Yesterday, I got a confirmation of what I said at the beginning of the week. If I write about something, I will get the incarnation of this topic within 24 hours. One of my friends, who’s 30, just told me she fell for a much older man than her. He’s 53, and her patient. She said she feels really really attracted to him even if he’s not that handsome, and that each medical visit she pays to him is really special because of that. But she can’t do anything with him because he’s married. And in the end of February, he will leave the country to go back to Canada. She told me it was a real torture for her to not be able to concretise her attraction for him.
How I understand her. Not so long ago, I was a little bit in the same situation than her, but with a different scenario that includes a loving and caring partner I couldn’t possibly leave or cheat on and a douchebag of first category that might be gay. Seriously, I could really imagine D. getting fucked in the backroom of a gay club. I didn’t find him handsome, but there was something about him that really turned me on. But nothing happened.
Why do we fantasize like that on things we couldn’t have? In the case of my friend and mine, we both hit a difficult period in our life that went hand in hand with a lot of doubts and self-esteem issues. My friend told me she got flattered by her old man when he started to flirt with her, and that helped her to regain a little bit of confidence. With D., it was a little bit the same, although it was the Scottish shower all the time. I got distant with him when he tried to get closer. He got distant with me when I tried to get closer. And I still don’t know if he was flirting with me.
In both cases, we knew that starting a relationship or just yielding to temptation would only bring pain. My friend doesn’t want to ruin a marriage, I didn’t want to ruin my relationship for just an attraction.
Have you ever been attracted to someone you know you can’t have?