broken heart, celibacy, life, love, men, relationships, thoughts, women

Too late to apologise

I’m sorry” is a sentence we have to use sometimes because we hurt someone or have gone too far with the other. But there’s a point where this apology doesn’t work anymore, especially with the one we love. It happens because we turned temporarily into a monster, and each of us is able to do so, unfortunately.

We can hurt the one we love by cheating on him/her and then revealing the truth. Some of my friends think they prefer not to know if they’ve been cheated on because it’s really difficult to forgive your companion afterwards. “I can’t forgive him if he cheats on me. Luckily, he has stayed faithful to me, at least, that’s what I believe” said a friend of mine. “I base our relationship on trust, and for me, infidelity is like a betrayal, so I won’t forgive if he’s unfaithful to me, even if he kept on apologising”I., 32, said.

After infidelity as the line we shouldn’t cross, there’s physical violence.  Some people can’t forgive if their companion raise their hand on them. “Once, after a heated argument, he slapped me in the face. I just couldn’t stand it and left him two days after. I don’t want someone who’s violent”K., 35, said. “When we moved in together, we had a huge fight at the beginning because I was sick and tired of his mother constantly coming in our apartment and considering it as her home too. He was so pissed off that he threw his glass at my direction, and fortunately, it didn’t hit me. But I was shocked and decided straight away to move out. I didn’t want to accept his apologies” U., 32, said.

Infidelity and physical violence are something we aren’t all able to do. But we all can hurt the other by the power of words. “I blew all my chances with him because once, in a conversation, I insinuated he was just a loser. I didn’t say it that way, but as he kept on enumerating the multiple jobs he had in the past where he barely stayed for more than 6 months, I couldn’t help asking him if he was able to keep a job. He didn’t take it well. I apologised to him, but after that, he became distant with me. I should have kept my mouth shut” H., 34, said. “I criticized his passion for collecting car miniatures, saying it was childish. He got offended, and I understood I went too far and apologised, but he told me to get out of his life”T., 30, said. “When we met, I didn’t know if he was gay or straight, so I asked him about it. But I had probably wrongly formuled my question, because he got offended. Even if I said to him I was sorry for being too curious and not so diplomatic, he didn’t want to see me again“P., 31, said.

Of course, it all depends on our susceptibility and our capacity to forgive. Some people do forgive, even to the worst. “I was raped when I was 20, and after a long therapy, my psychologist told me it was necessary to forgive him for what he had done, so I could close this painful chapter in my life. So, I followed his advice, even it was really difficult”L., 36, said. “I believe his anger was temporary, and that I triggered this because of what I said to him, so I forgave him” N., 32, said.

So, have you ever said or done something you regretted afterwards? And what would you forgive, and don’t forgive?




17 thoughts on “Too late to apologise

  1. Raindreamer says:

    I think violence and cheating are in their own cathecory here – not to be tolerated, but if person has hard time understanding some part of your life, you should try to work on it and not break up a good relationship because something like that.

    But maybe the guy, who could not keep job could not handle the situation. I find it too thin-skinned to break relationship just because somebody says your childish in some sector of your life. I can admit that I am childish in many issues of my life, so what? It is not huge insult.

    If you go on breaking up for things like that you’ll never had prober relationship, because people say things of that kaliber all the time. And I’ve considered my self too sensitive sometimes.

  2. stardust says:

    I have been confronted by a partner who has confessed infidelity and felt so bad that he has said he cannot go on but I taught him that making big decisions in isolation about a partnership two people are involved with is not correct and so we talked about it.

    I am guilty of not being able to allow a situation or words to settle and really think about them before responding. My knee-jerk reaction led to a break-up that could have been avoided. I was really stupid, I felt that he was dumping me and he felt that I was dumping him.

    if i could take back that conversation on that day those years ago, I definitely would.

  3. Forgiveness must be your willingness to do so. Else, pain will still remain no matter what.

    and just to comment on Why modern women don’t find their mr. right? nowadays it’s only not women who cannot find their mr. right. Men too!

  4. dontdatethatdude says:

    I always react before thinking and so there are too many times I have regretted what I have said to a point where apologies were useless. I have forgiven infidelity when I was younger because the guy would beg and plead and say he would never do it again, but it was because I caught them not because they came forward on their own. I find that even though I say I can forgive it I never really do and I am always wondering. So I won’t forgive it anymore. I also would never forgive physical or verbal abuse.

  5. Raindreamer, it’s true that the guy who couldn’t keep his job has a light excuse to break up. Maybe he has other reasons to do so. I don’t know. Again, it depends on your tolerance towards offensive words. Some people won’t take this as a criticism, or at least not in a negative way.

    Stardust, it’s really hard to react properly on a situation because there’s too much emotions involved at that moment. Finding the right words isn’t easy, I know. But living with too much regrets isn’t good for you.

    Hi angelwings, you’re right about our willingness to forgive. I know that men have also difficulty finding the one. Thanks for stopping by.

  6. DDTD, if only we could think before we act, it would save us many difficulties, isn’t it? I discovered recently that you could easily offend someone by not thinking enough before sending an email. The progress of technology…
    That’s tough you discovered his infidelities by yourself. I’m sorry for you.

  7. whatigotsofar says:

    Regret is for the weak willed. If you can’t do it proudly, don’t do it all. I’ve often said things that people have told me I should feel sorry for saying. If I felt sorry for saying it, then I’m conforming to the way others want me to be. I’m me dammit! If you can’t take it, that’s your problem, not mine!
    That’s not to say I don’t have a moral compass. If I know something is wrong, I won’t do it. Cheating for example. I’ve never cheated on a partner. Because I know its wrong. I have self-control and will power.
    Saying “I’m sorry,” really means saying “I have to change my life to suit your view of what my life should be.” I’m not willing to do that. Probably why I’m habitually single.

  8. Pingback: Is Taking Your Ex Back Ever a Good Idea? « Don’t Date That Dude

  9. WIGSF, I know that regrets are not worth it. But if you never say sorry, this would mean you have a heart of stone. It’s great you have strong principles on fidelity. And unfortunately, many women want their man to change.

  10. I hate it b/c I’m almost too forgiving. I can never stay or get mad. I was always taught to understand why people are the way they are or act the way they do, but sometimes it gets me stomped all over on.

  11. whatigotsofar says:

    Many women want their man to change.
    A man is not an old house. He’s not a fixer-upper. He’s a human being with his own thoughts, feelings and emotions. He’s not an empty pod for some woman to fill with peas.

    “If you [theoretical woman] can’t deal with this [theoretical man], then just walk away. Don’t try to change me baby. Those Cheetos crumbs in my beard are there because I put them there. To change me is to strip me of my me-ness.”

  12. whatigotsofar says:

    Many women want their man to change.

    Change or be changed?

    Woman: Brush those Cheetos crumbs outta your beard and you got yourself a date.
    Man: Don’t try to change me baby.

  13. Houstonsocialbutterfly, it’s the problem when you’re too forgiving, you can get fooled.

    WIGSF, what kind of women do you expect landing with cheetos crumbs in your beard?

  14. sk says:

    i have confronted infidelity to my partner in 1 hour after it happened, i was drunk when i cheated. my girl is not ready to forgive me. i dnt know how to convince her. i apologised million times but she is not ready to forgive me. this is just one an only isolated episode of my life where i cheated. anyone tel me what to do. i want my girl back…

  15. Hi sk, I have no answer for you, unfortunately. Try to figure what your girl thought about this. It’s really humiliating for her.

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