This year resolutions consist for some of the single people I know in finding a decent companion. Yet, as one of my (pessimistic) friends says, it’s better not to put too much energy into this quest, because “the more you search, the less chance you have to find“. Another friend of mine don’t share her view and told me she believes love is round the corner, and that she’d better search in non-obvious places for cruising. “I have enough of those dating sites where you find everything but a real and honest man. I have enough to go from one bar to another to find a guy who will barely remember my name the morning after. And I have enough to go to clubs to find a man who’s either too drunk, too drugged, or just afraid of commitment” she explained. So she thought it would be a better idea to look for love in a place “where people don’t play a role“. And her idea goes from the office to the supermarket and the gym. Is she right?
Most of the women I know told me that flirting at your office is really difficult. First, you have to deal with the inevitable gossips of your colleagues. There will always be a female colleague (I’ve noticed that curiosity is a female specialty) that will notice before everyone else what is going on between him and you and that is unfortunately the biggest babbler of your company. Likewise, there will always be an indelicate colleague to whom you made some confidences about your love interest and who can’t keep her mouth shut. Then, there are the aftermaths in case of a break up. Yet, I know quite a lot of couples who met while they were working together.
The supermarket can be a better place. It’s easy to know right away if he’s single or not, just by looking at his trolley. If he buys family packs of biscuits, cakes, meat, poultry,… or if he has a long list written by obviously a female hand mentioning very detailed products like arborio rice or truffle oil, there’s a big chance he’s taken (or gay). And if you have still doubts about it, just look at his car in the parking lot. If there’s a baby seat in it, there is no doubt left. For the single specimens, well, their trolley or basket consists essentially in two things: beer/alcohol and frozen pizzas or processed food. But as many men told me, shopping for food is such a pain in the ass for some of them that they try to spend the least time in the supermarket and basically race from one alley to an other. They will also choose to shop late in the evening to avoid family and old people, but they won’t spend too much time. In this case, it’s not easy for catching their attention. Besides, I know very few couples who met at the supermarket.
Then, there’s the gym/ swimming pool. In the last case, first, you’re barely at your physical advantage in a swimming suit with your spectacles and plastic hood, second, men you will find there want generally to beat Michael Phelps‘s record and just won’t put their feet down until they have swum at least 60 length. Trying to engage a conversation in this circumstance is just useless. In the first case, well, as one of my friends told me, either they’re gay or married (and eventually looking for a mistress). So, it’s not a good idea.
There are other places less obvious but that are hot spots for an initial encounter. Evening classes can be a great spot, as long as you choose the right class. If you pick the knitting/ needlework class, chances are the male population there would resume to zero. Try instead oenology or foreign languages. Dance classes can do the trick, as long as you don’t pick the usual classic/modern jazz/ tap dancing one (you don’t want to find a Gregory Hines lookalike or a Rudolph Nureyev wannabe, don’t you). Theaters/opera houses are also spots where you can find single people going on their own. D., for example, used to go on his own to the opera as he told me.
But sometimes, love just hits you like a bus when you expect it the least. “I met my husband at the airport. Our flight was just canceled and I was fighting with the flight assistant to get a refund. He was just behind me in the queue, and couldn’t stop giggling at me. He proposed to drink a coffee and I accepted” Y., 35, said. “He was my neighbor. I never talked to him until one day, my car hit his in the parking lot, and instead of shouting at me, he just told me how glad he was to finally talk to me” J., 31, said. There’s not universal rule for finding the one.
So, if you’re single, would you accept to do such activities just to find someone, or do you just believe in destiny? And if you’re not, how did you meet the one you love?