broken heart, celibacy, homosexuality, life, love, men, relationships, sex, thoughts, women

All about chemistry

Yesterday, I got a confirmation of what I said at the beginning of the week. If I write about something, I will get the incarnation of this topic within 24 hours. One of my friends, who’s 30, just told me she fell for a much older man than her. He’s 53, and her patient. She said she feels really really attracted to him even if he’s not that handsome, and that each medical visit she pays to him is really special because of that. But she can’t do anything with him because he’s married. And in the end of February, he will leave the country to go back to Canada. She told me it was a real torture for her to not be able to concretise her attraction for him.

How I understand her. Not so long ago, I was a little bit in the same situation than her, but with a different scenario that includes a loving and caring partner I couldn’t possibly leave or cheat on and a douchebag of first category that might be gay. Seriously, I could really imagine D. getting fucked in the backroom of a gay club.  I didn’t find him handsome, but there was something about him that really turned me on.  But nothing happened.

Why do we fantasize like that on things we couldn’t have?  In the case of my friend and mine, we both hit a difficult period in our life that went hand in hand with a lot of doubts and self-esteem issues. My friend told me she got flattered by her old man when he started to flirt with her, and that helped her to regain a little bit of confidence. With D., it was a little bit the same,  although it was the Scottish shower all the time. I got distant with him when he tried to get closer. He got distant with me when I tried to get closer. And I still don’t know if he was flirting with me.

In both cases, we knew that starting a relationship or just yielding to temptation would only bring pain. My friend doesn’t want to ruin a marriage, I didn’t want to ruin my relationship for just an attraction.

Have you ever been attracted to someone you know you can’t have?


9 thoughts on “All about chemistry

  1. whatigotsofar says:

    What can I say? We Canadians, we’re irresitable. You ladies just can’t keep your hands off us.

    But to answer your question, back in high school (wow, the 90s) I really wanted to hit this chick that was going back and forth between a pair of brothers. Both of which were good friends of mine at the time. I tried, I failed, neither of the brothers gave me much grief for my efforts. Jeez, they sure cared for that girl.

  2. dontdatethatdude says:

    Not being able to have someone is the primary reason I am attracted to them…LOL, you know the ones who are hard to get, emotionally cold and emotionally unavailable? There has only been one time I was attracted to a married man and I would never go there….It was easy not to go there for that reason…

  3. WIGSF, may I remind you that Nickelback and Bryan Adams represent unfortunately Canada to us too. It’s great your friend didn’t gave you grief for that, not all friends would react like that.

    DDTD, it’s true that if it was easy, we won’t be interested. The laws of attraction suck sometimes.

  4. I have a friend who is ONLY attracted to old gay men, or taken women, or just ANYONE who won’t want to do anything sexual with her. She wants a boyfriend/girlfriend as long as she doesn’t even have to hold hands with the person. She has Issues after having a suspicious older male babysitter as a child (she has not elaborated beyond this), and her entire point in life is to have the companionship without the sex, so… it’s understandable. Unlikely to be successful, but if she wants a totally sex-free relationship, being a “fag hag” is the way to go, I suppose.

  5. I have an attraction to a male friend of mine who is very much taken. We have acknowledged we like each other but we would not make good partners and the sexual chemistry is not enough for either of us to jeopardise our relationships or our friendship. It has gotten easier over time but I must admit at first I didnt think it would.

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