you are not able to separate the would be nice’s from those two catecories.

    My examble:
    Have to: have grown up and take responsibility of his life.
    Must not: have serious addictions.
    Would be nice: if he liked to travel.

  5. Raindreamer, that’s a reasonable list 🙂 And you’re right, there’s an important distinction between the would be nice and the have to category. Likewise, personal hygiene is a must, but good taste is a would be nice.

  6. There are Mr. Rights and Mr. Right Nows. I think you can dally so much in the Mr. Right Nows, giving the wrong guys misguided chances, that you miss Mr. Right. Last year, I made the conscious decision to not date frivolously.

  7. Cricket, I love your description of the Mr Right Nows! One of my friends always says that if we search too much, there’s a good chance we won’t find anything. Maybe she’s right.

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